Not The Onion

Slim probe landed metres rather than kilometres from its target, but a rocket malfunction has left it in an undignified position

https://archive.ph/9ckoX

Alice Weidel told the Financial Times in an exclusive interview that the UK decision would be “dead right” for Germany, and that a “Dexit” would boost the country’s self-determination....

A bill set to be introduced next month would ban consuming or producing sexual content and punish offenders with prison sentences of up to 20 years and $25,000 fines.

Under the Mississippi Constitution, people convicted of 10 specific felonies, including bribery, theft and arson, lose the right to vote. Under a previous state attorney general, the list was expanded to 22 crimes, including timber larceny — felling and stealing trees from someone else’s property — and carjacking....

Oklahoma’s culture war-obsessed superintendent has appointed professional harasser Chaya Raichik — of the account Libs of TikTok — to the state’s Department of Education Library Media Advisory Committee....

The package delivery company DPD's AI chatbot was caught swearing at customers -- and even insulting DPD itself.

A Chinese man was disqualified from the Xiamen Marathon for chain-smoking during the race, violating a new rule against uncivilized behavior.

Dr. Sean Kirkpatrick had a few choice words for the public on his way out the door of the Pentagon's All-domain Anomaly Resolution Office.

Rep. Paul Gosar blamed the drop in white recruits on the army’s supposed “woke Marxist ideologies.”

Belgian customs officers seized three times as much cocaine in the port of Antwerp last year as U.S. customs and border officials seized in all of the United States.

msn link: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/israel-orders-more-gazans-to-flee-bombs-areas-where-it-sends-them/ar-AA1kZ4rK...

Members of a French motorcycle group against bullying are charged with threats to headteacher.

A man whose stroke on the pickleball court was most unwelcome has allegedly been identified and arrested. Police say a 49-year-old Arlington resident was taken into custody Monday after a peeping incident along Columbia Pike Friday night. Just before 7 p.m. Friday, according to Arlington County police, the man was spotted...

The ongoing state of stress and anxiety in Israel has led to weight gain for many, but understanding how stress works can actually aid in shedding pounds while maintaining overall health.

Archived page [https://ghostarchive.org/archive/KFV18], if you’re paywalled or region-blocked.

“The Company remains unable to access the 98f Wallet. The investigation continues.”

Embattled GOP Congressman George Santos bragged about his weight loss and said he'd beat up Mitt Romney in a fight, Page Six reported.

A rights advocate said, “This is like the CIA putting out a statement saying that going forward they’ll only waterboard people with dignity and respect.”

When it comes to college-aged adults who are glued to their smartphones, experts argue over whether texting while walking increases the risk of an accident. Some studies have shown that texting pedestrians are more likely to walk into oncoming traffic, while other studies suggest that young adults have mastered the art of...

The finance department has entered into a $32,000 contract with an external consultant to provide advice on how it should engage other external consultants who also provide advice to government, in a move that has been slammed as a “laughable scenario”....

"Mother of Gabriel Infante, 24, sues employer for $1m, saying construction workers had no protections from extreme heat....