I met a girl that I’m interested in and enjoys comics like I do, would something like asking her out to a comic store be dumb? I have a hard time talking to girls so not sure if this would be a dumb idea.
I’m a girl who likes comics. Do it. If you can find a nerdy shop with snacks, even better. Ask her about her favorite characters and have her pick out one for you to read, if you don’t know it. That would be an awesome green flag for me. Be careful not to get too serious/gate-keepy, though. An open mind is the best way to approach this.
I once plucked up my courage to ask a girl if she would like to go see a particular show with me the following night. She said “I would, but I am already doing something tomorrow.”
I was totally unprepared for this answer and just heard “no.” She was probably a little surprised to be asked out suddenly, and didn’t take the initiative to suggest another day.
We didn’t go out. That was that. Huge mistake by me. So my advice is: be open to complications in her answer. And listen closely. If she says “I have plans.” that’s a polite decline. If she literally says “I would like to go, but I have plans,” that’s quite different.
It’s hard to hear the differences and react smoothly if you’re nervous about asking, like I was. Best of luck!
One of the best first dates of my life was going to the Comic Museum in San Francisco. You could do worse than a comic book store. @skulkingaround has the best advice. Good luck!
If you only talked to her once or something and didn’t know her that well, maybe just ask her to hang out at the comic book store and mention you enjoyed talking with her, or something you genuinely liked when you last talked to her (other than her looks).
This sets up a low expectation meeting where you can figure out if it’s a crush or you actually like her and if it’s not mutual you can just hang out as friends if both of you are comfortable with that. The goal should be to feel out of you like her and not to try and convince her to go on a real date, just be yourself and see if there is compatibility in a one on one setting.
Just be honest with how you feel at the the and respect her feelings as well.
While I respect your opinion, I couldn’t disagree more here.
It doesn’t sound like he’s looking for a friend, he’s interested in her romantically. Playing it “safe” might send mixed signals and just end up with him frustrated in the friend zone. More importantly, it’s deceptive about his intentions and starting their relationship, whatever it ends up being, on a foundation of dishonesty. That’s a recipe for disaster.
He should approach it as if it’s a date, because that makes his intentions clear, and allows the whole accepting/rejecting play out much more quickly. If he really wants to be friends with her after the rejection, they can work on it.
I’m not saying he should come on strong, but this wishy-washy approach that “is it or isn’t it a date” thing just likely isn’t good for anyone involved.
I find a coffee type meeting and a conversation is a good way to feel out of it’s a crush or actual connection. I definitely wouldn’t linger if there’s a mismatch in expectations but I’ve also regretted jumping straight to dating with someone I would have liked to hang out with platonically but now they feel weird about it or think I dumped them.
It’s definitely not how a less emotionally mature me would have operated so maybe your right and it’s not the best advice here.
I’ve gone out on dates with women who I would never claim I was dating. If someone had asked me that directly, I would have said “no, but I did go on a date with them.”
So I still think what you describe is a date, but to be dating requires at least more than a one off thing.
However, I’ve also dated, or gone on a date, with women whom I remained friends with afterward. Although I can’t think of any now that I am still friends with. I think we kind of, unintentionally, fell into the area of “let’s be platonic to see if anything comes if it” and when it didn’t we drifted apart. No biggie.
It’s a good idea. You may want to plan a second activity like lunch or a walk in the park as well.
And just be direct. Something like “Hey, do you want to go on a date with me? We can grab something to eat and go to the comic store.”
If she says no, don’t push it. Just say okay and wish them well.
I too was terrible at talking to girls. I still am but my girlfriend doesn’t seem to mind lol
Whatever you do, just don’t try any pickup artist or smooth talking tactics. It’s gross and cringey, doubly so if you don’t have the confidence to pull it off.
I would also disagree with a lot of the other comments, if you want to date this person, make it clear you want a date. Don’t try to do the be friends then turn it romantic thing. It can work but not when you already know you want to date them.
I think the asking for a date right away strategy doesn’t really work with everyone. You can be already sure you want to date her, but she can feel she doesn’t know you well enough yet and asking directly like that could feel like you’re too fast for her. And it could close the door for you. It’s ok to get to know one another a bit before you go out officially.
