My cerebral weather was a little rougher this morning. My equanimity saw me through and I will spend some more time on and off the stool processing.
#today I have some preparation for a three day $dayjob planning summit at our HQ in DC that starts tomorrow. Otherwise I expect the day to be quiet as most of my colleagues are traveling.
The effect of a longer sit makes a certain sense. I already feel something like a refresh or recharge after each session. It is almost like adding momentum to spin back up a flywheel. There is an increase in energy, for lack of a better word.
I guess why it hadn't occurred to me to extend any specific session is that the relationship between my meditation and equanimity has not been this direct. My experience of equanimity only shifted after a year and a half of daily practice. #zen#zazen
Another day #today where my growing equanimity really helped me. This stage of my practice is still young, I will get to layering in benevolence soon enough. Judging from the reactions to my facial expression throughout the day, hopefully sooner rather than later.
I promise this experience is actually less distressing for me than it appears, either in my posts or in person. The feelings are the same as they've always been, how I experience and respond to them is changing. #zen#zazen#buddhism
One very clear positive is that more of the teachings I've been studying are now making more sense. This is the way of things. I've learned that a key to #zen is direct experience. Even if what that means is a bit of a puzzle itself.
This is what my direct experience is like. I am not a poet, please forgive me if how I talk about it is a bit raw. #zazen#buddhism
I woke with anxiety #today. I often do and am learning how better to deal with it. I have to lead a meeting with my new team later this morning. Could be simple social anxiety but may be connected with other concerns about being a new employee.
I've tapped into my equanimity and deployed some tools. I am good, if not happy or excited. At all events, I will feel better after the meeting. And hopefully have another experience to help tame that specific anxiety.
To clarify, thanks to my deepening meditation and reflection practices, anxiety feels different to me now. Hard to explain but maybe less immediate or urgent expresses some of it. Still not pleasant but thanks to my stronger equanimity, I am able to simply be with it, examine it, and that is usually enough to start letting it go. #zen#zazen#buddhism
I resolved a couple of months ago to strengthen my equanimity, mostly through deepening my meditation practices. #zazen
I am definitely experiencing results. I am recognizing how I used to react to similar circumstances and more often am finding the space to respond in ways and at times I am happier about.
Even more curious, I think I am retrospectively recognizing past experiences that were also progress. At the time, I was unsure what was going on other than it being deeply uncomfortable.
Why do we see very few people from minorities in #meditation circles? Is #zazen a white upper middle class-only activity?
I don’t think so. But because #capitalism makes life so hard for those minorities, they aren’t granted the chance to participate in those meditation sessions, as they have other, more urgent, things to struggle with in the first place.
Therefore, as a monk, vowing to liberate all sentient beings means to offer equal opportunities to everyone to practice #zen and this can’t be achieved under capitalism. Only an #anarchist society, where both #liberty and #equality are guaranteed, can allow that.
#Today, I did what my mind has been telling me was impossible for the last ten years. Woke up at 4a and made the one hour drive for the early morning meditation session with the monks at the zendo. Sometimes what first appears impossible can become possible after all. From my teacher (also the abbot) the notion that I couldn’t do it was “just a thought.” Then on the way out she asked me if I was coming tomorrow. She’s good.
My comfort at my new $dayjob keeps growing. I am still preparing for my first project and have some ideas for some coding to help me work out a few ideas before the formal kick off.
I am planning to end my work early to visit my usual weekly haunt, Saints Row Brewing, to see my friends among the staff and regulars.
TFW you start experiencing the desired effects of a daily well being practice, in this case my #zazen meditation, but it isn't what you expected. Equanimity doesn't necessarily also come with comfort, let alone contentment.
This is day four of what feels like a subtle and profound change with my mind. Having hyperphantasia (a very powerful ability to visualize) I approach experiences like this with a certain amount of skepticism. I think I have enough direct experience to understand that what is going isn't only my imagination.
My mind feels more spacious. Feelings come and go, just as present but attenuated. Unless I attach or align to them. I feel more ability to do so voluntarily. #zen#zazen#buddhism
An interesting thing happened on the way to groceries today that led to me picking up this book. Our organic market has several in this series.
Another driver followed us after he thought my frustrated pointing at a four way stop sign was my middle finger. He was threatening us with his car until I pulled over.
I reacted in self defense to confront him but with peace in my heart. We both wound up finding a bit of understanding and compassion. #buddhism#zen#zazen
I think that really helped me get through a lot of challenges like my anxiety about crowds that the metro almost always triggers and the social anxiety that arose from meeting so many new to me coworkers.
I think I will have another long sit before bedtime and then again first thing tomorrow. I really enjoyed how it supercharged my equanimity today. #zen#zazen
I am on the DC metro for the first time in over a year #today. I am working in office for a few days for $dayjob. I feel a little anxious but managing not to attach to it thanks to a longer than usual sit this morning. #zazen