What's a skill that's taken for granted where you live, but is often missing in people moving there from abroad?

I was thinking about that when I was dropping my 6 year old off at some hobbies earlier - it’s pretty much expected to have learned how to ride a bicycle before starting school, and it massively expands the area you can go to by yourself. When she went to school by bicycle she can easily make a detour via a shop to spend some pocket money before coming home, while by foot that’d be rather time consuming.

Quite a lot of friends from outside of Europe either can’t ride a bicycle, or were learning it as adult after moving here, though.

edit: the high number of replies mentioning “swimming” made me realize that I had that filed as a basic skill pretty much everybody has - probably due to swimming lessons being a mandatory part of school education here.

FinalBoy1975,

Just misunderstanding social cues. Where I live (Spain), there’s a script you’re supposed to follow for certain things and newcomers, understandably, don’t understand the script. One famous example is buying new clothes. They all look great on. The idea here is that the poor person spent their hard-earned money on the new clothes. Damned right they look great on! Another would be birthdays celebrated in public venues. Perhaps someone you know is celebrating their birthday in a public venue and you had no idea they were celebrating their birthday on that day. You walk up to them and wish them a happy birthday, BUT you were not invited to this celebration. Since you weren’t invited you did not come prepared with a present for the birthday person. The safe thing to do is to ignore, socialize with the people you came with, and make like that person isn’t even there until they approach YOU. When and if they approach you, you make pretend you’re all distracted and you have to be like, “Ahhh! I didn’t see you! What’s up?” The reason: that person is buying all the invitees the drinks and food. In exchange, the invitees have brought presents. It’s a very nuanced and weird situation all of us have encountered. We err on the fear of not having brought a present because we had no idea because we were not invited.

CassowaryTom,

That’s interesting. Would you please further explain the clothes shopping thing? Is it that it is rude for a shopkeeper or, say, the people you may be shopping with to say anything except “That looks great on you”?

FinalBoy1975,

It’s more like after they bought the new clothes. Like, your friend bought new clothes and wants to show you what they bought. It could be a friend, a brother, a sister, a cousin, an aunt, anybody. While shopping for clothes, before they buy the clothes, is the right time to criticize. It’s perfectly acceptable, and desired, to be out shopping and trying on clothes before buying them, to say whatever you like. “That makes your ass look huge, don’t buy that!” is desired, not discouraged. Never trust the salesperson. The employee of the store is going to tell you it all looks good so you buy it, even if it looks bad. They even try to sell you more crap, saying things go together when they don’t. I’m talking about after they bought the clothes and they’re showing you what they bought because you’re their friend or relative or whatever.

BottleOfAlkahest,

Is it not true in the US too? I wouldn’t tell someone who wasn’t a very close friend that their new outfit looked bad after they’d already bought it. That just sounds like a jerk move even here.

FinalBoy1975,

Yeah, it’s very similar, but at home in the US I can think of a few situations where it might be ok to say it looks bad from my personal life.

CassowaryTom,

Got it. That makes way more sense. Thanks for taking the time to explain it.

thedirtyknapkin,

huh, so the implication is that saying it looks good means that you’re passing judgment on the outfit when it would be incorporate? to my American sensibilities when i pay a compliment it’s just to be encouraging. there’s no thought in my head that i might say something negative about it. sometimes it’s like seeing a kitten and going “aww” I just try to let the kind impulse thoughts out intentionally. especially when complimenting my fellow men’s appearance. we don’t get that enough otherwise.

raptir,

The birthday thing fascinates me because it’s the exact opposite of how you would handle it in the US. Here you would wish them a happy birthday and then move on since you weren’t invited.

FinalBoy1975,

In the USA, the birthday thing is the best thing about the USA. It’s all about being selfless (I’m American btw, been living in Spain for so long I’m a citizen) and it’s actually something that creates conflict in interpersonal relationships between natives of Spain and the friends they make that are not from here. It is a huge drama that somebody needs to make a documentary film about now. This birthday thing has no age. It could be a 20th birthday or a 100th birthday. You ain’t invited, you didn’t know, you didn’t bring the presents, you just keep to yourself in the public venue. It’s harsh. It’s harsh because you were excluded and you don’t care, because you’re American, you just want to be nice and wish them a happy birthday. Spanish people are all nope on that shit. It’s all about the presents and who bought you the drinks and food.

nevernevermore,
nevernevermore avatar

are you saying its transactional then? like a social contract of "it's my birthday, so I'm paying for my guests food and drink." You, my guest, have accepted that contract by bringing a gift?

