So I'm not in crisis anymore, and my mom had backed off, but I feel like I'm barely recovered and mom is being frantic again. It took most of a week to stop being suicidal and broken-nonfunctional, and now what I need is for my life to enter a nice even keel and stay that way until a legit emergency. I think that she got that I can break down if pressured but not the bit about how little pressure I can take. Like, put that shit in the queue and I'll line it up and it might be a couple weeks but I'll get to it so long as I don't BREAK DOWN AGAIN. #DarkSojourn#Recovery2023
"Spiritual labor" is a thing and it is a thing that I do. I had to take on some serious Zen to get semi-abled again after years of burnout and PTSD in order to survive in-bed-all-day existential depression and anxiety. I'm good with Zenning out my own schedule and workload, but now I'm having to Zen her shit, too. Nope. Nope nope.
My mom is still frantic barely a week after my last breakdown, and I'm doing all the work to 1. Calm myself down, 2. Calm her down. She is intent on creating problems or finding problems before they present themselves (even if they will never present themselves), and while I can find spiritual peace for myself, I can't take that on for the both of us. Like, it prayer works so well for you mom, why are you constantly freaking out about material things that don't matter? #DarkSojourn#Recovery2023#exmo
In 2015 I left my abuser of seven years, and since have been disabled with #PTSD and other chronic conditions, fighting #suicide. I was unable to work at all for five years. My personal narrative now is about recovery out of that #DarkSojourn. I'm usually in some kind of pain, and try not to whine too much about it. I'm #Genderfluid#nonbinary (they/them) of recent transition, #polyamorous, and #bisexual.