DocAtCDI

DocAtCDI, 1 day ago to random

I asked @MrsDocAtCDI what Women really want and she told me, attentive lovers.

Or maybe she said a tent of lovers...

I wasn't really listening...

DocAtCDI, 1 day ago to random

I told my dad I want to see Spider Man: Far From Home. He said: But surely it’s the same movie if you watch it here.

DocAtCDI, 2 days ago to random

Was at a wedding the other day. It was quite emotional. Even the cake was in tiers.

DocAtCDI, 3 days ago to random

Boy: Kissing girl on couch You wanna take this upstairs? Girl: Sure baby. Boy: Then grab the end. I can’t carry it by myself.

DocAtCDI, 3 days ago to random

just saw a phone number written on a pillar...

Should I column?

DocAtCDI, 5 days ago to random

You’ve really gotta hand it to short people...

Because they usually can’t reach it anyway.

( Send hatemail to @OldWhiteCISJackass )

DocAtCDI, 5 days ago to random

I was just looking at my ceiling. Not sure if it’s the best ceiling in the world, but it’s definitely up there.

DocAtCDI, 8 days ago to random

Why was Humpty Dumpty optimistic for winter?

Because he had a great fall.

DocAtCDI, 12 days ago to random

What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? Re-morse code.

DocAtCDI, 14 days ago to random

I have CDO.

It's like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order.

Like theyre supposed to be.

DocAtCDI, 14 days ago to random

YOU DON’T NEED TO BE PERFECT. YOU JUST NEED TO BE BETTER THAN YOU WERE YESTERDAY.

DocAtCDI, 20 days ago to random

My girlfriends cellphone service sucks!
Eight days ago she said, Were breaking up, the call ended.

it's gone straight to voicemail ever since.

DocAtCDI, 21 days ago to random

My son was playing computer games again so I said

When Abe Lincoln was your age he was studying books by the light of the fireplace

He thought for a moment and said

When Abe Lincoln was your age he was The President of the United States

Thats when I told him he was adotped

DocAtCDI, 23 days ago to random

Why didnt 4 ask out 5.

Because he was 2²

DocAtCDI, 25 days ago to random

Manager: Why would you make a good waiter at my restaurant?

Me: I bring a lot to the table.

DocAtCDI, 26 days ago to random

A fork will appear in the road that will lead you to your journeys end. Till then.. may the fork be with you.

DocAtCDI, 26 days ago to random

Lazy People Fact #562728943

You were too lazy to read that number.

DocAtCDI, 1 month ago to random

I have twin sons and now regret I didnt name them Rules And Regulations, or Hit And Run, or Law and Order or.....

DocAtCDI, 1 month ago to random

If there are ten cows in a field, which one is closest to Saudi Arabia?

Cow eight

DocAtCDI, 1 month ago to random

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary?
same with the Virgin Isles

Not One Canary there Either

DocAtCDI, 1 month ago to random

What do you call a man who cant stand? Neil.

DocAtCDI, 1 month ago to random

They all laughed when I told them that one day I would discover the secrets of invisibility.

If only they could see me now.

DocAtCDI, 1 month ago to random

I have a fart joke but it stinks so I guess I have to

DocAtCDI, 1 month ago to random

Will you marry me - Proposal
Will, You, Mary, Me -foursome request
Will, you marry me - Timetravler spoiling the future
Will you, Mary me - Cavewoman Introducing herself

Punctuation, it's THAT important!