@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

onevia

@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone

Hi! I’m oNevia. I love gaming, design and music. Hit me up if you wanna chat.

She/Her

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onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I really needed to see this. Thanks dude !

onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Unexpected E pro: Crying now actually releases my overwhelm and sadness. No more does it make me feel worse. It’s truly releasing.

Unexpected E con: I have to cry a lot. And I mean a lot.

onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Maybe trans woman? I just learned of the term demigirl from these comments and that seems to fit a little better. Some flavor of girl/femme 😘

onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I, like many of us in this community, have been following your situation closely. Unfortunately I was not in a place where I could help how I would have liked, but I will say this:

I’m so incredibly proud of you Keris. I know this was such a scary step but you did it! Take a deep breath and try and relax your little critter head 😘

Better days are ahead. Just keep on taking those small steps. One after another. Soon you’ll realize just how far you’ve come and all the friends and family you have found along the way.

We get to choose our family. And no one can take that from us.

Love yourself and take care ❤️

-Olivia

onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Well keep listening to that brain and nice critters Hun ;)

Believe it or not that mind of yours wants to be happy and to live life :) I hope this is your first step towards that.

Please feel free to reach out to me through dm or discord/matrix if you’d like another trans sister to talk to ❤️

I live in Indiana so I’m pretty far away but can offer internet cookies and virtual hugs

🫂 🍪

onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Well if anything you probably only outed yourself to those two people :P

onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I would say the most consistent source of gender euphoria or affirmation would be shaving my body hair. When I step out of the shower and every inch of my body is smooth, I feel so relaxed and sensual. It always puts me in a great mood and I try and time it when we do our bedding so I slip into this nice fresh bed and just kinda wiggle around 🥰

onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

That’s great! I’m happy to know that there comes a point where those small little euphoria moments end up chaining together and creating a euphoria combo.

At least that is how I read your comment :P

Happy for you girl!

onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I’ve been a little scared to try thigh highs and skirts. I want to but really nervous? That’s usually a sign of something that is going to be super affirming.

Felt the same way about needing a bra and my wife finally just bought me some. Tried them on, saw my reflection and was like “yep, that’s the good stuff” 🤣

onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Hey, I think that’s great! Sounds like it was a really good investment in yourself. :)

onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Today, I went to an Easter gathering my friends family was putting on and his mom came up to me when I arrived and went “It’s Olivia now right?” I’m like, “uh yes” (met before my egg cracked"

And she goes “Well, I just wanted to say welcome Olivia and thank you so much for coming as your true self. We’re happy to have you here with us!” 😭

There is love and support for us out there :)

onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I’m still relatively new to my journey. Just under 6 months of cracking my egg and 7 weeks of HRT.

Cracking my egg was probably the hardest part for me to be honest. It took years of trauma therapy and peeling back many layers of self inflicted injuries to finally see the real me.

There was a good decade before my egg cracked that things started to spiral out of control. A need for pain management for chronic pain grew into addiction. My long term relationship (been together 15 years now) with my highschool sweetheart started crumbling due to my lies and inability to open up to her.

I learned to hate myself to keep pushing forward. Which wasn’t hard because I was always so critical and mean to the “man I had become”

Things would get a little better here and there, but it was on a downward trend. Relapsed into addiction after my son was born. I had an identity crisis and couldn’t see myself as a father. I never had a good blueprint for what that was, but I couldn’t even envision myself as one. I felt like I needed to push this all down, take another pill for the pain and be the best I could for others. Never acknowledge my feelings or thoughts. I didn’t deserve to figure out who I was. I would rather burn myself to the ground supporting my family than to EVER give myself an ounce of love.

Came to a crossroads of sort. My wife and I had many talks when our son was asleep. Our marriage wasn’t working. I was spiraling into depression and we both knew I wasn’t going to live much longer. For a while I accepted that fate. Because it was all I knew. But seeing my wife crying on the kitchen floor because she didn’t understand why she couldn’t reach me… That was not my plan. She always saw something more in me that I refused to see. And she was pleading with me to let it out.

So I did. For my wife, my son, and for the first time in my life - I did it for myself.

A year of sobriety from narcotics. Years of trauma work in therapy going as deep as I could remember. Searching deep within myself to finally ask the question. Who am I? And I heard a voice in the distance say “My name is Olivia”

That was my egg cracking and I’ve been getting closer to that voice every day since ❤️

onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

We are doing better than ever! Thank you for asking. Coming out to her and myself means that I can finally show her all of me.

On a sillier note. It also helps that she has realized she’s more lesbian than “bi” like she thought. Turns out she was just waiting for me to stop cosplaying as a boy 😘

onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Woah… I literally grew up in Fairfield. That’s crazy someone else knows of jungle Jim’s! Do they still have the crazy Elvis bear robot thing? 😅

onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I’m smelling an irl trans convention at Jungle Jim’s! 😹

I’ll be chilling at the movie theatre inside.

I went to a queer skate night last night

I went roller skating at a queer skate event last night. I’ve been rollerskating my whole life, and played roller derby, which has a high queer quotient, but last night was something else. There was so much queer pride, and the gender binary was well and truly fucked with! I had such a good time, and it was so empowering to be...

onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Sounds like an amazing experience! Glad you found a haven for acceptance and love ✌🏻

onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

So for me, it seems to depend a bit on my mood. I don’t know if I’ve ever wanted to be cis as a boy. Just wanted to know why I was different from other boys but I always admired that about myself.

I feel like being a cis woman would be great on days when dysphoria is hitting hard but generally I am happy to finally know what made me “different” all my life. I like that I’m trans because it’s been a big part of my identity even before my egg cracked.

The path my life is on is hard and can feel impossible, but also I love that I better understand my self and don’t limit myself to a binary understanding of gender.

onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Ya know, I hadn’t considered it could be interpreted as exclusionary to non-binary people. I am truly sorry that I didn’t more thoroughly consider how this might be viewed from different perspectives.

I’ll try and clarify it to be less binary. Personally, I was thinking of it more in the terms of “Do you ever feel like you wish you were born for the society we live in”

So basically, how do you feel about your trans identity.

I hope that helps ❤️ much love

-Olivia

onevia,
@onevia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Sorry to hear that. I hate that feeling of looking in the mirror and seeing something that “isn’t you” exactly. Like my reflection doesn’t look like how I feel about myself.

It’s a slow process of changes and self acceptance that is painful to bear. But hang in there and keep looking for that beautiful feminine face! She’s there, just hiding a little ❤️

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