I find the """man up""" school of thought generally works for me when faced w a tough situation but 97% of the time it's presented as an obnoxious show of bravado. What are better ways to phrase this?
like, if i’m feeling bad but force myself to do something, i usually feel better. how to maintain the usefulness of this advice without presenting it as ‘fuck your feelings’, in that usual arrogant right wing sort of way
I'm going to analyze this assuming you're more manly than not, since that's where my experience is at.
Emotions are separate, related issues that can be tackled just like a man can. A therapist with "Men's Issues" experience knows how to frame the woo and abstractions of regular therapy with more actionable techniques. Someone with very intense or inappropriate emotions may need to face the emotions MORE than the problem at hand. There are techniques and viewpoints to be understood, and I had to use these myself.
It's stuff like simple facts about emotions. They exist. They influence your actions. They can be modified and analyzed. They need to be managed like an adult manages a child. Ignoring emotions can compact them into deep seated hurt that induce more emotions. Process your past to free yourself from that hurt. It won't be fast, but it needs to be done.
If certain situations that cause emotions can be avoided, do so when reasonable. If they cannot be ignored, recognize that external help through tools, techniques, and friends are not weakness, but the weapons you use to to fight your battles. Forgive yourself slipping while always focusing on the output. Learn to cry, and know how it makes you more powerful and strong.
Notice that this is closer to "wise old karate master" or "Boy Scout Scoutmaster" talk. It's what men crave but rarely find in popular media. IF the person does not have issues with their emotions and have a sufficiently sized ego, pulling them through the first steps of anxiety and hesitation is enough to make someone feel competent and secure. Positive visualization, goading their ego, pushing buttons (gently), it's good for many men but not for all of them, and it just doesn't translate to a lot of women. Expand your arsenal of emotional management for your target audience. You're a good person for wanting to find a better way to help others.
It does beg the question of where did that phrase come from and what exactly are we sucking up. Maybe it is a penis, I don’t judge. But also, what if it’s a delicious cake?
There is something of a line between self-care and self-coddling. This is an example of active self care. Sometimes feeling better is a matter of building resistance to the desire to administer convenient but less enduring instant self gratification.
Maybe conceive of it as refusing to spoil your inner child who operates emotionally and not logically?
Man up is a masculinization of a notion that equates to common adulting. It’s about taking responsibility, which women are obligated to do as much as men in 21st century society.
A related term is to pony up meaning to pay a bill which has a lot of intersection (as many responsibilities are financial, especially those associated with manning up) so pony up could be repurposed.
“Your feelings matter, but your actions matter too, and you choose those.”
“The only way out is through.”
“What can I do to improve my situation.”
Don’t let douchebags scare you away from this, but this is basically stoicism. It’s not that your feelings don’t matter, it’s just that sometimes you actually can change your situation and it’s good to do that then
Man, I fuckin love that song. I’m surprised there hasn’t been a lot of hate towards it, at least that I’ve seen. I’ve seen some pretty vitriolic things aimed at media making far more innocuous implications lmao
Maybe explain, as you’re doing so well here, that your goal isn’t to be invalidating. You could point out that sometimes distracting, venting, or leaning on coping mechanisms can actually become the problem. They can become a way to avoid and minimize our own feelings, abilities, and issues. Even basic actions, like taking a much-needed shower, taking a brief walk or finally making it through a whole workday can trigger massive chemical changes in our brain when we’re in a crappy place.
I hope this helps. I think you’re bringing up a really helpful sticking point here, and having received and misunderstood many a “man up” pep talk during depressive episodes, I gotta say it’s a very cool move for you to workshop supportive language like this
Technically what you’re describing is discipline. It takes a lot of will power to just make yourself do something. You can take pride in that. Call yourself disciplined, principled, stoic.
In fact, you might broaden your perspective on this particular subject by looking into stoicism. It’s like a “manly” mindset but without the gender or toxicity attached.
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