This flies in the face of birthdays I'm used to. There's no expectation that If I invite someone to my birthday that a) they need to give me a gift (I would never expect that) or b) I'm paying for their food and drink. I guess because that social contract isn't in place, the idea that someone can come over and say happy birthday isn't a big deal. It's just a gathering that happens to be on my birthday.

FinalBoy1975,

It’s not really transactional. It’s just a situation where you got left out of the birthday and happened to go out to the same place where the birthday is being celebrated. However, it’s interesting to note that there is no such thing as a surprise birthday party. The birthday boy or girl is the one that throws the party because of the reciprocity aspect. You wouldn’t be caught dead attending a birthday without a present for the person whose birthday it is. You also wouldn’t be caught dead letting people bring you birthday presents AND buying you dinner. It’s more like “tit for tat” than “transactional.”

valentino,

Lmao wtf is going on with the birthday party one.

FinalBoy1975,

I really think it would be a great movie plot. Could even be a slasher film.

monsterpiece42,

I grew up in the US northeast. The general lack of knowing how to dress warm everywhere else is pretty surprising, so I guess that’s the skill I’d pick.

Mananasi,

Swimming. It’s sometimes dangerous for foreign children to see Dutch kids swim and try to join them.

jasparagus,

When much of your country is below sea level, you must always be prepared!

Someology,
@Someology@lemmy.world avatar

Being able to recognize poison ivy. Growing up in a forest, it was one of many basic automatic skills learned in childhood, and I see and avoid it without much thought. I’ve had to prevent many friends from other regions or countries from causing themselves serious harm by ignorance of poison ivy, though.

idotherock,

Rural Japan.

My kids (2 and 4) can use chopsticks already. Plenty of restaurants around here where you won’t see a spoon, fork or knife. (However, it’s certainly possible to ask the staff for western cutlery, and in the main cities they’re more likely to be prepared for that question)

spikespaz,

Are you supposed to hold the upper stick with pressure from your index finger, or brace it against the crevice of your ring and middle finger?

Scarronline,

Yes

spikespaz,

Which one?

shinigamiookamiryuu,

Even with silverware I might use them as chopsticks by using their other ends.

enteroninternet,
@enteroninternet@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Driving. Moved here from Bangladesh to UK. I did a big mistake by not learning to drive in my country. Now its too expensive here to learn. Here driving is required if you want regular job well paying jobs. Don’t be like me. Learn how to drive.

shinigamiookamiryuu,

Did you not trust your potential driving skills?

enteroninternet,
@enteroninternet@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

I never learned. Never needed to in my country.

Kazumara,

Here in Switzerland the question you ask is usually, “do you ski or do you snowboard”? It’s just assumed that you can do at least one.

totallynotarobot,

Canada too. But there’s a generational divide wherein everyone <50 is assumed to snowboard, and re: skiing everyone assumes the downhill/alpine flavour only.

redballooon,

Makes me wonder, is there a higher rate of knee surgeons in Switzerland than in the rest of the world?

tryptaminev,

i’d assume not. If you Ski and Snowboard regularly, like all season or every weekend, you’d know well what to do and have the supporting muscles to reduce the risk of injury. Most people that go there for winter holidays just Ski or snowboard a week in a year, but then all day long. That is more injury prone as the lack of training meets an extensive physical stress.

Also people that do so in sports clubs will have specific training in the pre and post season times.

AEsheron,

Yeah, but even if the chance per outing decreases a large increase in outings can still bring the average up. I was an avid skier growing up aND hit the slopes every year, the only surgery I’ve had was from a skiing accident in my early 20s when I was forced to wipe out or collide with another skier and snapped my ACL.

1984,
@1984@lemmy.today avatar

The swimming lesson thing was interesting. I also assumed everyone learned how to swim in school.

redballooon,

I didn’t have swimming lessons in school until I was 15 or so, but then everyone except one of my classmates already could swim.

And I was seriously confused because not knowing how to swim was on the same level as not knowing how to ride a bike or use a fork.

fubo,

As a small child in Oregon, US, there was no swimming program at my (private) school, but my parents made sure that I learned to swim in the municipal pool. I remember the scorecard for early lessons — paddling was much easier than some of the other required skills, like “opening your eyes underwater”, ouch!

