@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

DivineKestrel

@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw

Black autistic train wreck of the manic pixie dream girl variety. Desperately sapphic and depressingly monogamous.
Constantly walks into the cocktail party naked in heels because my sense of boundaries is entirely fucking broken.

I dream of having bigger tits, a day collar, and someone who calls me "pet."
Someday I will meet a woman willing to tie me up in a vaguely uncomfortable position and fuck me until the pain stops. Until then I'm here to rip my chest open and pour 75 conflicting emotions all over everyone's expensive shoes.

I post about sex A LOT because I'm a horny chaos demon. My posts auto-delete after a while for the safety of humanity.

If I don't know you, you might consider interacting a bit before requesting a follow or I might ignore it.

If you're a cis man, you might consider not interacting at all…or at least thinking real hard before explaining my own jokes to me or describing the nuances of politics or science, both which I've written actual books about.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Happy Mother's Day to all Trans mothers. You are doing an incredible job under circumstances that nobody else would ever understand.

rooster, to random
@rooster@chaosfem.tw avatar

Twink, twunk

DivineKestrel,
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@rooster YAAAASSSS!!!! The best caption for you!!

DivineKestrel, to random
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Cis people wishing Trans women a happy Mother's Day without being ironic or weird.

Difficulty: Impossible.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Full depth on orange, bitches!!

WrenArcher, to random
@WrenArcher@beige.party avatar

Happy Friday everyone!
I have another submission. This time it’s even got a Fun Fact About Wren. 😉

p.s. my apologies for the ASMR breathing sound of my recording. I did this while people were still asleep and was a little close to the microphone.

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@WrenArcher I would totally eat Wren's brownies. @Alice @amiserabilist

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

I can't stop fantasizing about what Jason Momoa would look like post-transition.

DivineKestrel,
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"Don't be ridiculous! YOU look like Jason Momoa post-transition!"

Jesus! Shots fired!

(Also… I was "too old to transition" too.)

Me, made up with cat eye glasses, teal and purple hair, a low cut green scoop neck top, a brown collar with a D-ring, and eyes saying "You know who you are."

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

*Sees a small Oregon town on TV

God I wish I lived there.

*Actually lives in a small Oregon town

God I wish I lived in a big city.

DivineKestrel, to random
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Oh these?

*Looks down at chest

These are my JSON blobs

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@amye there are few people I know who would understand this, but you will.

I just had an interview with Oregon DEQ about an application architect position in water quality. It's a big project they are working on. At the end of the interview they asked if I had questions and I said I wanted a detailed description of the project.

Remember Hydrasi? The company I tried to build to make environmental data open and accessible? Amye… they are building Hydrasi!

I almost started crying. I still dream of that becoming a reality.

I thought I wanted this job before. But now I very desperately need this job!

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

What cracks me up is when you go to a restaurant, and they ask if you've been there before, and then they say, "Well, we do things a little different here", and then it's exactly like every other restaurant, but more expensive.

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@RickiTarr @Alice I went to a swanky pasta restaurant in North Carolina where they said they don't serve rolls but do have hand crafted milk-bread. It came baked in a terra cotta ramekin and was very expensive and very good.

It was also just a regular-ass dinner roll, because adding milk to make an enriched dough is literally how you make a fucking dinner roll. 🙄🙄

rooster, to random
@rooster@chaosfem.tw avatar

Ok honest question is this too aggressive for a 38 year old woman or am I pulling it off

Me, a white woman with curly brown hair. I’m wearing a gray crop top and jean shorts. Side view.

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@rooster

*calls auto insurance company

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

*Slides on lace panties

*Snaps stockings onto garter belt.

*Puts on violently red lipstick

*Pulls on low-cut, backless dress

*Steps into stiletto heels

*Walks into the IT convention speaking loudly

"Why aren't there any lesbian characters in Star Trek?!"

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Tomorrow, I have to answer a question for a job interview about what diversity means to me and what I've done to support it…

And somehow I have to not go on a tear about how I've never done anything to support it because I'm struggling to just fucking survive and as the autistic Black trans woman have never been in a position of power that I COULD support it and the fact they are asking me that question without considering that is the fucking problem with "diversity."

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

The person who's no longer my CEO as of yesterday wants to have a zoom meeting with me to discuss the job and thank me for my time.

When I was told I was laid off, I was told my last day on payroll was technically yesterday.

So the meeting where I was told I was laid off was unpaid time.

And now the CEO wants to meet with me to …what? Assuage his guilt? On unpaid time?

This is the kind on entitlement I fucking hate so much about tech.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Welcome to the world of the unemployed, I guess.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Thinking about going to a women-only BDSM/leather casual munch event. I Just want to meet some people in person. But trying to talk myself into it is surprisingly terrifying.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

[desperate for girldick voice]

How does the internet work? Is it like a big telephone?

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

The fuck are y'all so excited about Hades II for when you could have been playing with Terra II this whole damn time?!

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

*Voice speaks, sounding like it's from a memory

Therapist: "I just feel like you keep trying to carve a Terra-shaped space into this relationship where there's just not room for you. And you keep finding that's not possible, but you keep trying anyway and getting hurt."

*Camera slowly zooms on Terra sitting alone in her bedroom, staring at the floor, unable even to cry.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Rumor has it it's @Alice's birthday! Happy Birthday to the walking 90s version of American Doll! 💖💖

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Me: I have to take it easy and rest today.

Also me: I'm gonna make fresh goat milk ricotta, a big focaccia, and this homemade Swiss roll recipe from Bake-Off that has peppermint cream frosting.

OftOverthinking, to random

My mental life now seems to be a mix between highs and lows.

So much of the time, I have a kind of underlying joy and ease I've never experienced before.

Using computer metaphors, I describe some of it as killing off processes that are hogging up system memory for no good reason.

It's as if I finally managed to fully uninstall RealPlayer (and this is as wonderful as we always dreamed it would be).

But, then there are the lows.
...

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@OftOverthinking I still remember the first months of transition with something like wonder mixed with horror. I had no idea the lows could be SOOO low. It felt like a mistake just because I had the capacity to be sad at a scale I did not even understand was possible.

Over time, I realized that before I was not feeling lows, I was feeling numbness. And that my baseline pre-transition was so much lower.

So not only did I feel more variability in my moods, my average mood changed. That took a long time to get used to.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Braless in an underbust corset to go grocery shopping and I legit feel like a fucking warrior queen.

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

So, I can't decide whether the guy at the supermarket was hitting on me or was really that interested whether the Morningstar Farms breakfast sausage tasted good and was a good option for breakfast.

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@rooster I very much feel the same about you.

@caroline @Willow

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