@gabriel
Yes your reference to them wanting it to be a #cloudUploadingDevice (or #CUD) for the ewes to chew on is a worst case scenario.
An interesting idea would be the phone does nothing, but talks to your #gnuLinux at home, which does all the logic for it. The only thing it needs to do is connect to your #PersonalComputer.
We can dream, but most importantly, push, for that.