Obviously, I know absolutely nothing about you, and if your standards are some over the top expectations or demands then you should stop calling them standards… BUT if your standards are healthy boundaries and some basic safety precautions then by any means try not to mess with them even when the situation is rough — this can burn for a looong time…
At this point I’m not sure if it’s undiagnosed adhd that makes me socially isolate, or if it’s genuinely better just chilling with my wife and her family who are pretty rad compared to everyone else I meet.
There's a tendency to think social isolation is bad or think something is wrong with us for doing it. IMO most people who go out and party all the time are also just "socially isolating", by putting up a front, drinking etc, with no real deep connection. No vulnerability and openness. If you have deep relationship with family you are probably better off.
Your wisdom could be telling you not to waste your time going out with shallow folks. Having 1 or 2 deep friends is nice.
The other thing could be that we tend to focus on "more" like more friends actually matter, and if we dont have more friends then we are "lonely people". IMO having less friends is not the source of loneliness. Its the lack of deep connections with a few friends we can contact frequently enough. I suspect going out drinking in large groups doesn't really cut it for most people even if they really enjoy it. Its ok but not always very deep and its effect is weak and short.
Its more like we all build up a lot of judgements about ourselves and others over time. This is less about being and "Adult" and more about not letting go of old judgements. To me this is the subtle message behind the comic.
When I stopped rushing around and working too much, I eventually found it much easier to make friends again even though I'm pushing 40. People even seem more pleasant and everyone wants to be my best friend. I don't mind at all but I also know when to calmly say no.
My brain works a lot like a cat. Loudly meow about how badly I need attention, for the first little bit it’s the best thing ever, then I hit a moment where I yell STOP and run away.
But it’s okay to be friends with people who don’t really share your interests. As long as you can still do things together. Taking with people who have different opinions is fun
But seriously that’s the way it really is. I think we need neighbors as badly as friends these days. It’s those casual second order relationships that contribute to a feeling of community.
Full agreement and I think it’s one of the biggest reasons why I need to be involved in communities. “I know you, I like you, but I don’t have the time or energy to hit you up just to chat on purpose, if circumstances change we may become friends” is a really nice relationship to have a lot of.
Being able to say “My man!” to the mailman and have that be that is strangely undervalued. The interaction is positive even if mostly insignificant and that gives a little boost of social confidence.
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