Just cried to my psychiatrist for 1/2 an hour. He says that he thinks there is something more than just bipolar going on for me to be having such significant mood shifts within a day. IDK, it’s happened before. He was concerned by how much I have deteriorated since we last spoke.
I told him that living on this rollercoaster is untenable, and that although I don’t have any active plans to end my life, I feel that I can’t be expected to live like this. I’m in a hopeless place right now. He agrees I need more support and is going to raise my case in the community MH team’s multidisciplinary team meeting and with psychological therapies. I told him I really miss having a CPN/therapist to check in with/offload to. He doesn’t want to tweak my meds but will get me some more diazepam. He was sorry to hear my condition, I’m usually so stable when we speak.
@purplepadma I'm glad that he seems to have been interested and willing to help. Hopefully they can do something to get you into a more stable place again.
@purplepadma@RolloTreadway what sort of help can the community MH team offer? (no such thing here in the US.)
bear in mind that the stress associated with doing a PhD can really do a number on bipolar disorder. for me, lots of stress and lack of sleep is a one-way ticket to mania.
if your bipolar is not usually of the rapid-cycling variety, i would think an evaluation of your present treatment plan would be in order -- although there's nothing i love more than second-guessing other people's psychiatrists 🙄😆
also, not sure how old you are, but hormonal shifts can also play a big role (for example if you're entering perimenopause).
all that said, i of course am not a doctor of any kind, just speaking from 30+ years of being actively treated for bipolar... obviously everyone's journey is different, so take this with a hefty grain of salt 😁
@rothko@RolloTreadway I have been here before many times, so it’s nothing new, and not hormonal. It’s either a mixed affective state or ultra-rapid cycling, at least that’s how it’s always been labelled before, I’m not sure why this current psychiatrist feels it doesn’t fit.
When I was under the CMHT before I had a named community psychiatric nurse who visited me weekly, monitored mood and risk, liaised with the psychiatrist and GP over meds changes, and was an impartial ear I could talk to about SH/sui without the feeling that I’m going to upset someone like when I tell Tom or friends. I v much doubt they’ll let me have a CPN again though, once you get discharged in a well period, they are v reluctant to take you back on. The system is really not set up for fluctuating/episodic conditions
@purplepadma@RolloTreadway huh... i suppose finding a different psychiatrist is next to impossible considering the shortages and the general condition of the NHS?
mixed states are the WORST omg. the most dangerous in my opinion... rapid cycling too -- utterly exhausting.
having a CPN come to your home to check on you periodically sounds like a dream, though -- would never happen over here. shame they seem willing to do a course only once. like you said -- just because you're well for the time being doesn't mean it's just gone away...
i hope you can get the help you need; advocating for oneself while in crisis is SO HARD and i wish you the best. 💜
@rothko@RolloTreadway Yes, there is literally no way to get a different psychiatrist - last time I tried that, I got told I had “borderline traits” because apparently not being satisfied with your care is pathological!
@purplepadma@RolloTreadway WHAT?! oooohhhh, that makes me so angry. because guess what gender gets that diagnosis with a HUGE percentage over any other? yup. women. borderline is the new "hysteria."
@purplepadma good that he is taking some steps, I hope they can provide more support for you! Maybe the extra ear helped to vent more and regulate...
Sending much love your way, Charlotte 💖
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