@aronow I've heard a bit about this. I just do not understand it. I'm not trying to do a #NotAllMen here. I really just don't understand it.
I mean - as a 'strategy' for getting laid (assuming that's the intention?) could this ever work? I feel like I'm from Mars sometimes... who does this? Well apparently loads of fellas...
@aronow Well what a charmer. Who does that? Did he seriously think there's a % game where strangers actually give him BJs? Is he right????
However, the #NotAllMen thing is deeply annoying. Would be great if a few more of that gang held their mates to a higher standard rather than popping up on every thread about male bad behaviour to explain their own innocence
Was chatting with a lad on this: if you know there are 20 lions hiding behind trees in the forest. You assume every tree has a lion.
@JoBlakely@aronow You just triggered a memory of 16- or 17-year-old me, complaining to my dad that the boys at school weren't interested in me. He responded: "You're smart, you have solid opinions and beliefs, and you're pretty. The boys are scared to death of you." He wasn't wrong! 😆
@waynedixon@aronow Some people (in this case, some men) just see contact opportunities and pay no attention to context.
I used to belong to an in-person writer's group. These two guys (friends) showed up and attended a few meetings. They never had work to critique, and never contributed feedback.
So we asked them how we could make them more comfortable, and they confessed they were there to find dates. We had to explain it really was a writer's group.
@aronow@waynedixon Oh yeah -- after all, what do people recommend if you're not comfortable on dating apps? Find a group of people with similar interests to you!
But that means, you know, participating. And actually having that interest.
IIRC, these fellows assumed a writer's group would be full of desperate single women. It was led by a married woman (and indie publisher) who specialised in erotica, but left the group open to all genres. Go figure.
I mean, writers need love too. I can't go out dating while I'm writing, can't talk to people, can't make myself available. When I go to a group, it's the part where we're not writing that I crave. I'm missing a lot of context from this, and how the friends acted nonverbally, but it seems more foolish than sinister. Like, did they really think they were going to find a date at a writer's group? Try a dance, or a bar, or a single's group!
Or if you're a man and think women are avoiding single's groups (for some reason) then try going outside gender norms and attending a crafts workshop, or an aerobics class. (Bonus is you have to participate in them, so you might actually learn something.)
@cy Definitely they were more foolish than sinister -- and I for one appreciated they were willing to speak plainly about their intentions once we asked them about it.
I think if they had showed any interest in writing and peer feedback at all, it could have gone better for them.
@cy@eyrea
Seems that doing very female-coded activities gets you labeled as gay.
So, like, do the activity if it genuinely interests you, but being surrounded by women might give you less dates than you assume 🤷
Straight men who knit (something that was strongly male-coded until the Industrial Revolution) can usually out themselves simply by mentioning a sweater they made for an ex-girlfriend. Some people will persist in labelling them gay after that, but then it's the other people's problem.
@Selena@cy And I never said anyone was getting any dates -- just that if you're going to go the common interest route, it is probably best to have that common interest.
@aronow A while ago, a Belgian politician received a dick pic on LinkedIn by some dude.
On LinkedIn of all places. I mean WTAF.
She's pressing charges.
Add comment