Threats and punishments don't work, he gets more fighty in response. He refuses to believe that I'm lonely and tired and on the edge, and that we need help. He wants everything to stay the same, but it just can't, and we can't get him to explain what his issue is.
He's doing this thing where he keeps saying "we'll do x on this later date" only to say it again when later date comes, I.e. He doesn't actually want to do the thing ever, but won't say so, or why.
And it's not a problem with the person, apparently.
"Did you think she wasn't nice?"
"She WAS nice."
"Did you think she wasn't fun?"
"She was fun. She just can't come by tomorrow..."
Please, someone #ActuallyAutistic or better yet, #PDA, can anyone explain what might be happening here, how can we work with him, come to a compromise?
Because I feel so much tension and ache in my head and my heart at the prospect of being isolated in my own home because my kid refuses to allow help over, I don't think I can last.
@seawall ok, #actuallyautistic here. How old is your son? What does he normally react strongly to? Did the woman bring particular sensory stimuli into his environment (sound, colours, light...) which he isn't normally exposed to?
Strangers can be very difficult for autistic people to deal with. At 68 years old, I am still deeply uncomfortable around strangers.
I honestly wonder how much hell I put my parents through. I certainly didn't intend to, I was going through hell myself.
@simon_brooke she brought nothing she didn't bring to the initial interview (conducted at a local cafe, that he attended after hanging back with his dad at first), apart from the iPad that we agreed she'd bring so he could show her his favourite games, like Fancade.
I thought we'd been very careful about involving him in decision making at every step. Racking my brain to think what we missed
@seawall There may be nothing you did wrong.My parents were both intelligent, responsible, caring, loving people. These situations are just genuinely very hard.
Theory of mind doesn't really help us when faced with people whose minds just work differently. Be gentle with your son, he is probably trying very hard to make an accommodation with the world. But be gentle with yourselves, too.
@seawall@Nonbiner aye, it either goes out or it goes in. I am so sorry. This is so hard. It is easy to understand why medieval people believed in changelings, and in demonic possession.
Strive to be calm and consistent with him.
Try to avoid breakdown yourself. He is suffering. You are suffering. You are, I'm sure, all of you, doing your absolute best and it isn't working.
I often thought at the time that the only humane thing to do with children like me was to kill us.
@simon_brooke@Nonbiner my heart breaks at the thought of any kid feeling that, but having been a troubled undiagnosed kid until university (and not even properly dxed til age 35), I know the feeling 😔
Add comment