P.S. This is a place to discuss your own personal opinions about yourself and your choices, or ask earnest questions of others if they wish to answer. If you've come here to preach or degrade other's choices, that is a block from me.
@RickiTarr
I just want to be alone in my house for a couple of hours. So no. The older I get, the less appealing more people with a claim to my attention sounds.
120 minutes, people! (Stares off into the distance.)
@RickiTarr
I've been in 2; one worked, the other didn't.
But, I feel I need to mention that I am almost pathologically incapable of jealousy.
(I wish that was a joke or some humble-brag about my lack of insecurity. It's not, and I have plenty of insecurities.)
Monogamy -as is generally practiced- is mostly a social construct to enforce norms and secure the transfer of wealth.
Our species' reproduction cycle lends itself to multiple variations on relationship styles - all of them are natural.
@RickiTarr I've big actively polyamorous for longer than my transition and it has given me and my found family so much. It was the reason my wife and I had room to breathe after I began my transition, while figuring out what our relationship was becoming. It has allowed me to nurture each relationship and friendship on its own terms to be what it will be, rather than forcing arbitrary boundaries and expectations.
And it's taught me to not take for granted what people need and want and what needs to be discussed in a relationship. So much of the "security" that I thought monogamy would give me before was actually more of an illusion. The people I was with and me would rely upon the script of monogamy to provide security and sustained love, but it actually can't do that itself. Polyamory opens up the need to actually talk about what is people need and want rather than taking it for granted - something I think all couples should do
@RickiTarr Not open. I get extremely jealous. However... Poly is a maybe if we were all committed to each other and no one else... Although the few times pre-marriage I was with multiple people at once I always kinda wished one of them would go away. It would take the right people.
The very short version of that is that I prefer a primary (for lack of a better term) partnership where we are free to explore a range of erotic interactions with others. When I don't have that partner person in my life (alas), it's all open. Erotic exclusivity makes no sense to me.
The "not poly" part is that I find it hard to split emotional energy that much. I'll leave it there, but there is lots of nuance beyond that.
One thing: not being strictly monogamous narrows the dating pool waaay down 😕
@RickiTarr I’m definitely not well adjusted enough for an open/poly relationship. I’m probably not well adjusted enough for any relationship TBH but can on occasion fake it.
I have some friends in a poly relationship. She's had her two 'husbands' for 10+ years, they co-parent an adorable kid and other than some health issues on her side a generally unfucked up relationship compared to most people I know. But legally they can't make it legal
@RickiTarr honest answer: I don't know. I've only ever been in monogamous relationships and while ethical polygamy sounds good in theory, I don't think I'll be inclined to try it out in practice. Has too many opportunities to get real messy.
Nope. I'm only capable of one intimate partner at a time.
I have a thousand and one shades of love, caring, and friendship. But polyamorous relationships don't click for me.
I've nothing against them, we're just not resonating frequencies.
Poly, maybe. I like a stable environment, more people makes that less likely but it's not impossible. It took me long enough to get to a monogamous marriage, I'm happy in this local maxima.
The government really needs to support poly arrangements equally to monogamy.
@RickiTarr that's an excellent question. I would like to think that I could, our family has plenty of love to go around and personally I've never had issues with jealousy. My wife would thrive in a poly relationship and has actually tried to encourage me into the same as well. For us, I feel that some of the larger problems would actually be the meeting new people at this point in life.
No way ... I think it's due to the fact that the way I have been treated in previous relationships ... All but one cheated on me, I gave them trust ... They betrayed it
I tell people it's because I am selfish and don't want to share the one I am in love with
@RickiTarr A family member is in poly relationship. Nearly all in the family are aware, and we are all cool with it. But it's definitely not for me personally. It strikes me as rather complicated to negotiate the inclusion of multiple partners, and I like to keep things simple. :) I was stressed out when both partners were going to visit us, and how to make both feel equally welcome, and I was JUST the hostess in this scenario. <grin>
@RickiTarr
I’m a hetero (cis) male, 62yo. At this point of my life, I’m not interested in any more relationships. I’ve had enough, thank you. More power and blessings to those who are still searching, but I am done.
@RickiTarr I'm reminded of one of the questions I have actually. If people who are in poly relationships want to have children, especially biologically, what are some of the ways people have gone about negotiating the appropriate partner to have them with?
@RickiTarr to be clear: are we talking about a special occasion/vacation threesome, or a long-term throuple? Yes to the first; I dunno, probably not to the second. It would just open an emotional can of worms that I'm ill-prepared to deal with. One at a time is difficult enough.
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