I’ll be honest, I’m irony poisoned enough to can’t tell if you’re joking or just an American.
But just in case you’re serious, I’ll give a real short crash course on the difference between the left and right - and I mean this is really low brow basic that would get me shit for vulgarizing it so much.
If you wish to abolish the capitalist economic mode of production and establish a socialist economic mode of production, you’re on the left.
If you do not wish to do that, you’re on the right. This is why we - communists - call everyone from social democrats to fascists “Right-ists”. They do not seek to abolish the current form of economic production, but preserve it. Ergo, why we call everyone liberals, for wanting to preserve the liberal market economy.