But also being wishy-washy can close the door for you too, such as if you end up in a friendzone from which you can’t escape. The difference is that if you are forward with your intentions, you are being honest. If you mask them because you are trying to build some rapport first before to get what you want, you are trying to manipulate them.
From what OP wrote, they aren’t total strangers given he knows she likes comics. He sounds fairly young so I’m guessing she’s in his social circle or someone from school. If they were total strangers or just met for the first time, then yeah I’d say it would be a good idea to strike up a casual conversation or two before asking them out. You just really don’t want to develop strong feelings for them before you ask them out. It’s a recipe for pain if she says no, and can make things pretty awkward if they’re going to have to keep seeing each other regularly.
Getting to know someone is what dates are for. If that closes the door they were never gonna work out. Don’t force love on people by disguising it. Life is too short for games.
I think it’s a cultural thing, if I meet someone in certain contexts it’s better to start with coffee or drinks after work and feel each other out 1 on 1, and in others like an app or singles event, just ask them out. I also guess some people would call the first thing a date.
It is not like you start a romantic relationship if you ask for a date. The date is the opportunity to learn more about you two. Dont ask to meet at your or their place. Make it a public place so it is no problem to end the date and just walk away.
Thing is, for some people it would be dumb. But why would you want to date or even be friends with them? Sounds like the chick you want would want to go on a comic book store date so go for that chick till you find her.
As I said in a reply to someone else, I highly recommend you are clear in your intentions. If she thinks it’s just a hangout, lots of things can get wrong. She might get mad when you bring up date stuff. She might invite other friends.
Don’t take your cues from romcoms.
Also, how old are you, approximately? Is this urban, suburban?
Have some ideas for what to do next if she accepts your date, because you don’t want to be bored in the shop after an hour and fizzle. Know some public places nearby for food or drinks.
Had I asked my ex wife on a date when we met, I probably would have lost my virginity that night. Just to give you an idea of how good of an idea it is.
Now, your results may vary, so don’t expect that. But if she likes comics the answer is hes
Ok dude… I’m going to go back and time and tell 15 year old me what to do. You can come and listen if you want.
"First off, let’s not rush shit. You always rush shit, so you need to play it cool. Don’t say date… even if it’s a date, don’t say date. You asked two girls you liked as friends to go to see a movie you wanted, and one got mad you asked the other one first because she thought it was a date. So you gotta be cool.
"So basically say “want to go to the comic book store?” She likes comics she’s going to say yes. Heck don’t specify a specific time, so when she asks “When?” you know she’s interested, work out a time. Even if she asks “like a date” say “what ever” with a smile, she’ll think it’s cute. Play it cool dude!
"Second do a little research, find some place to eat that’s cool. If it goes cool at the comic store, suggest going to grab a bite. Don’t choose anything too pricy, casual just two friends chilling out. If she thinks it’s a date, it’ll work, if not it’s just a hang out. Great. Then play it by ear. She might suggest “What do you want to do?” She might just want to go home and even if she doesn’t want to eat that’s not the worst thing.
"Now dude, I’ve given you the plan. Let me tell you the other side. You’re a fucking idiot, you’re going to flub that, but don’t freak out. If you say something stupid it’s not the worst thing in the world. You’re a nerd, but if she’s the one for you, she’ll like that about you. Just don’t rush shit… You got this.
“Good luck Young Kinglink” ( Spoiler, never worked, didn’t find my first girlfriend until I was 24… ehhh now married and happy so you get there eventually ). And good luck Chris, but take it easy my friend, and don’t push the date aspect too hard unless she’s given you signs, and I’m guessing she hasn’t… yet.
Others are saying make it clear it’s a date, but if you do that, it’s binary. She wants to date you and says yes, or she doesn’t (and that might hurt your friendship)… she probably doesn’t know you well enough to date you yet otherwise you’d know for sure if this was a good idea.
Oh but to answer your question. For the right girl? A comic store date would be perfect, especially if you know she likes comics.
Counter argument: unclear communication is a road to sorrow and anger. Be clear with your intentions. You may suffer some losses up front, but you won’t waste your time with someone who’s not interested in what you’re interested in.
Also, if someone isn’t excited to go out with you, you can do better.