BucketHat,

I took swimming classes at my local YMCA after I was able to afford a membership as a young working adult. I was 25 at the time and in my swimming class, I was taught by someone that was much younger than I was and received very odd looks from either the young kids or the elderly folks at the swimming pool learning how to swim.

Despite the odd looks, I kept at it and finally learned how to swim!! I used to be deathly afraid of the water and never went in the deep end as I never knew how to stay afloat.

One thing that was the most difficult to unlearn as an adult was keeping myself perpendicular to the pool as I always relied on being able to stand on the floor pool to keep myself from sinking.

I also realized that chlorine destroys your ability to see the next day after being in the pool. My vision stayed blurry for days and not even my glasses were able to fix it. So if anyone reading wants to learn how to swim at a later age, definitely invest in swimming goggles.

1984,
@1984@lemmy.today avatar

Very good. People give odd looks about anything that doesn’t fit their little bubble world, so just ignore them. :)

shinigamiookamiryuu,

If that was easy, I’d probably know how. Maybe I don’t know how because I’m not 25 yet lol

1984,
@1984@lemmy.today avatar

Yeah absolutely. I learned at 35. Maybe you learn faster than me. :)

shinigamiookamiryuu,

What sparked the change?

1984,
@1984@lemmy.today avatar

Honestly I was just so concerned all the time about what others were thinking, to the degree that i got scared of doing anything even remotely outside the box.

It changed when I got tired of feeling that way every single day. I just had enough of that feeling you know? It’s a bit like just getting sick of your own emotions and you just feel this need to escape that emotion.

I think some people drink to kill that feeling. But I’m not a big drinker. Mother was alcoholic and it wrecked everything completely. I knew there must be a better way.

I think it starts with realizing that other people are not better then you. You need to stop apologizing for who you are and just realize that you are fine. And also to like yourself for something. Maybe you are just kinder then others. Whatever it is, start focusing on that and realize you are good enough and you don’t have to apologize for existing in this world.

shinigamiookamiryuu,

I mean, that is perhaps a part of my situation. It’s something that fluctuates as to whether it’s on anyone’s mind or not. I wish it was a factor nobody had to partake in. It’s painfully pervasive though.

JusticeForPorygon,
@JusticeForPorygon@lemmy.world avatar

I didn’t learn how to ride a bike till I was seven or eight, im central US

daddyjones,
@daddyjones@lemmy.world avatar

I’m from the UK and didn’t learn till I was about twelve. To be fair, that was really unusual though.

shinigamiookamiryuu,

There are too many hills near me to want to learn that. Why be on wheels when you got legs?

TrueStoryBob,

Southern Georgia, USA.

This is more of a regional rationalization about occasional weather hazards. Here in coastal Georgia, we get snow from time to time, about a half an inch to two inches once every three to five years. There’s a lot of people from colder climates that move here for work or retirement; they hear “a possible light dusting of snow” on the news or from a weather app and think that means nothing. Where they’re from it’s just normal, happens every year and there’s often more. They’ll even laugh at us for shutting down the schools and staying home from work for freezing rain. Here’s the thing: no one here knows how to drive in snow and will likely only see black ice a dozen times in their lifetime. Further, we have no salt/sand trucks, we have no plows, we have zero civic infrastructure to meant to deal with our very occasional ice storm or light snow. It happens so infrequently that there’s no way to justify spending taxpayers’ money to prepare in that way for those kinds of situations. So we shut down the schools and most businesses for a day or so and everyone mostly stays home. We’re not necessarily unprepared for winter weather, we just prepare in a different way that makes sense for the situation.

Xavienth,

I mean, driving in two inches of unploughed snow isn’t a big deal where I’m from but that’s - as you mentioned - where everyone has winter driving experience, but also winter tires.

TrueStoryBob,

It’s also that the roads aren’t treated and won’t be treated. Y’all are used to de-icing (or whatever it is) to help clear up all the frozen patches. We got 3.5 inches overnight like five years ago and, in some shady spots, the roads had ice for days afterwards.

UnverifiedAPK,

Further, we have no salt/sand trucks, we have no plows, we have zero civic infrastructure to meant to deal with our very occasional ice storm or light snow. It happens so infrequently that there’s no way to justify spending taxpayers’ money to prepare in that way for those kinds of situations.

I never understood the mentality of “it only happens every couple of years so we’ll never prepare for it” It’s not like Georgia is spending that money on other public services like railways

DragonTypeWyvern,

The simple math of it is it’s that it’s just cheaper to have some snow days.

