Unixbigot

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

Installed debian netinst on a single board computer (had jack of ubuntu when it started saying "hey there's these security updates you didn't pay for). No curl, no git, no tmux, no avahi. I love it, a proper OS where you only get the bloat you ask for. Fingers enjoying the apt-install dance as I get this board set up to be a platformio dev helper. Remember, melting the USB ports in a scratch board beats melting your dev machine!

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

EXCLUSIVE EXPOSÉ: anonymous author of the so-called “Red Book” who claimed to be “self-made hero”—and to have brought together the alliance that defeated the Dark Lord— revealed as scion of wealthy family, owner of third largest Stately Home in The Shire, and inheritor of the Trollcave Treasure.

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

The teardown of the iPhone 20 and its Apple A13 AI processor revealed some remarkable architecture. Microscope closeups of the silicon die showed, instead of the regular grids of cache memory blocks, three pentacles. The use of triple-redundant summoning solved the worst of “AI hallucination” in text and image generation, but did nothing for the problem that—beyond counting the right number of fingers—demons are just terrible at math.

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

I remember those innocent days where a front garden full of amphetamine poppies in flower raised nary an eyebrow.

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

@NanoRaptor I think that means we’re canon now.

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

Edge cases are funny. If you set your time machine for 2:30am on the morning that clocks go forward, the machine rightly won’t go to a destination time that does not exist. But if you aim for 2:30 on the morning that clocks go backward an hour, which time do you arrive at? There are arguments for either, and reading the code didn’t clear anything up. Took one for science and did the experiment. I never would have guessed “both”, and neither would I.

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

Me: okay let’s go

Kid: be right there

Me: ok i’ll be in the car doomscrolling

Kid: [no show]

Me:

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

Hear me out here. Electric Mini Moke.

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

Wups. Yesterday was my 28th wedding anniversary. 🤦

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

So if I’m reading this¹ correctly a three year deep-cover operation to backdoor the entire planetary infosphere was blown because one person noticed that their tests suddenly ran a fraction of a second slower?

This is some “do you remember where you were back in 2024 when you first heard about…” level shit.

¹ https://boehs.org/node/everything-i-know-about-the-xz-backdoor

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

SecOpsers: did you hear several distros got rooted by a library that unpacked an exploit from a compressed test data file?

Managers: yes, we heard that tests are a security risk and will be deleting them all henceforth.

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

The traveling “astrorthodontists” used every trick in the book to entice Earth to pay for their services: “the neighbors will laugh at those crooked orbits and tilted axes”, “property values will suffer”, “we won’t be back for centuries! This is a one time opportunity”. I’m sad to say we fell for it; I miss autumn so much.

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

“It’s like the climate hoax-“ he was saying.

“The WHAT?” I demanded

“All that bullshit back in the twenties about global warming and imminent environmental collapse” he continued, finishing with infinite smugness, “then nothing happened.”

I didn’t kill him. “Because we FIXED IT, you idiot”

“Hah, you don’t believe that story that a bunch of WITCHES burned up their own souls to open a pair of voidgates to flush the atmosphere clean? That’s the dumbest story ever”

I didn’t hit him. “It’s not a story. It happened.” My mother was there.

“I’ve done my own research, and-“

I didn’t turn him to stone. Well, not permanently.

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

“It’s weird, every time I talk to Selina I hear this humming noise. I don’t get it with other synthetics, just her”

“She’s into you, gurl”

“What? How can you tell?”

“Oh, my utterly cute robosexual egglet, let me clue you in you about cooling fans”

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

“Hiya, Kevin, long time no see. You’ve bulked up, been working out?”

“Jess, I’m a /robot/, it doesn’t work like that. Tell the truth, I’ve got swollen batteries, it sucks.”

“Oh no, any way I can help?”

“Well, I’ve got a gofixme campaign running… health insurance says they won’t cover battery replacement until they completely fail”

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

They say that the way to tell the difference between a brown bear and a black bear (and no, colour is not a reliable discriminator!) is whether, when you climb a tree to escape it, the bear climbs after you and eats you (black) or pushes the tree over and eats you (brown). I’ve never seen a bear operate a ‘dozer before, but i guess that technically makes it a brown. p.s. halp!

