twll

twll, 18 days ago

@philpem @Jencen

twll, 1 month ago

@renbymon @philpem Well now I’m having flashbacks to CFz2010 when I painstakingly recreated it for the pub quiz.

twll, 2 months ago

Wordtumble:
“Sexy cod.”
“I’m ever so sorry, but I seem to have sprayed across your shoulder.”
“A platter of beige.”
“How else am I supposed to pick up field mice?”
“I don’t like to be confused by the things I put in my mouth.”
“Pooh in the front and Pooh in the back.”
“Do not lick the table juice.”

twll, 2 months ago

The words continue to be said and heard:
“I’ve felt many gays.”
“I bet they carve a mean chicken.”
“Anyway, here’s a conversation about pickled onions.”
“Shite-seeing.”
“You just need a little light flashing and then you’ll be as good as new.”
“Behold! The anal vortex!”

twll, 2 months ago

Please enjoy more contextless cow noises:
“I’m just doing my chainmaille in the washing machine.”
“I shall wear you like a cape!”
“I’ll take no shit from you today, Mademoiselle Traffic Light.”
“He’s a social barnacle.”
“One massive flump.”
“I’m being stalked by the Sugababes.”

twll, 2 months ago

Who keeps saying stupid shit? That’s right, it’s me!
“It’s the sound of someone who’s just had a bagel stolen from their table at breakfast.”
“A devastated small lady.”
“The six o’clock shriek.”
“Thick and juicy goop.”
“The Farmfoods of disability.”
“You couldn’t find boobs at a strip joint.”

twll, 2 months ago

The noises I said out loud:
“I’ve put some bicarb on a sock.”
“Why does she look like Richard E. Grant?”
“This is a eunuch system. I know this.”
“That’s you being shot in the bum.”
“I would spend the entire time doing one very long poo.”
“You will provide the popcorn entertainment for me!”

twll, 2 months ago

It’s been a busy day for nonsense:
“And that’s why I don’t send dick pics.”
“It’s a sperm with a flag stuck in it.”
“The leg nipples of doom.”
“One wet Anubis later…”
“I’m a grown-up, I can use a fork!”
“You’re very soft for a drug addict.”
“The mattress has given birth to a beautiful baby boy!”

twll, 2 months ago

My ability to spew word soup is unabated:
“You have to pull out and go back in.”
“My banana went away.”
“Maybe we can encourage cottage cheese?”
“Perfectly normal business operations.”
“The cloaca: it’s USB for birds!”
“Coffee that makes you gay.”
“There’s something very wrong with these eggs.”

twll, 2 months ago

Lunchtime gibberish update:
“Please… my beans… they are wet.”
“There’s nothing like a bit of murder in the springtime.”
“Propelled upon a concrete phallus.”
“Use Dove® Burrito Bodywash.”
“I don’t remember that happening in Basic Instinct.”
“Suddenly expletive central!”

twll, 2 months ago

I just keep speaking:
“Made with real ass-pepperoni.”
“It’s the reason why my feet are wet.”
“I am vacuum, hear me roar.”
“It’s just some foley artist masturbating in a booth.”
“I have persistence of memory for food.”
“Thighs doing the big suck.”
“Little Timmy can keep his special sauce to himself.”

twll, 2 months ago

The nonsense spout flows endlessly:
“It would be much better if one of them was dressed as a nun.”
“It’s a little gremlin with very large udders.”
“New shoes who dis?”
“Apply chicken to the wound.”
“Why is the cat sending us lettuce?!”
“It's a perfectly normal thing to peel a friend's feet.”

twll, 2 months ago

Things said since getting up:
“Eye hairs?”
“Coco Pops® are a good substitute for red blood cells.”
“The basic bitch in your soap.”
“Is the mortgage with us in the room right now?”
“Fart in one of Aldi’s fridges.”
“I seem to have trapped a clown in this drawer.”
“He’s taunting me with his penis.”

twll, 1 month ago

Dear lord, I don’t half spout some stupid nonsense:
“Domesticated lavender.”
“You’ve got chickenmouth!”
“Encouraging a fresh gay.”
“He’ll Slap Chop™ you to death one onion at a time.”
“Oh no, I forgot to clean this plop.”
“Intermittent Batman fasting.”
“Lumpy eczema disc.”

twll, 1 month ago

Words to live by:
“It just doesn’t seem to stop producing poppadoms.”
“The Bog of Insecurity.”
“Find some parent storage.”
“Begone, puny bus!”
“A voyeuristic signature.”
“Everyone knows Batman is ticklish.”
“A place to keep mildew.”
“The sky bullets!”

twll, 1 month ago

I’ve been prescribed strong medication… expect things to get weirder:
“I’m munching on Jesus, whoa-whoaa.”
“Three sycamores in a trenchcoat.”
“The workout prison.”
“My ability to construct word is not wording very word.”
“As a society we should be past shoelaces by now.”
“It’s garden gnome season.”

twll, 1 month ago

By the power of pain medication:
“Consume the bready flesh.”
“The bin juice prevention system.”
“Men: we leak gas.”
“My lemon king wears Finland.”
“What’s the triple point of kitchen?”
“My eyebrows are really greasy.”
“I have harnessed the power of woo woo!”
“You don’t want debris skidmarks.”

twll, 1 month ago

Being drugged up and playing games with friends produces outbursts like these:
“A heaving mass of ham and sweat.”
“An inside out Chicken Kiev.”
“I dropped my mango.”
“Sea twats and sky twats.”
“I yearn for more plastic.”
“I am the baked potato monitor.”
“Draw me like one of your French Presidents.”

twll, 1 month ago

It’s Good Friday and the medication told me to say this:
“I tried looking at your bum and hurt myself.”
“A porcelain lady!”
“Drag me through the cleaning corridor.”
“Excuse me while I just hump my way up this mountain.”
“My head stops at my eyebrows.”
“I shall fart on your air quality sensor.”

twll, 1 month ago

Did I say stupid shit? Of course!
“He’s pushing the happy out of his ovipositor.”
“Rice briquettes.”
“One lubricated cake later…”
“Some sort of sad sausage.”
“You’re a fighter pilot, ‘Arry.”
“Your poker face is leaking.”
“Those are the gayest fascists I’ve ever seen.”
“Skinless, boneless Skittles.”

twll, 1 month ago

Wordguff:
“You can’t gaslight me about my own anus.”
“Let’s speedrun cake.”
“Mummy and daddy are in their cocoon trying to make a baby.”
“Don’t make that arm too strong; you’ll rip your cock off.”
“Pump action salmon.”
“I am an evil temptress and I am flashing my eggs at you.”
“A beef in the queef.”

twll, 1 month ago

The words I say, but shouldn’t:
“I don’t trust that man’s eyebrows.”
“I’m Visio’s bitch today.”
“Penetrate the house.”
“Bread for fatties!”
“Microwave this cheese for me, madam.”
“A teeth session.”
“The Scabmobile.”
“They look like vikings that have been combed.”
“Are you teabagging my coconuts?”

twll, 1 month ago

My name is Twll and I don’t endorse these messages (even though I said them):
“Nobody wants a potato in their box.”
“Pump him full of cream and cover him in chocolate.”
“It’s just the [1N] actually.”
“You dishonour your hash brown.”
“My switch went squit!”
“Please ignore the sounds of foodfelching.”