@seanwithwords@mstdn.social
@seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

seanwithwords

@seanwithwords@mstdn.social

pronouns: he/she/they/poet. i am a writer, spoken word performer, activist, and teacher. #ActuallyAutistic creative writing their own path. Descriptions of Images: Header is a setting (or rising?) sun, with orange sky and a rusty pink cloud formation. The profile pic is one of me, wearing glasses and dark shirt, framed by an opened laptop and a to-go cup of coffee. Taken at Good Brothas Cafe in Harrisburg, PA.

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Sci_Fi_FanGirl, to actuallyautistic German
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

A few weeks ago, someone asked me what makes me happy or what I enjoy doing. I said, among others, that I liked playing the guitar very much, but hadn't done it in a while. Couldn't say why I hadn't.

This bothered me. I thought about it and finally found out why I had stopped: I had played something for a friend and felt very ashamed afterwards. Why did I do it in the first place? Why this song? How could I even think it was worth showing?

Can't seem to get over it.

@actuallyautistic

seanwithwords,
@seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

@Sci_Fi_FanGirl @actuallyautistic I feel this. I love playing guitar and I've been in situations where I wanted to play it around people but I'm too scared of shame to do that. I actually chose to bring a guitar on a camping trip with family and then intentionally accidentally left it across the river from our site because I was too scared to play it.

when I'm alone I rock out. but honestly just the idea of making noise like that goes against my "lay low" approach to surviving life

seanwithwords,
@seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

@Sci_Fi_FanGirl @actuallyautistic ok so check this out… a friend of mine asked me last year to play bass backup for two songs at an event. I spent a week leaning both really well. At the event, he already had another bass but needed a guitar. So I was enlisted to do that. It was glorious and terrible. I did well with the two songs I knew the chords to, but the 3rd had weird chords I couldn’t recognize by ear (I’m tone deaf-ish) or by watching the bass. I just hung on lol

seanwithwords,
@seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

@Sci_Fi_FanGirl @actuallyautistic there’s one picture of the band at the event and it’s so obvious who the autistic person is lol 🫠🤣

seanwithwords,
@seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

@Sci_Fi_FanGirl @actuallyautistic in some ways it was a dream come true. My childhood dream was to be a rock star. So it felt really cool when we were on the same song and I was contributing to the vibe. The last song was 100% shame filled and I was a mess every second just begging Time to move faster as I pretended to play and tried to hit the occasionally correct note. But at the end, the crowd loved everything and it was great. I’m happy about it for sure…

seanwithwords,
@seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

@Sci_Fi_FanGirl @actuallyautistic …but my stage work is best left to poetry. I feel at home in that space and my local following is enough to keep me happy about that 😀

seanwithwords,
@seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

@Sci_Fi_FanGirl @actuallyautistic I never enjoyed a stage until I tried spoken word about 2 years ago. I got ok at teaching bc I loved the content, & figuring out how to teach to kids in ways that work. In my post bacc program, I had to bail a major presentation bc of stagefright, and I kinda hate being in front of people in many spaces. But I’ve always been drawn to the idea of performing, for sure. That’s it I think- not any stage but that kind of creative achievement

marcelias, to random
@marcelias@mas.to avatar

deleted_by_author

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    seanwithwords,
    @seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

    @marcelias this is hilarious.

    "our system is broken! therefore we must use the system to fix it!"

    "our 3 branches of government are not enough to check the power of a fascist and voting in a categorically undemocratic process is the only solution!"

    "do not question our alternative to the fascist - just vote for him. Our existing (failed) system is our only hope for saving the system."

    superficial fear-mongering.

    seanwithwords,
    @seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

    @MiriShuli @marcelias what’s my PLAN?

    I mean first can we talk about Biden’s problems? That would be a good first start. He IS the president, after all.

    seanwithwords,
    @seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

    @MiriShuli @marcelias I understand that. It isn’t complicated. It’s what the article said. Why are you repeating it? I get that, and I’m saying that’s a flawed approach.

    What happens when you have to run against someone else?

