floatybirb

floatybirb, 5 days ago

@appassionato @palestine
Quote from article:
"Israel says U.N. agencies are to blame for not distributing aid more efficiently within the enclave, creating backlogs of supplies."

I cannot comprehend the amount of brass it would take to blame someone else for failing to efficiently remedy a famine that you yourself caused.

floatybirb, 5 days ago

@zackwhittaker oh no if the laundry machine company doesn't fix this security bug soon it might mean that millions of people will have clean clothes for free!

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon after hearing what sound like echoing voices we end up shooting a flare gun for some stupid reason and collapsing a cave, I guess trapping them in the underworld forever.

Rock Lady brings up the cave person she saw and Professor Muttonchops continues to not believe her. Then everyone takes a nap except for Whittler Pipe who listens to the walls and hears some water. This makes Whittler Pipe Man the MVP for this expedition so far.

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon No Hans don't give the Professor the pick he has been wrong the whole time you give him that pick he will kill us all by mistake.

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon creepy cave man appears, having followed them. He reveals himself to be Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir to the Throne of Gondor, only blonde and in a hat that's not quite a fez. He's as grumpy as Aragorn though, but he seeks science for the sake of science, rather than the defeat of a Dark Lord.

Anyway, he calls Professor Muttonchops a dumb ass, so that tracks. His name is now Mystery Cave Aragorn.

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon after everyone celebrates that they won't die of thirst because the underdark is full of water, Bellhop Twink falls down and hits his head. We discover an underground sea, one of my favorite underground tropes! Also the underdark is not dark, but mysterious lit from above!

Is there like a sun there? Is it glowing rock? Is there a day/night cycle I am completely not sure!

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon Division of Labor, underground sea edition:

Professor Muttonchops: Management
Mr Whittle Pipe: Build Raft
Rock Lady: Splash in Water
Bellhop Twink: Recover from Injury, then Splash in Water
Cave Aragorn: Fondling Cloth, Brooding

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon While Mr Whittle Pipe helpfully builds a raft, Professor Muttonchops explains that the mystery overhead lighting is an underground Aurora Borealis. I guess that makes as much sense as anything else.

We then find a giant mushroom forest, like the ones on the Orc planet in Warcraft II: Beyond the Dark Portal. Professor Muttonchops explains that these are very dangerous mushrooms. Then the ocean explodes and the mushrooms almost kill us I guess.

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon After the pointless mushroom interlude, we learn that the water in this cave realm have healing properties. Then we sail off on the raft that Mr Whittle Pipe built. I use the term "sail" loosely as it looks like the raft is pretty much just floating there idly.

We catch a fish and Mr Whittle Pipe cooks it. Mr. Whittle Pipe in this movie is an allegory for the entire working class, doing every single job somehow except explaining things and getting injured.

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon Our raft starts sinking for no reason, probably due to a design flaw that can be forgiven because no on the trip is a shipwright. Then a giant reptile thing shows up and start threatening Rock Lady, who is out for a swim.

Fortunately another almost identical giant reptile thing shows up to pick a fight with the first one, and a strangely bloody battle begins.

Our adventurers bravely try to float away on their very slow raft, which stops sinking just as mysteriously as it started.

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon After floating around a little bit, we find an island that we decide to check for fossils. Fossils are cool and all, but they seem like a strange thing to check for once you've already discovered an underground sea perpetually lit by a magical sky, giant mushrooms and giant reptiles.

Anyway, we see some things we think are giant turtle fossils but they are real turtles and they are mad so we NOPE off the island. Then a storm happens and some fireballs fly at us from the sky.

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon because our boat was sunk by fireball weather, we are now stuck on another island that is mostly devoid of vegetation. Is there vegetation in this underground world aside from a few patches of scrub and some giant volcanoes?

Anyway, we lost Cave Aragorn but found his book, which is written in Attic Greek I guess because he's either a weirdo or an immortal. Then Rock Lady and Bellhop Twink wander into a valley full of dinosaur bones, which might not be safe.

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon Also, no one in this movie seems to have any sense of what a giant discovery it would already be. Just finding a great big cave with a poisonous soup in it is a major discovery; y'all have found an underground sea that is perpetually lit and full of giant reptiles and everyone is like "huh, okay. but we should find more stuff first."

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon having read my last post, Bellhop Twink has an attack of common sense and realizes that they should get out of here. Also, he proposes to Rock Lady, and I guess she is into him too. But then a Giant Gorilla is like "I object to this marriage!" and yells at them, so they hide in one of the dead tree trunks that is the only other large vegetation in this movie. We then hide in a small cave that is within the larger cave world that we are already in.

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon oh shit; inside the nested cave is a city of glowing advanced technology, where people in lab coats are I guess doing secret science. Cave Aragorn tells everyone not to tell Professor Muttonchops, because he's too stupid to try to leave the cave world already, and seeing a mysterious civilization of high technology white people inside a cave would make him want to stay even more.

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon anyway, as we're leaving, some dinosaurs chase us and we go back to the raft, which no longer has a sail. It is a mystery how this boat gets anywhere.

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon prediction: Cave Aragorn is an ancient greek guy who has been stuck in this cave for a long time. And the civilization in the cave have travelled back in time for some reason.

I guess the cave world is like a time tunnel or something. Maybe its where the Trodons in Dinosaur Train built their original time railroad and humans are just borrowing it.

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon our raft floats to a wall and Professor Muttonchops decides he needs to hack at it with a pickaxe until he finds a way out. At a random wall. Like he could hack at a different wall. He could hack at the floor. He could get back into the raft and sail somewhere else.

Cave Aragorn tries to talk some sense in to him, asking him to get on the raft while he... um... I dunno? Turns into the Kool-Aid man and breaks through the wall?

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon, OH! Cave Aragorn breaks through the rock wall by EXPLODING! of course! it's so obvious! why didn't I see it?

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon Having opened the rock wall, the raft floats through it like on one of those theme park water rides you get on in order to be jostled about a bit and splashed with water. I always liked those rides.

Anyway, the water level starts rising, pushing the raft and its four original passengers to another poison gas realm, where they run through a cave full of explosions. Fortunately they still have the gas masks.

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon After fleeing the exploding caves, we emerge near a smoldering volcano, because fuck physics. We find a local child and try to figure out where we are by speaking random languages at them. The child says that the exploding mountain is Stromboli, which might be a type of pasta, I dunno.

As a reward for all of his suffering, Mr Whittle Pipe has found a nice goat that he would like to cuddle, and carries it away from the explosion. Bellhop Twink takes the child instead.

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon the rest of this movie will be stock footage of a volcano going "boom"

floatybirb, 10 days ago

#Monsterdon Shock Ending: Cave Aragorn was Santa Claus the whole time! Who would have expected it?

floatybirb, 10 days ago

@blogdiva We should maybe host a conference to settle this; I make up all my bullshit character names in isolation.

floatybirb, 10 days ago

@blogdiva What is the name of the one dude in the #Monsterdon movie who had time clones of himself and then exploded?