TrueStoryBob,

Right! Also I would rather our state, counties, and municipalities spend their emergency prep dollars on things that actually hit us hard and often… like hurricanes. We might not be ready for what Wisconsin considers a laughably small amount of snow, but those cheese heads have no idea what even just a Cat 1 named storm can do in just six hours.

31337,

Same in central Texas. Moved here from a northern state. It’s much different driving on an icy salted road than an icy road with no salt. Cars don’t rust though. Trees aren’t used to it either, and drop tons of branches if we get freezing rain, causing vehicle and home damage and power outages. The energy grid and water systems aren’t made to handle cold weather either. Though, the energy grid and water systems can barely handle hot weather and droughts.

DaBabyAteMaDingo,

I don’t wanna sound insensitive but being unprepared killed a couple of Texans during that horrible blizzard, no?

31337,

Yeah, I remember reading about a whole family dying because a mother was running her car for heat in a closed attached garage. So, everybody died of carbon monoxide poisoning. I’m sure there were more deaths. Most people have all electric houses, so can’t heat or cook when power goes out. I was without power or water for about a week, but had a gas stove and drinking water stored (became a kinda “prepper” when covid first started).

hglman,

Going by yourself under at least 13 is nonexistent in the United States.

davrod,

Today. When we were kids, my brother and I started riding public transportation on our own at 8 years old. (Yes, in the 80s.)

airportline,
@airportline@lemmy.ml avatar

Good luck getting around the suburbs without a car

mackwinston,

Why we won’t raise our kids in suburbia: www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHlpmxLTxpw

aard,
@aard@kyu.de avatar

I’m currently bringing her to that specific hobby as it’s a bit further away than the area she’s usually roaming around in, and she needs to cross one major road (connection to the highway) to get there - but I guess in a year or two she’ll be able to do that by herself.

She sometimes gets brought to school in the morning as it’s the same building her brother is in for daycare - but if she starts at a different time than him she can get there by herself, and of course she comes back by herself when it finishes. She’s also not required to take the direct way home - or could even decide to go home with friends, as long as she calls us if she’s coming unexpectedly late.

Waraugh,

We’re in the US and my son has been walking home from school since he was six. It’s only a two mile walk. In the mornings I drive him up to half a mile from the school on my way to work. They don’t have bike racks at schools anymore it seems otherwise he’d ride his bike. On a few occasions I’ve had him walk to school also. His older brother goes to the bus and back but that’s only half a mile away. They regularly go roam the neighborhood alone or with each other.

Rekliner,

Our son’s public elementary school gave no leeway about letting him walk 4 blocks after school. In the mornings they couldn’t prove where he’d walked in from but after class they could only release him to an adult they had on their list… Nobody walked home from that school. I assumed it was insurance bullshit, but I also read stories about police being called by nosy neighbors for kids playing unattended in their yards.

As a 90s latch key kid I don’t get this modern American hysteria. I’m sure kidnapping/assault stats are better than they ever were in decades past… yet its less socially acceptable than ever to let a kid have any independence.

Waraugh,

I had to fill out a form and get a laminated tag for my sons bookbag that identifies him as a Walker so staff know why he’s just bouncing after school. I don’t want anything bad to happen to my son obviously but I remember being able to just do my own thing growing up (80s-90s) and I believe it did wonders for my development, decision making, and confidence.

I’m glad I have the option to let him do something that I just assumed was still relatively normal. I had no idea walking home from school wasn’t a thing for a lot of schools anymore.

That’s crazy…four blocks away and he couldn’t walk.

fubo,

When I was younger than 13 on two different ends of the US (Hawaii and New England), I took the city bus or rode my bike to go to libraries, bookstores, and other things in town; walked to the neighborhood pool; and so on. This would have been in 1988-1990.

It weirds me that not only are many parents not okay with that today, but that the schools and police have complied with their anxiety. Do you really want to have to drive your kids literally everywhere?

funkajunk,

People are deathly afraid of kidnappers and drug dealers getting to their children, when in reality crime rates are the lowest they’ve ever been.

fubo,

For the record, nobody ever offered me free drugs till I was in my 40s.

kamenlady,
@kamenlady@lemmy.world avatar

It all depends on the type of person. You’ll see if somebody would possibly be inclined to use drugs and become a potential client.

People stopped asking me if i sell drugs, around the time i turned 30.

paysrenttobirds,

Past two decades, my husband gets these offers any time his hair grows to chin length. But, yeah, not as a kid.

hglman,

I’m afraid of cars, that’s it. It’s a self-perpetuation circle.

jasondj,

Suburban dad here.

