There are multiple layers to this hornet’s nest of a topic. But from a personal perspective, I know I was (still am?) terrible at reading such interest from women. Luckily, I’m happily married, so I don’t need to worry about it now.
In the past I’ve literally had to have women launch themselves at me or graphically proposition me before I was aware that they were really into me. And even then it was often a surprise. And there were a few times I asked out girls who I knew and seemed to have done chemistry with, and they recoiled in alarm. And I’m a fairly average neuro-typical guy. So yeah, I think some of us definitely have trouble reading the interest of women in those one-on-one situations.
Quite a few of my make friends have run into similar experiences. While a few others assumed any woman who spoke to them must be into them. Which is, of course, the other side of the same ‘unable to read women’ coin.
But adding to all that, there are all the tricky social obstacles to navigate. Things like:
a minority of women wanting to be chased off they said no to an approach (depending on who was approaching them, of course); or
worries about making women feel threatened or distressed by offering an unwanted advance;
or how it’s sometimes difficult to differentiate between a purely platonic friendship, or a pure romantic friendship, or one that the woman wants to transition from the former to the latter;
or just realizing a woman is into you but feigning ignorance because you (the guy) isn’t into her and doesn’t want to exploit her for sex or ruin a social group dynamic.
Anecdotally, I had two female coworkers that acted the same way around me, kinda flirty but in a more friendly way, I felt, rather than trying to hint at anything. One said “EWW” out loud when someone suggested we date, and the other told me way after the fact that she was super in to me and I should have made a move.
The women I’ve actually dated made an effort to make sure our feelings were not only known, but reciprocated before laying down the “rizz” too much. I have no problem lightly flirting with someone that has no desire for a relationship, its fun, but that can’t be the only sign you’re in to someone when it isn’t even REALLY a sign for a lot of people.
Well you exist in a community (that I’m not a part of but have been pretty thoroughly immersed in in the past) where in my experience supply and demand of sex or sexual favors is roughly 50/50. It vastly simplifies things when the number of people who would like a blowjob is pretty well matched by the number of people who want to give one.
“You want to suck some dick? Awesome! I have a dick and enjoy getting it sucked. If you’re still cute when I have some post nut clarity I might offer to buy you a drink to get the taste out of your mouth”
I think someone downvoted you because cum tastes awesome!
I think what you described is more of a side effect of the lack of a gender-based power differential and equal sexual culture between the two partners.
I don’t think that gay men are as hyper-sexual as the stereotype suggests, but we do have the option to be so without having the repercussions women would face.
Yes it is a wild oversimplification, but I worked and ran security for a few seperate gay bars/clubs over the years so I saw more of the “meat market” side of the community.
In general that’s also where we got the stereotype, our bars and bathhouses. These were the more visible parts of our community for a very long time, and they’re places gay men went to meet each other and hook up before apps were a thing.
It would be like judging all men by the men who go to strip clubs.
It’s not that it’s necessary wrong, in that there are lots of gay men, myself included, who fit that stereotype. But it inherently excludes people who don’t fit from being considered.
I think that’s similar to the statement OP is asking about, but I am not sure where the “women give hints and men miss them” trope comes from.
Oh I’m not silly, I knew gay people outside of that context and worked straight clubs too, I just noticed the differences in that context were the same as in regular day to day life only amplified.
I was always terrible at picking up on hints, but even when I did get the hint I was generally either not interested in pursuing something, too cowardly to pursue it, or I had a preference to go about things a bit slower.
Sometimes women can be attractive and hint a lot, but once you've burned yourself once or twice you realize it's better to take things slow than to risk getting involved with someone more crazy than you can handle.
Amongst people I am closer to and actually like I am absolutely oblivious at times, but I would much rather err on the side of friendship.
I think men are as good at picking up on hints as anyone. I think their entitlement often leads them to ignore said hints, and then they try to cover their backsides by claiming ignorance.
when we met, my bf never picked up any of my hints, and i gave him many. i mean we met online, had a lot in common, and got along really well right away. i mean he was exactly my type and i was very clear about that as we got to know each other lol. but i only hint at interest until i’m sure, and then i get direct, so i eventually asked him out. he seemed pretty embarrassed for not picking up on the hints afterward, especially the more direct ones, but i just thought he was pretty adorable for it. i’ve never really thought all men are necessarily bad at taking hints in particular i mean i have never put much thought into whether a particular gender is worse at picking up on hints but i’m a woman and i’ve dated and had situationships with men, women, enbies and more and and in hindsight i’d say i’ve been bad at picking up on hints and everyone’s been bad at picking up on my hints so probably everyone’s bad at it lol
I think we always assume our own communications are super clear, and we blame other people when they don't understand. That goes for flirting, but also everything else involving two or more people trying to communicate.
i agree; communication is very complicated and for example even understandings of common phrases varies sometimes not just regionally but from person to person, so it makes sense to me that people in general often struggle to pick up on hints, especially the more subtle the hints are, and that’s no one’s fault. for hints in terms of sexual/romantic i think i would also probably factor in self esteem as depression and anxiety are epidemics in our society that are only getting worse as it becomes harder to maintain social lives as third places disappear. low self-esteem often comes with depression and anxiety and people who struggle with it may assume that no one would/could be interested in them or be flirting with them. idk, that at least described me for a long time when i was younger. in the case of my bf he’s also autistic and struggles to pick up on social cues in general, much less flirting
Dude, it’s been 10 years… she’s definitely interested. Probably.
Make up some bogus tiktok challenge with a list of questions she has to answer. Slip: “Do you like me?” In the middle of the list.
Make sure to video it with your phone so it looks legit for tiktok… but really, you can study her response to dylm? over and over for years to come looking for clues to if she really does like you.
My sentiment is that men are in this horrible place where consent is king, and explicit communication is necessary, but too many women still want to play hard to get, or do these tiktok challenges to trick men into giving them a reason to be angry.
True in my case. When my wife wants a particular piece of jewellery for her birthday, the only way to make me realise is to slam my head down on the counter next to it and say “THIS. I WANT THIS.”
I swear, honey, I thought you said you wanted a glass jewelry counter. I distinctly remember how hard and cold the glass was when you told me that you wanted one…
Hints are great if what you look in a partner is the ability to solve puzzles. Otherwise, they should be skipped. Proper communication is key to any successful relationship.
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