FWIW the lows feel like something I have experienced before. When my mind was in turmoil and life surely had nothing to look forward to other than more pain.
I don't believe that now like I did then, but the helpless terror of life is still the same.
More than 25 years ago I had closed the door on that part of my life, I thought for good. I've spent those years since, not what would be called happy, but content.
@OftOverthinking I still remember the first months of transition with something like wonder mixed with horror. I had no idea the lows could be SOOO low. It felt like a mistake just because I had the capacity to be sad at a scale I did not even understand was possible.
Over time, I realized that before I was not feeling lows, I was feeling numbness. And that my baseline pre-transition was so much lower.
So not only did I feel more variability in my moods, my average mood changed. That took a long time to get used to.
@Impossible_PhD@DivineKestrel
A thing that messes with me, is that I've realized that I have always used what used to pass for emotions in a lot more decision making than I would have thought.
This has seriously fucked up my judgement now.
I don't know how long it will take for the scales to adjust. Hopefully not too long.
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