Walked to town but couldn’t achieve more than tortoise pace and almost slowed to a stop several times, at which points I kept starting to cry. Hollow laugh at thought of running. Bought ready made rice pudding and tiramisu pots because birthday then came home and burst into tears properly. In floods of tears. I feel like world’s worst wife, I can’t even act normal for ONE DAY for my husband’s birthday. What a waste of space
@purplepadma
Emotions can run hot sometimes. This might be a good thing, feeling and all. I think it is important not to control it, lord knows I have tried, but to not let it overwhelm you. There is an experience here and that's important too.
I cry big sometimes, like hard. If I let go, it feels kind of good and to experience it can allow you to move forward.
@purplepadma You are not a waste of space. You're getting through even though your brain is fighting against you. That's a very impressive thing, you're strong and you're important.
@purplepadma You’re suffering from a chronic, potentially-deadly illness. This is no more your fault than if you had epilepsy or lupus. Please be gentle with yourself.
I'm sure he'd understand if you put a pin in it to celebrate properly another day. At our advanced time of life marking the ocassion is less important than who you're doing it with or when. He will understand. I am often absolute shit on birthdays / anniversaries, but frequently amazing on days without any special meaning. Sometimes you can't fight your way out of it and have to go through to get to the other side. I feel so wise saying this. Might make this my new thing - being super wise.
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