i don't think ive ever truly felt homesick until this year.
when i came here, i was full of wonder and eagerness to make my place in a new environment. the sense of adventure hasn't worn off (in fact, it has only strengthened), but i also got a taste for homesickness.
it's funny how i never really experienced it as a child, despite moving continents more times than some people move houses in their lifetimes. i guess i quickly adapted to the situation and didn't think too much about it.
i also didn't feel homesick a year into my studies. mostly because i knew my summer break would consist of at least 2 weeks back at home in moscow. it was a logistical nightmare getting there, but i knew i only had to make the trip once a year, if that, and it was worth it to see my family.
now, though, the home i knew doesn't exist for a variety of reasons: because the jfk to dme flight doesn't exist anymore, because no amount of money can guarantee that i won't get drafted, because my family has dispersed across 3 equally distant parts of the world, because i won't ever be able to relive those nights spent aimlessly walking around the deserted arteries that were bustling with cars and people mere hours ago.
it's one part true homesickness, one part nostalgia, and one part plain old selfishness. it's all that and more that makes me miss home. the inability to go back is killing me. i want to walk the streets of moscow with my friends one last time, i want to see my family in person, i want to go back to my school(s) and thank my teachers for putting up with me and giving me a stupid amount of chances.
whether i'll get to do that is something i still have hope for, but until then, it'll still be at the back of my head. god, i miss moscow.
We need a video format with alpha channel so people can stop making "green screen" versions of existing videos... They can just cut out what they want to cut out and I don't need to key it.