Nation Shrugs After Hearing Trump Guilty Verdict, Unpauses ‘MILF Manor’ (www.theonion.com)
U.S. Army Recruiter Has Bound, Gagged Civilian That Teen Can Shoot Right Now If He Enlists (www.theonion.com)
Samuel Alito: ‘I Tried To Take The Flag Down, But My Wife Hit Me. She Hits Me Every Night’ (www.theonion.com)
Biden, Trump Die 2 Minutes Apart Holding Hands (www.theonion.com)
So-Called Trad Wife Wasn’t Even Kidnapped From Village By Rival Viking Clan (www.theonion.com)
CIA Realizes It's Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years (www.theonion.com)
It’s an older article, sir, but it checks out.
Biden Bounces Back In Polls As Americans Notice Netflix Added A Few Good Shows Recently (www.theonion.com)
CEO Warns That No Student Involved In Protests Will Ever Be Hired At Genocide Inc. (www.theonion.com)
Report: School Shootings Either Way Down Or Too Depressing For Media To Cover (www.theonion.com)
Shedding light on the possible reasons for a dip in such news coverage, a report released Friday found that school shootings were either way down or too depressing for the media to cover. “Really, there are two possibilities here: It could be that there’s been some remarkable progress on getting guns out of the hands of...
Jerky, 7-Fingered Scarlett Johansson Appears In Video To Express Full-Fledged Approval Of OpenAI (www.theonion.com)
Trump Quietly Avoids Eye Contact With Rudy Giuliani Begging For Change Outside Courthouse (www.theonion.com)
Iranian President Stoned To Death With Mountain (www.theonion.com)
Le président iranien a été lapidé avec une montagne (www.theonion.com) French
New Florida Law Requires All Women To Produce 3 Healthy White Sons By 22nd Birthday (www.theonion.com)
What Biden Can Do To Win Over Gen Z (www.theonion.com)
Trump Reflexively Asks Michael Cohen To Silence Michael Cohen (www.theonion.com)
Orcas Explain Boat Attacks (www.theonion.com)
Florida Students Given Lifelike Dolls To Simulate Responsibility Of Owning Slave (www.theonion.com)
Onion Gift Guide: Mother’s Day Gifts For Every Type Of Mom (www.theonion.com)
17 Days In Incubator Longest Time Premature Baby Will Go Without Being Exposed To Advertising (www.theonion.com)
Bored Riot Cops Break Up Calculus Class (www.theonion.com)
Trump vs. Biden On Free Speech (www.theonion.com) French
Drake Drops New Track Inviting Kendrick Lamar Out To Coffee So They Can Clear Things Up (www.theonion.com)
“The truth is, Kendrick, I think you’re a sweetie / Does 2 p.m. work, or maybe 3?” Drake raps in his new single titled “I Miss You, Buddy,”...
Israel Accuses Al Jazeera Of Being Mouthpiece For Journalism (www.theonion.com)
New Texas Law Makes It Legal To Sue Any Woman Whose Weight Fluctuates To Find Out What’s Going On There (www.theonion.com)