If the other person thinks it’s just a friendly hang and you abruptly context switch into a sexual/romantic thing, there’s good odds she’ll be mad, and rightfully so. She may read it as you weren’t actually interested in her or the activity, but were being deceitful to try to get in her pants.
Be honest. Be prepared for rejection. Don’t mislead people.
Listen, I get the modern mentality of “If women don’t want to date you who cares if you scare them away.” but having friends is more important to dating someone so maybe building a social network is better than just rushing to date every girl you meet. Besides if a guy has no female friends, probably
If the other person thinks it’s just a friendly hang and you abruptly context switch into a sexual/romantic thing,
Yeah the key is you don’t treat it as a sexual/romantic thing at first, if you’re both interested, there will be SOME clue or at least get to know her first., rather than trying to date her immediately. This isn’t a speed run competition, you can take some time to get to know people.
There was 8 years where I “tried to be clear”… guess what, I ended up with 1 female friend because most women don’t want someone who tries to date them to hang around with them. And that was long before this whole incel/friendzone shit was popular. If you meet a girl and immediately try to date her, that’s the biggest of red flags.
But go do you, just don’t be surprised that “Being direct” keeps biting you in the ass.
Your reply is not fully applicable because the context here is he already wants to date this woman.
You can and should have friends that aren’t your own gender. This post specifically isn’t about that. The guy wants to date her. Hanging out and pretending otherwise can quickly tip over into something unfortunate. You can find out awkwardly late that they already are seeing someone, they don’t date men, they have incompatible relationship goals, or whatever, and make less good decisions because you’re acting with incomplete information.
Many of my friends have been women. Many of them I didn’t especially want to date or fuck.
I had many years in my youth of awkwardly hanging around women hoping something would align.
Turns out “Do you want to go on a date? There’s a bar by me that has arcade machines” and “do you want to make out?” are a potent combination.
I think it sounds like a great idea! Some people treat dates like they’re supposed to be impressing the other person. The best dates are the ones that are just about getting to know someone.
Of course the usual date rules apply. Listen more than you talk. Be considerate. Don’t criticize her interests. Have fun!
The hardest part of meeting girls is talking to them. It takes guts to put yourself out there and resilience to handle the rejection if it doesn’t go the way you want.
Ask her out. A public option is good. Something she likes. Comics are a good start if that’s her thing.
If she says ‘yes’. On your date:
Be very hygienic (shower, clean clothes, brushed teeth, gum)
Ask courteous questions and listen. I have yet to meet someone that doesn’t enjoy talking about themselves (yes, I know they exist). This also makes your end of the conversation easier. Favorite music, food, places to visit, hobbies, etc.
Have a next place in mind if things are going well, but the comic shop has gotten stale (coffee, dinner, a walk somewhere well lit, etc.). Be open to her suggestions.
If she says ‘No,’ be respectful, and try not to take it to hard. It wasn’t meant to be. Take pride knowing you had the guts to try.
Nah. I’ve heard plenty of horror stories from women. None of which were about comic guys. I’ve had coworkers that were painful to be around. So that wasn’t really the assumption.
… That said I’m pretty sure I’ve read about conventions and ccg tournaments where they had to start making rules because hygiene was so bad.
"Hey, wanna go on a comic book store date with me at [store name] on [day of the week]?
The ask, the expectation of a date (and admission of romantic interest), and a specific time and place. Don’t leave the question open-ended or vague. Then she can respond in a few ways: 1. Yes. 2. I’m not free that day; is there another day that we could go? 3. No thank you.
This makes everything as clear as it can be, with little room for misunderstanding. And it’s not a dumb idea at all to have a comic book store date. If you have a hard time talking to girls, don’t talk to girls. Talk to humans who happen to be girls. They’re people, and you’re a person too, so you don’t need to overthink it.
This is the way. Maybe add in “I was thinking of going there to shop for [comic store merch], and maybe getting one of the famous [food items] they make a few doors down at [food establishment], and it would be fun if you join me.”
Maybe she says no. Great! You can then mentally break up with whatever image of the two of you that you had in your mind, and go ask the next person. And if only one in ten says yes, that’s great.
She’s probably going to say yes and be super excited.
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