@Aikiwomannc@beige.party
@Aikiwomannc@beige.party avatar

Aikiwomannc

@Aikiwomannc@beige.party

An inked nerd with ADHD who wandered in and began eating all the cheese. Don't worry, the spiders and snakes don't eat much.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

Aikiwomannc, to random
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Thinking about that time I called my bulldog "Fartzilla" and my mom yelled, "I'm in the kitchen!"

Aikiwomannc, to random
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If you hold a Big Mac up to your ear you can hear the sound of an employee telling you the ice cream machine is broken.

Aikiwomannc, to random
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I would have been a terrible Viking because I'd wander off during raids to pet the dogs in the village & my co-workers would keep complaining to Viking HR about me.

Aikiwomannc, to random
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Not me losing 3 hours and forgetting dinner because I went into a rabbit hole of lock picking videos and now I'm questioning every lock I have.

GrimmReality, to random
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This was Drinking Buddy from Fallout 4.

Aikiwomannc,
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@GrimmReality When you try to buy a spot at what you perceive as the cool kids table only to find out it's Twitter and no one is cool - especially you (him). No one wants to eat lunch with you and everyone hits you with a dodge ball and you try to spin it as a good thing.

Aikiwomannc, to random
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Jason and the Argonauts skeleton fight scene but it's me trying to get to the grilled cheese samples at Costco.

Aikiwomannc, to random
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In case you think being a mom gets dull when they grow up, my son informed me that he farted so hard he got dizzy.

Aikiwomannc, to random
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God: I need a few more animals for that patch of land close to the bottom there.

Angel: All we have left are the ones still in development.

God: Perfect. Toss in those venomous ones, too.

Angel: Even the one with the duck face?

God: Empty the lab!!!!

Aikiwomannc, to random
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My financial goals are simple. I just want an authentic, full size t-rex skeleton in my living room.

Aikiwomannc, to random
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Autocorrect changed opinion to opossum and now it's backing into a corner and hissing and haven't seen something that accurate in a while.

Aikiwomannc, to random
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Female spider: I give up. Every profile has a photo of them holding up the biggest bug they've caught.

Female spider 2: I wouldn't worry about it. If the date is bad you can just eat him and the bug and move on.

Aikiwomannc, to random
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Son: Wonder why they're called Lego?

Me: *in imagination mode seeing:

-kids screaming "Lego, they're mine!"

-Me yelling at vacuum that just sucked up bricks "No don't! Lego of them!"

-Bricks stuck together "Mom they won't Lego!"

Son:

Me: No idea.

Aikiwomannc, to random
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To the person who dumped their Christmas tree on the side of the road in mid April, thank you for making me feel better about taking only a week to make that phone call.

GrimmReality, (edited ) to random
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Two things you can 100% bank regarding assholes and discourse:

  1. Whenever right-wing people yell "free speech," they specifically mean "YOU MUST LISTEN TO BIGOTS AND NEO-NAZIS" because - and this is really REALLY fucking important - they do not mean "free speech" for everyone and definitely do not mean "free speech" for people fighting bigots and neo-Nazis and here is your absolute motherfucking unimpeachable proof from a website that is basically now just a Nuremberg rally run by an actual neo-Nazi.
Aikiwomannc,
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@GrimmReality Um what?!

Aikiwomannc,
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@GrimmReality oh my "um what" was to calling LR a feminist icon - which is at best a bad take by her. I saw the rest and I wish I could say I'm surprised about the phony free speech they spout. We don't have to listen to their hateful BS. I'm amazed at how many think freedom of speech means people have to read it or listen to it.

HamonWry, to random
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So is irony over at Fox.

Aikiwomannc,
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@HamonWry Eh, lying is still thriving on Faux

Aikiwomannc, to random
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What no one in the congregation expected was a reverse rapture that left everyone naked watching their clothes float away.

Aikiwomannc, to random
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Sasquatch: squinting Nah, I still don't believe that's Kate.

Aikiwomannc, to random
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Auto correct changed my chicken pot pie into a chicken pot Poe and now I must tear up the crust! — here, here! — it is the beating of the chicken's hideous heart!

Lana, to random
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Let's make a list of awesome women to follow for .

Leave your suggestions and I'll add them here.

I'll start things off with

@lisa
@Stoned_Deva_
@GottaLaff
@Alice
@RickiTarr
@rooster

Aikiwomannc,
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Oh wow! Thank you! What a great list to be included in!

@Lana @lisa @Stoned_Deva_ @GottaLaff @Alice @RickiTarr @rooster @Teri_Kanefield @futurebird @DoctorDeathray @SabiLewSounds @socool @jamie_blumberg @allflowers @Skepticat @LikeItOrLumpIt @mooseandriosmom @amandacsb2 @ocsweetest @YadyO @Kierkegaanks @Saltssaltgirl @Waitnwallflower @noondlyt @Hey_Beth @talia_christine @SingleBass @elsemusic @llorenzin @Bace16 @MrsMouse @kathhayhoe @LALegault @TheJen @JoBlakely @PamelaBarroway @tayfonay @Em0nM4stodon @JoParkerBear @StillIRise1963 @blogdiva

Aikiwomannc,
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Thank you Lizzy! What a great group to be included in!

@Stoned_Deva_ @Lana @Skepticat @LikeItOrLumpIt @mooseandriosmom @amandacsb2 @ocsweetest @YadyO @Kierkegaanks @Saltssaltgirl @Waitnwallflower @noondlyt @Hey_Beth @talia_christine

Aikiwomannc, to random
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Me: Yes! Early night! So tired.

Body: It's too quiet. Here are some weird pains that could be a heart attack.

Me: Stop. That's not a heart attack.

B: How about a dump of adrenaline for no reason.

Me: Seriously.

B: Mmm, anxiety...

Me: I hate you.

Aikiwomannc, to random
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Just as the siren's song lures sailors to their doom on the rocks, the ding of the microwave calls the unwitting to destroy the roof of their mouth on the molten cheese of the Hot Pocket.

Aikiwomannc, to random
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Quantum entanglement but you finally get to sit down and as your butt touches the sofa it simultaneously communicates to your child to wake up from their nap.

Aikiwomannc, to random
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Dr. Jones woke up in a cold sweat. Memories of being drunk at the museum party and screaming about the tortilladon and it's penchant for guacamole still haunt him 5 years later.

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