It’s not so much that I’m afraid of drug dealers or pedophiles, I know the statistics and it’s barely on my radar.

If my (almost) 7yo asked me if he could ride his bike or walk to a friends house, unattended, I’d probably let him…if it were on our street (1 mile long road that ends in a cul de sac) or the adjacent street (since we can cut through our neighbors yard to get there).

But beyond that? It’s literally miles to the nearest bus stop or store. Even to the nearest park or playground. And while most of that is suburban secondary streets…it’s curvey, it’s hilly, there’s no sidewalk, shoulder, or bike lane, and people drive way too fast on it (and usually setting up their podcasts or checking on their pizza delivery while they’re at it, I assume, by how erratic they are).

I’m terrified to walk on it, at nearly 40. I couldn’t consider letting him ride unattended on it.

Atomic,

The ability open a glass bottle with a utensil instead of using a bottle opener.

Urbanfox,

I just use my teeth and it horrifys anyone I’m with…

Jokes on them though, because I’m the one with an open beer.

Nalivai,

Oh I did that when I had most of my natural teeth. For some reason I don’t have them anymore, I wonder why

Atomic,

Careful man. I’ve seen so many people chip their teeth trying to do it. Only takes 1 mistake 1 time.

unionagainstdhmo,
@unionagainstdhmo@aussie.zone avatar

I’ve seen someone open beers with his wedding ring

tryptaminev,

rings, coins, lighters, keys, teeth, eye sockets… Anything is a bottle opener if you are dedicated or drunk enough

phoenixz,

Hah, would you look at that. Nice to hear other countries being like that!

aard,
@aard@kyu.de avatar

I assume that was meant as comment reply? :)

I think in many European countries bicycling is at least a common way for the kids to get around - at least it was like that in Germany, where I’m originally from. There are huge differences in the available infrastructure (which also impacts how many adults stick to cycling) - but also was fine in Germany just by bike.

Infrastructure in Finland is a lot better, though, and cycling in winter also not a problem.

phoenixz,

Yeah, I pressed the wrong button here. I’m new to this app, used RIF before and I’m still getting used to how this Works

In any case, I know that bikes in the Netherlands are so normal that I think I was born on one. It’s nice to see that other counties are (getting) there too. I now live between Mexico and Canada and cycling in either country is suicidal, still.

I feel that, with climate change being what it is, car cities are unsustainable and entire cities will require redesigns in infrastructure and uramban layouts to allow for bicycles and pedestrian traffic. Design cities for people, not cars!

Anti_Weeb_Penguin,

Don’t walk on dark places at night.

Turun,

Do you mean going outside, even if it’s dark is the skill?

Or do you mean not going to dangerous places is the skill?

Because those are two very different things, if you’re in a peaceful region.

Anti_Weeb_Penguin,

Where i live some places are completely peaceful during the day and extremely dangerous during the night, i speak from experience.

shinigamiookamiryuu,

I didn’t know this. I do this all the time.

EzekielJK,

Hiking and basic wilderness knowledge.

I live in the Mojave Desert. Simple stuff like knowing not to cut through bushes, wearing proper shoes, avoiding feral dogs, and always having something to defend yourself with when walking in the desert aren’t common among a lot of people who aren’t originally from here.

AgentOrange,

What do you delete yourself with in the desert? A water bottle?

kamenlady,
@kamenlady@lemmy.world avatar

Just select yourself and hit that back key

currawong,
@currawong@lemmy.ml avatar

Defend yourself against what? (I live in western Europe)

its_pizza,

In the Mojave? Mountain lions, coyotes, maybe a dog, and snakes (though that is more a matter of “avoid” than “defend”).

BigNote,

Unless you are badly injured or a small child, coyotes are not a threat. Credible reports of healthy coyotes willingly attacking healthy adult humans are basically non-existent. There’s always something else going on that precipitates the attack.

You are far more likely to be killed by the heat and lack of water in the Mojave than by any animal.

Edit; unless by “coyote” you mean cartel-affiliated human traffickers, in which case, yeah, they definitely are bad news.

blueskiesoc,
@blueskiesoc@lemmy.world avatar

Also non-cartel coyotes rest during the day. I lived in Nevada where coyotes are a given, but never in my life saw one during the day.

currawong,
@currawong@lemmy.ml avatar

Thanks. No Wendigo, then? ;)

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