there are two mental health things going on which affect each other but have different causes.
one is the seeming return of something i thought was gone. i don't know why.
the other is understanding my current reaction to two lifelong problems more clearly, feeling like i should try again to fix them but also knowing both are immensely costly high-odds gambles (emotional as well as physical energy) which have never worked out before.
i don't have the resilience to buffer more failure.
