I find the """man up""" school of thought generally works for me when faced w a tough situation but 97% of the time it's presented as an obnoxious show of bravado. What are better ways to phrase this?
like, if i’m feeling bad but force myself to do something, i usually feel better. how to maintain the usefulness of this advice without presenting it as ‘fuck your feelings’, in that usual arrogant right wing sort of way
Edit: The wife and I always use the term “rally”. Like, “Here we go a-rallying again” or “we’re rally-gals today”. So maybe instead of “man-up”, you could try “It’s time to rally”?
Gee, it doesn’t fit you, it leaves out your whole gender? Take another look at yours. If you want something more neutral, and with a little softer edge,
“Sometimes you just gotta suck it up”
implies you understand that what they are facing sucks, doesn’t suggest they’re not a man if they fail, and doesn’t imply that female=worthless.
High King Margo, the destroyer. Just finished a rewatch of this.
Not to bash her performance since I love the show, but did anybody else think she was kind of phoning in some of her scenes in the final season? I started wondering if something was happening behind the scenes.
When I getting to the point of boiling over, I remind myself that what I am doing is hard because its the right thing to do. It usually helps or at least puts me into a mindset that evaluates what I am doing to make sure that its worth the hassle.
I reframe it as a reminder that something is temporary. “I only have to deal with this for x more hours/days/whatever” helps me remember that while I gotta be tough now, I don’t necessarily have to be later.
It’s not useful as a punchy slogan, but in periods of duress I try to step outside my feelings to evaluate my goals and reactions, and then when I have done that analysis I visualize myself doing a kind of DBZ power up sequence, but kind of defensively oriented. It sounds ridiculous and I am explaining it really poorly but it seems to help
“Man up” is the perfect wording of it. It means take responsibility instead of waiting for someone else to do it. Historically the men are the ones who had to face full reality whereas everyone else could rely on some layer of protection.
You could also try saying “macho your nacho” which I just made up.
It's kinda sorta stoicism, just phrased in a judgmental, dismissive way, that is also pointlessly and rather toxically gendered. It's close to the minimum amount of helpfulness "advice" can possibly have.
Being done with stuff feels good if your reward system is working properly. Other than that, while you can have "inertia" issues getting started and that feels kinda stressful, procrastination tends to get stressful too, after a while. At a certain point you'll just have delayed the gratification to fit in some more worried and often unsatisfying faffing around.
Since pushing through whatever seems to work for you and make you feel better, I would focus on that instead of nonsense about not being macho enough.
One thing that I have drawn strength from repeatedly in hard times was drilled into me by a great professor in undergrad (psychology):
You cannot experience personal growth without struggling; without hardship.
Think of the people who are sheltered from the real-world and then get a full dose of it and are unable to cope and preserve like others who had to grow up early.
I remind myself amidst struggles that I will be coming out on the other side a stronger and more capable person. It helps me to accept the shit on my plate and refuse to give up.
I think instead “be nice to the future you”, in the end do we do most things for our future self. It may be hard today but you will be happy you did it tomorrow.
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