Ever since I broke my leg I sometimes trip. It's scary since I'm scared I'll land in a way that could set off a lot of pain. But what's worse is I'm not doing so great being reasonable about it after. I first feel very stupid for falling over, then upset that I'm so upset about something so stupid.
Whoever designed emotions was and idiot and should be fired.
Like obviously I have a mostly metal leg, not walking perfectly is normal. But I still beat myself up for not being more careful. WHY.
@futurebird We all suffer from internalized ableism. I'm sorry you're coping with that. But... are you using a cane? It took me way too long to admit that I needed one. I was scared of what others would think/say. But I was so much better off with it, and no one ever questioned it, even though I was in my 20s (and looked like a teenager). Got a pretty nice stylish cane, too, which felt cool.
I use the cane if my leg is acting up due to weather. The falling is mostly due to forgetting that I can't just just run without thinking about it more than I used to. One leg responds the other is like "what? huh?" and it's not so great.
@futurebird Ah, yeah. That would be very disorienting. Hopefully you'll get into new habits that work better. Always takes a while to relearn your stride.
There is definitely some of that ablism in the sheer nastiness and impatience I'm having with myself. I would be aghast if someone spoke to another person or even themselves like that.
But these things have a way of running deep. And its not making anyone tough or happy.
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