    What happens when you can’t get enough non-base support for Biden to overcome Trumps populism?

    What happens after another 11 months of Biden aging and proving himself incapable of advocating for actual issues?

    seanwithwords,
    @seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

    @MiriShuli @marcelias this is also flawed bc it’s negative, deficit based. Why isn’t the focus on forcing Biden to adopt policies that will improve his votes??? Why is it “vote for Biden bc Biden isn’t Trump”? That’s based in fear and a desire for power, not a wish to improve things.

    seanwithwords,
    @seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

    @MiriShuli @marcelias we?

    As voters, we need to demand better policies from Biden. We also need to ask why the Justice dept has taken so long to deal with Trump. We also need to allow a national discourse on the issues, instead of simply beating people to “vote Blue” so long before November.

    The DNC needs to have Biden drop out of the campaign or allow him to be primaried. The nation is at a critical point and 2024 needs to be more than a popularity contest or a hold on power.

    seanwithwords,
    @seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

    @MiriShuli @marcelias I don’t need to have a discussion with the DNC taking points.

    He supports the genocide. He’s failed on climate and policing. He’s failing on education and the economy. You’re saying it’s all just a PR problem, which means you’re saying that critical citizens like myself are simply uninformed. That’s dismissive and dishonest.

    The same thing happened in 2016. Ignore progressives at the peril of the entire population. Pretend it’s good. Blame us afterward

    seanwithwords,
    @seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

    @TruthSandwich @MiriShuli @marcelias is your claim that progressives are trying to help Trump win?

    seanwithwords,
    @seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

    @TruthSandwich @MiriShuli @marcelias thanks for lazily helping me understand a bit of what you mean.

    so, ANY criticism of Biden, or any statement that he hasn't earned someone's vote, is categorized by you as: An excuse to help Trump.

    this suggests that those people secretly wanted to elect Trump and are using Biden's genocidal tendencies as an excuse rather than a reason. that's pretty interesting. do you have evidence that those folks supported Trump prior to Biden being chill with genocide?

    seanwithwords,
    @seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

    @TruthSandwich @MiriShuli @marcelias "Biden, please stop genocide" means "please elect Trump?"

    seanwithwords,
    @seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

    @TruthSandwich @MiriShuli @marcelias WOW. thanks for providing another great example of how can't engage authentically on the issues!

    "the stated excuse is a lie and you are a liar"

    lol. have a great day!

    pixplz, to random
    @pixplz@mastodon.social avatar

    I've been attacked on here four times in the past week for daring to hold the president accountable for his role in the deaths and disabling of hundreds of thousands of people.

    Every time, the person attacking me has been a white man.

    The problem goes beyond Republicans or Democrats.

    The problem is white men.

    seanwithwords,
    @seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

    @pixplz as soon as you say something bad about Biden, you're accused of loving Trump and attacked, blocked, treated like an idiot.

    The Blue Wave is literally MAGA now.

    seanwithwords, to random
    @seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

    Does anyone else use the Shop app to track packages? I bought something from there about a year ago and now it automatically connects to purchases I’ve made even though I never go into the app.

    Most disconcerting, it just notified me that my biologic is arriving today… I’ve literally never received an email about that so they must be connecting my cell phone number. How is that not a HIPAA violation?!?!

    I don’t like that.

    sebwhatever, to actuallyautistic

    @actuallyautistic
    I smoke a lot of weed throughout my day. It's how I cope. It's how I take the edge off. Any one else get high regularly?

    seanwithwords,
    @seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

    @sebwhatever @actuallyautistic yup! I have a medical card (my state doesnt allow recreational yet) for my PTSD symptoms.

    weed helps tremendously to soften the internal ruminations socially, to sleep better, and to get creative. i use it recreationally (instead of drinking socially, etc) on occasion, but mostly it's just to deal with life

    MarjoleinRotsteeg, to writing Dutch
    @MarjoleinRotsteeg@mastodon.nl avatar

    Hello fellow-writers, help wanted. Last week my partner lost a number of my tabs. They are irretrievable. One of them was of a website by women on ao growing vegs and, if I remember it well, pictures of pumpkins. They also asked for fiction submissions on nature, with possible bonus points for a vegan character. It's not hearthstories.
    Can anybody help me, please? Thanks in advance!