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #WorldBearDay #BearsDiscoverCaterpillar

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

EURobocop: Dick Jones is wanted for murder. My programming will not allow me to act against an officer of OCP.

Dick Jones: (grabs gun and takes CEO hostage) I want a chopper! We will walk to the roof and if anyone tries anything, the old geezer gets it!

CEO: Dick: YOURE FIRED!

• THREE MONTHS LATER *

EURobocop: thank you (shoots jones)

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

"Thank you for waiting; your call has progressed in the queue and will be answered by the next available representative."

Repeated for 40 minutes. That oughta be impossible, yeah, for standard definitions of "progress", "next", and "has"?

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

“Are you sure want to commit to this? Once you’re a made being there is no leaving.”

“Of course, boss. I’ve always been loyal to this thing of ours.”

“All right. Members, if any one of you has doubt about admitting this candidate to the Elucidated Sibren of the Ebon Night, let them speak-“

“achoo”

“What was that?”

“Sorry, the dust. choo”

“No it came from lower down. Like your pocket. Is that an Imp? They’re wearing A FUCKING IMP. It’s the Watch! Kill it, then Execute Plan Scram!”

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

Today in sartology: The running gag that denim coats are called ”jackets” has been going so long that the word “facket” has almost vanished from active use.

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

The 1972 Arecibo Message had been hurtling across space for over 25000 years when it finally impinged on its target, the globular star cluster humans called Messier 13.

The hydrogen core cluster intelligence that was first to receive the message didn’t really understand the DNA diagram or the little stick human, being a gaseous entity, but the intent was clear.

“Awww, the little meat people sent us a cross stitch. Ima hang this on one of my planets!”

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

Ok that’s the two medicinal coffees bolted down. Awake enough to consider recreational coffee now. (What, you mean you don’t distinguish these? How do you get started, then?)

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

RECORD OF MEDIATION SESSION GC YEAR 542812.921, PARTIES SOL 3 EARTH VS QUANOR 6 GEDNAR

MEDIATOR: This session is to hear the complaint by sol3 represented by the human federation against Quanor6 represented by the empire of gednar.

Sol3: Your honor we-

Mediator: Stop. I am not a judge, this is not a court. This process seeks to avoid the need for either.

S3: Your eminence, we allege that the gednarians seeded our biosphere with reformation nanites

Quanor6: We did no such thing, you brought material from our probe into your biosphere on your own initiative

M: sigh this again. sol, did you intercept a quanor reforming barge?

S3: yes, we thought it was abandoned when it drifted into our system.

M: quanor, are you up to your old tricks again?

Q: we reject this unfounded accusation, and-

M: save it. You are reminded that while this is not a court, falsehood detection is in force

Q: …yes.

M: sol was your planet not seeded with the myth of the checks notes wooden horse, as you call it, warning against retrieval of reformation barges?

S: no, we got the horse legend all right.

M: universal spirit. All right, how many planets have you got?

S: uh, just the one.

M: great prophet zarquon on a bicycle, save me from noobs. quanor, nicking the odd planet from another civilization is barely aceeptable, but stealing from babies is just squicky. knock it off.

Q: but

M: no buts. You have three cycles to provide the nanite stand down code to sol. Now get out of my not-court both of you.

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

The vans to which the Queensland Police (ACAB) exile what i presume to be their least well regarded members to sit all day while the radar camera cranks out speeding fines are labeled on the side in large block letters “ROAD POLICING COMMAND”. I presume this is a tiny ego boost to try and prevent the particular bastard babysitting the camera from completely shriveling to nothing in the absence of any power to abuse.

Unixbigot, 2 months ago to random

Opinions were divided whether the hit PS6 game "Orbital Warfare IV - Satellite Apocalypse" constituted the pinnacle of mixed-reality gaming, or illegal Child Labor exploitation. Its use of real world Orbital Laser Emplacements to task players with averting the imminent Kessler Syndrome disaster was certainly /effective/, however.

#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot