I'm tired of always needing to prove my inteligence

Examples:

Yesterday I was at a health evaluation for a driver’s license. Everything went well with my physical health, but at questioning, my autism was bought up. I was accused of needing help with learning in primary school (despite of my grades, that were usually B (I know, I’m lazy)) and now I need a psychological evaluation.

When I started high school, most professors infantalized me, but later stopped after I proved myself (ok, some didn’t stop, like the slovene teacher and the sport teacher/coach).

When I meet someone new, they always think I am intelectually disabled, before proving otherwise…

Why is this happening?

Edit: It means a lot to talk to people who support me trough this (even if only on the internet). I took a psychological evaluation today. It included an iq test like form (easy, but didn’t finish the whole paper), questionairs and some cordination tests (that in my opinion I was bad at). Just waiting to get the results. Hopefully I’ll pass, but I can’t really do anything if I don’t, can just maybe try somewhere else in the EU (i think).

Horrible_Goblin,

Speaking from my own experiences… (i’m diagnosed with autism and high-IQ)

People seem to read vulnerabilities they cant really place as general mental fucked upness. For example, I struggle when two people talk to me at the same time, or ask me several questions at once. Have a couple of these incidents happen and some people start treating me as if I’m missing a chromosome. I think when people are dealing with something thy know little about, some would rather fill the blanks with ignorance and stereotypes. You could invite them to learn more, but also… meh, their loss.

People who are familiar with autism, or being overloaded on info… they often automatically slow down, ask about my challenges, ect.

I’ve learned some tricks to demand respect though, you can’t expect everyone to be sensible. I have an elaborate vocabulaire, and though I prefer to talk informal, sometimes talking slightly more formal than the person in front of you can keep them on their toes.

Another direction, I also like to deploy, is to just play the dumdum they think I am. It means less expectations, less bullshit. And honestly, nothing is more satisfying when halfway trough the year they find out you know the source material better than they do.

Another thing that has really worked for me is to surround myself with people who are eager to get to know me as an individual. In time this has also helped me grow the confidence to convince or even demand other people to understand how I work even if it originally isn’t there priority.

Hope his helps

Persen,

Well you officially have high iq, so society automatically asociates you with smart people. I think, I am slightly above average in iq, but as I haven’t been oficially tested, I’m still usually considered average, until I’m considered a retard or a genious (both exaggerated, but partialy true).

Horrible_Goblin,

not everyone I meet sees my medical profile, lol.
And even then they are happy to question it. Sure every now and then I mention it, bubt 9/10 I don’t. And for the longest time I’ve been diagnosed.

Finding a way to carry yourself that works for you really can make a difference.

Globeparasite,

So a lot of people will explain it with many very interesting psychological and sociological theories on discrimination and shits But to summarize it all :

they are really fucking dumb

They can’t understand two thirds of the shits happening so when faced with something new they simplify it by interpreting it as close to the closest thing they understand. Except they are fucking dumb so the closest thing they understand is miles away from the thing they are discovering. Therefore when they encounter autism, they understand it like the closest thing they actually know, which is children or more likely stupid and they talk to children like they are dumb.

Now the other things that lead them to that is that despite being world class idiot their job is to evaluate people so considering they don’t understand most things they require even more simplification.

TL;DR : tell them you know damn well they’re not supposed to require an eval for autist so you’re gonna sue them, should shut them the fuck up

Persen,

Well I can’t really sue them since I can’t afford a lawyer and because they think I’m stupid, they would just laugh at me.

I would love to threaten to sue them, but I think it wouldn’t change the outcome.

Globeparasite,

sadly coherent

SuddenDownpour,

Bit late to this post, but whenever you’re on a bureaucratic process where declaring that you’re on the spectrum doesn’t have any specific advantage that outweights everything else, you just don’t bring it up, because you may come across idiots or even bad regulation.

I’ve already known a couple people in my country who were denied their driver’s license because they mentioned their Asperger diagnosis. I didn’t mention it, and when I ran for the driving test, while the examiner was somewhat nervous that I wasn’t constantly trying to drive over the speed limit like everyone else, he appreciated that I was always actively looking in all directions to be extra cautious against any potential danger.

Persen,

Well, the examiner brought it up. I woud be way happier if it wasn’t mentioned.

BackOnMyBS,
@BackOnMyBS@lemmy.world avatar

I feel this post so bad. I’m autistic but according to people that know me well, I’m also highly intelligent. Yet, when I first meet people without masking, they treat me as if I were stupid. This is such an issue in my life that I have often joked about getting a shirt that reads, “I’m autistic, not re****ed”, but my NT friends have said that it’s a bad idea. Anyway, this happens until a situation presents itself in which my intelligence is demonstrated, then people treat me as some sort of genius/savant. It’s ridiculous, but I’m used to it.

Persen, (edited )

It’s great, that you found people, that you can joke about your autism without being judged or made fun of. My friend from primary school was one of those people, but later he started going to gym and it inflated his ego to the point, that he stopped respecting me (for “going to a worse high school”) and some other people for various stupid reasons.

BackOnMyBS,
@BackOnMyBS@lemmy.world avatar

Yes, thank you! If I can’t joke about being autistic with someone, I don’t become their friend. Thanks to therapy, I have been really selective with who I allow in my life, and it has made a major welcomed difference in my quality of life and how I see myself.

That sucks about your friend’s inflated ego, but I’m happy you see it so you can adjust accordingly.

Persen,

Well, congratulations on finding people, that respect you. About my friend, I can’t really adjust to him only talking about being better than me and shaming me for having autism and “being lazy” (partially correct, but still).

BackOnMyBS,
@BackOnMyBS@lemmy.world avatar

Thank you! The way I’m handling it now is that if I were in a similar situation like yours with your friend, I would just distance myself from them. If we were together and they started making me feel bad, I would just leave. I don’t need to endure emotional distress because someone else is rude to me. I can just leave.

Persen,

Yes, I did, but he is my neighbour, that lives practically under my window, so I can’t fully remove him from my life.

Globeparasite,

that… doesn’t sound like a friend. I’m sorry for you

Persen,

He isn’t a bad person, he just inflated his ego (probably just temporarly).

Paragone,

it’s just prejudice.

Same as Black people are subjected to automatic devaluation/abuse, so we are, too.

What’s sad about it is that evidence doesn’t have any validity to Kahneman System-1 mind ( read “Thinking Fast & Slow” to understand prejudice/ideology )…

Richard Feynman’s autistic body-language was obvious-as-hell to anyone who knows to look, go see the youtubes of him, & see for yourself…

and that guy was some 400x as quick at physics as a normal physicist ( literally: a normal physicist did a lecture, giving 365/2 days of his work, Feynman wasn’t at that lecture, he heard about it, and 1/2 days, ie that night, he not-only recreated the guy’s work, but he took it further than the original guy did. He was THAT fast. ).

Autistics are underrepresented in motor-vehicle crash-statistics.

With reason: we’re more rational, more predictable.

Prejudice will never allow facts to interfere with imprint/belief, however.

That is law in herdbeasts ( who have System-1 but not the considered-reasoning System-2 ) & in humans ( who, in theory have both systems, but we work to eradicate considered-reasoning, preferring ideology/prejudice, … rather completely ), both.

Persen,

Wow, I haven’t heard this before. Thanks

irotsoma,
@irotsoma@lemmy.world avatar

Because most people don’t understand that developmental disabilities aren’t always intellectual. Same reason a lot of people treat bind, deaf, or other physically disabled people like they are also intellectually disabled.

Persen,

I think they treat them like that, because they enjoy controling other people.

deur,

Nah, don’t assume malice when stupidity can be at play. That type of person is self centered, self absorbed, and they don’t respect things they cant grasp. Most of the time its not a power play.

Persen, (edited )

Yes, you’re probably right, but I don’t think people can be that stupid.

gandalf_der_12te,

that shows you have a lack of life experience.

But seriously, don’t get yourself worked up over an issue that’s not worth it.

Persen,

Well i’m a teenager (could also be considered a child), so you are right.

dbilitated,
@dbilitated@aussie.zone avatar

because people look for indicators they recognise to assess intelligence and you don’t fit their mental model as easily.

you could be cynical and say much of that presentation is manipulated and not a reliable indicator of intelligence, it’s just that intelligent people are usually better at controlling their signals - unless they have difficulties with social nuances like us. you could also just shug and say you’re different and they don’t get it for a while, and that’s fine too.

everyone is lazy and uses shortcuts to interpret a complex world. when you’re different the shortcuts don’t work and people make mistakes. they’re also being lazy 🦥

Persen,

Yes, that seems logical. I also sometimes think, that people, that talk a lot and don’t use comunication to present information are stupid, but I feel like I’m often right.