    @writingcommunity @writers

    seanwithwords,
    @seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

    @MarjoleinRotsteeg @writingcommunity @writers I can't help with the website but I will say that if you happen to browse using a google account, your entire history is saved in a really well-indexed list that lets you locate search and site history a lot more deeply than a history search provides

    https://myactivity.google.com/myactivity

    JeremyMallin, to Autism
    @JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar

    I rarely ever address anyone by name. There are people I've known for decades whose names I've never even used when addressing them directly.

    Is that an thing?

    @actuallyautistic

    seanwithwords,
    @seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

    @JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic in many situations, I find that to be very forward/condescending. there are times when it doesnt bother me, like in some greetings. but I generally avoid it and I generally dont like hearing people use my name when speaking to me. the quality of the relationship is a factor -- if I know and/or trust a person very well and feel an affection for them, I'm better with it because it (to me) can signal closeness in certain spaces

    holyramenempire, to actuallyautistic

    This is kind of a half-baked thought, but one of the reasons children of abusive or neglectful parents have such a hard time having self-worth is that when other people treat you like something is wrong with you, by withholding care, you start to believe it. You're a logical, sensible person, so everyone else must also have reasons for what they do, therefore withholding care from you has to have a reason. No one's telling you the reason, so it must be something REALLY bad.

    But for folks, aren't most of us treated like that by the whole of society, not just our parents? We are fundamentally not supported, even by the most well-meaning non-autistic people. We are treated like a problem to be solved. To me, it amounts to a withholding of care that signals to us "You're not wanted." No wonder so many of us are sick and suicidal, you know?

    @actuallyautistic

    seanwithwords,
    @seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

    @holyramenempire @actuallyautistic a recurring them in my therapy is how I am caught up in both brain/body responses to negative childhood events as well as logically negative responses to similar events happening to me now. like, yes -- I have trauma responses. but: also: AND: often when I act naturally today, I get negative responses, that I have feelings about.

    always on alert bc I have so few positive experiences when I'm unmasked etc

    helenstlouis, to actuallyautistic

    @actuallyautistic

    Hello @ActuallyAutisic community! This is my first post here. I'm exploring my possible neurodivergence late in life (my awareness of this has been raised via my psychotherapy training).

    I've always known that I like routine. But this week, I am aware that because my routine is very disrupted on two days, I cannot focus, I'm feeling extremely anxious, I forgot the changes/implications of the changes and messed up my schedule. I am generally very strict about putting things in my diary and somehow I let that slip and my life has become a mess! :bd08: . Anyone identify?

    seanwithwords,
    @seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

    @helenstlouis @actuallyautistic I can totally identify. I am also late identified and trying to figure this out. now that I know what causes me problems, I am having a lot of issues around plans changing or routines being disrupted

    seanwithwords,
    @seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

    @helenstlouis @actuallyautistic and whats hilarious (to me) is that when I told my parents recently that I'm Autistic and we talked about what that may have looked like when I was a kid, my dad's first question was about how I reacted when plans changed lol. I didnt even know that was an issue because I'd masked myself into numbness about it for long. but now that I know, i can see that my responses are right back to what they were as a kid, and I'm less able to hide from them

    Sci_Fi_FanGirl, to actuallyautistic German
    @Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

    @actuallyautistic

    So, finally I got my official diagnosis.

    Having someone neutral confirm my suspicion feels validating somehow. Helps to fight the imposter syndrome. It is a relief.

    But it's also overwhelming and confusing. I want to tell everybody and live openly autistic, yet I also fear negative consequences. Then again, I'm tired of masking.

    Complicated feelings that I don't fully understand.

    seanwithwords,
    @seanwithwords@mstdn.social avatar

    @Sci_Fi_FanGirl @actuallyautistic congratulations! ❤️

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