Codilingus,

That you have to do all of that for a driver’s license is wild… physical and psychological evaluations?! For a drivers license?!

Persen,

No, the examiner acused me of having an intelectual disability, just because I’m autistic.

Globeparasite,

as i stated above. He is an idiot, say straight up to him : “you do not know what an intellectual disability is” and, to their next sentence, answer that you’ll be damn fine with lawsuit.

Autism not being described as an intellectual disability in the entire field of medicine that’s close to an autowin

Persen,

I will never see him again, so it isn’t worth it. I will just easily pass the psychological tests.

If I sued him, he would probably win, since he could actually afford a lawsuit.

Codilingus,

This is for a regular drivers license, yea? The only way those evaluations make sense to me is if you were getting some kind of license to race on closed circuits/tracks.

Sorry you gotta deal with it, regardless!

Persen,

Yes it was a regular driving test.

Kecessa,

Do you think the US system is better? Just let anyone and everyone drive 3 tons machines at speeds that would have been impossible to reach in any public mode of transportation 100 years ago?

Codilingus,

I mean, the US has driving tests and written tests you have to pass…People don’t walk into their state’s Department of Motor Vehicles, say “1 license to drive please,” and walk out without anyone checking to see if they’re competent to drive a non-commercial vehicle.

Arguably they need to test people again once they’re seniors, when mental decline can start. But that’s another subject.

Halasham,

The easiest test I’ve ever received was the written portion of a US driving test. I’m sure the average American would need no more than ten minutes of study to pass it. I regularly observe US drivers either willfully ignoring what they know from the test or having forgotten it entirely. Everything is bad here but for transportation I wouldn’t be surprised if it were the worst in the developed world.

Persen,

Even in Slovenia, I don’t recall anyone remembering anything from their tests and we have to do a theoretical, practical test and a medical evaluation.

deur,

Yeah, no. A drivers license in the United States is much more like a participation trophy at this point. The testing process mirrors that.

OwlYaYeet,

For the whole country or just some states. Because there are 50.of.thek.with their own laws

AtmaJnana,

Not everything is about the US, despite them living rent free in your head, apparently. Also, that’s not at all how it works in the US. But dont let the truth get in the way of your hate boner.

Kecessa,

It pretty much is how it works with how easy to get your license in some States!

isVeryLoud,

And some provinces, too

E.g.: Manitoba only requires you to show up to your appointments and pass tests, while Quebec needs 1.5 years of accredited training and road experience to get a probationary license.

Azzu,

It’s a reason why I’ve not been actively pursuing a diagnosis. I’m managing it well and having a paper trail would just make some things more difficult.

Persen,

Well I didn’t want it, I have it since I remember.

BestBouclettes,

I went through some similar issues at work. I’m pretty good when it comes to understanding technical stuff with their proper names and schematics, but I struggle awfully at understanding organisations (who to talk to when this issue arises, what to do when that stuff comes up, etc). I’ve been called disappointing because of it, yet as far as I can see I’m the most technically competent person on the team, by far.
It’s really frustrating and I have to rely a lot on other people when it comes to organising.
Thankfully the guy I mainly work with is very understanding and helps me a ton on that.

Persen, (edited )

So you are great at your job, people just don’t want to accommodate you, because they don’t care.

BestBouclettes,

The thing is, I’m not officially diagnosed yet so I didn’t “come out”. I plan on doing it whenever my diagnosis is complete and then I’ll see if anything changes on that side.

Persen,

That’s kind of a gamble, because It could turn way better or way worse.

BestBouclettes,

Absolutely, I’m very conscious of that, I’ll definitely validate that with my therapist first

webghost0101,

This! People only see what you cant do compared to them while being oblivious to the stuff they themselves cant.

There is also this bias that just because your clearly clever one way (like dealing with patterns off massive data web displayed on a a 4k monitor) means you must be smart everywhere else.

“Hey you’re smart, what is “math equations using more then 4 different numbers”…. I have no short time memory and need a screen for everything . I cannot possibly hold 4 numbers in my head at the same time and calculate.

Persen,

Thanks, but that doesn’t explain why some professors think I’m intelligent, but others don’t. They probably communicate with each other. My only theory is, that some enjoy laughing at me and ignore other professors.

Worx,

Maybe you need to work on masking. Pretending to be a “normal” person to fit in is a big pain, and something I personally hate. But if you act “normal” when meeting new people, they will treat you like everyone else. It’s tough to act this way but it might help you.

(It also sucks that we can’t be accepted the way we are, but that’s how the world is. As much as we might want to change the world, we also have to live in it as it is day to day)

db0,
@db0@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Ye, what I usually do it mask until they treat me as an equal, then casually mention my ASD when it is relevant. I think it serves to normalize it without creating preconceptions.

Persen,

I mentioned my autism to some of my friends. Some shame me and others are supportive, but nobody actually understands me.

Persen,

Well, I think I am masking (very badly) and it effects my mental health, so I won’t try to improve it, but i still agree with you

Worx,

That’s fair. It’s a tough one to balance of having good mental health and energy vs being able to exist in the world.

I have found that once I got out of school and college and things that I “have to” do, I’ve been able to create and find spaces where I’m able to be more authentically myself, which has definitely helped me. Hopefully you’ll be able to find more of those spaces in time

Persen,

After starting to attend high school, I learned, that most people aren’t even worth communicating with, so I just do whatever I want and not care about everyone hating me or thinking I’m stupid.

glimse,

I wish people with autism didn’t have to mask at all and could just be themselves

Persen,

We wouldn’t need to if people were fair and at least somewhat educated.

glimse,

I agree. That’s the part I wish would change

Also, did you downvote your own comment?? You replied 22m ago and are already at 0 (+1 after I upvote)

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/ef0e6b4c-95fc-4f75-b841-d9bf0e240be6.png

Persen, (edited )

I just removed the default upvote.

glimse,

Take it back!!! It misses you

Persen,

Why

glimse,

Because your words are worth seeing!

I mean that but I’m just playing, do what you want lol

Persen, (edited )

Yes, I know it’s a joke, but I still won’t like my own comments. It’s like voting for myself.

glimse,

My interpretation is that upvotes are for comments that add to the discussion and I try to make sure my own fit that description

haui_lemmy,

Well, I dont think anyone can answer this definitively. But I recon its multiple things:

  • autism is still widely unknown/not understood
  • we‘re just starting to see people advocating since more and more keep getting diagnosed
  • teachers are often not autistic and/or come from a generation that frowns upon disclosure of medical information
  • lots of prejudice
  • since you have slovene as a language, I recon you might be from slovenia, which is in europe. Europe is far behind the US in autism advocacy and slovenia as part of the balkans could be even further behind (feel free to tell me otherwise if you‘ve ever visited france, germany or GB for example)
  • autistics afaik often report problems with speaking their mind or explaining their thought process (which would include me) and therefore get underestimated

Those are just my thoughts and opinions. Nothing of this is proven fact and I am happy to stand corrected. Just trying to give some ideas of why this might be a unhappy coincidence.

You can always decide to change this and write up a lecture or speech which you can hold at some event if thats your cup of tea. You can then educate large amounts of people in a short timeframe. Good luck.

Persen,

Yes I see the balkan influence in Slovenia. I feel bad, because my father (also autistic) is on the doctor’s side even tho he knows I’m not intelectually disabled (he even thinks I’m smart). He just doesn’t want to question their authority.

On the unrelated note: I accidentaly said yes to a question I later learned it was partialy corelated with intelectual disability, so it might be my fault.

haui_lemmy,

Its a dumpster fire all over the world and you‘re not alone. Feel free to go into research and help clear up this idiocy.

Persen,

Well since that appointment, I’m scared I might lose legal rights so there will be nothing I could do about it.

haui_lemmy,

I‘m not in your position so I dont know anything about it. Its possible to be declared incapable but thats quite a big stretch to assume it will happen usually. If you dont have a criminal history or people interested in controling you it sounds like a less likely outcome. Feel free to correct me. Also, if you‘re interested in shaping your and other autistic folk‘s future, you can always advocate.

Persen,

Thanks, I think my mother is interested in controlling me, but she probably wouldn’t suceed because my father wouldn’t let her (hopefully).

haui_lemmy,

In that case I‘d worry about things you can control instead of things you cant control. Makes life a lot easier and healthier - most likely longer too.

Learn, try to discover new things and do what you can to be selfreliant.

Good luck.

Persen,

Yes. Thanks.

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