@Dani@mastodon.sandwich.net
@Dani@mastodon.sandwich.net avatar

Dani

@Dani@mastodon.sandwich.net

Yet another birdsite refugee... and now here. WIP, TBD. She/her, trans/lesbian, married dad, mechanical engineer, car girl. HRT 5/2/2022

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Terra, to random

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    Dani,
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    @Terra Fucking mood.

    Terra, to random

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    Dani,
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    @Terra Hmmm... that's a tricky one. Well two. And it's clearly sacrilegious.

    Terra, to random

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    Dani,
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    @Terra 🤣

    Terra, to random

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    Dani,
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    @Terra I respectfully disagree with your views regarding the sum, but have the same thing going. Albeit it's like pulling teeth to get myself to accept the good parts too.

    Dani, to random
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    Hmm. Playing with ... not exactly up to voice training? Practice anyway. And of course it's another repressed dysphoria source that my brain is editing out. Of course.

    To wit... do a couple recordings where I try different things. "Oh, they all just sound like me. Wait, that can't be right." And sit and start trying to figure out how one of them sounds and... oooh gosh there's the sort of stomach in the throat feeling of the top of a spiral I don't feel like going on right now.

    Dani,
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    @Tweetfiction If I try to tell difference on pitch and resonance that's where the spiral part comes in. 😅

    Dani,
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    @miriamrobern I just realized an hour ago that it's shot day. 😅 That probably doesn't help anything.

    @Tweetfiction

    Terra, to random

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    Dani,
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    @Terra wistful sigh

    Darn if that's not an accurate label.

    Dani, to random
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    Kind of a riff on a conversation elsewhere... say I come into myself, figure out presentation that feels like me. Become somewhat attractive maybe?

    ... then what?

    I can't imagine that (let's logically agree: relatively plausible) end result at all; it feels like a different person I don't understand over there. And that's terrifying

    Tweetfiction, (edited ) to random

    Sometimes it bums me out when I see truly gorgeous trans women having massive self-confidence issues. I'm like, you look like THAT and have to remind yourself? What hope do I have? 😩

    Edit: not hope to be gorgeous. Hope to be seen as a woman. Just to clarify. And yes, I'm aware I'm everyone's biggest cheerleader but my own. Typical, ain't it?

    Dani,
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    @Tweetfiction Grass is always greener, etc...

    Terra, to random

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    Dani,
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    @Terra I think I just wasn't clear what I wanted to do at first after I had the pieces to put things together in the right order. But... I remember Tyla's denial.

    Terra, to random

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    Dani,
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    @Terra You know, I can't disprove that, but I don't know myself well enough to guess what this hypothetical person would be seeing. 🤷‍♀️

    Terra, to random

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    Dani,
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    @Terra ... heck sis. This feels so familiar, like something I needed but didn't know I needed. Or wasn't willing to admit.

    💜

    Dani,
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    @Terra That... resonates. And I'm not sure what to do about it.

    Dani,
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    @Terra 💜

    Well. Short term not sure. Longer term I guess it points to things.

    Terra, to random

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    Dani,
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    @Terra 😏 😘 @rooster

    Impossible_PhD, to random
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    There's a very specific piece of gendered violence that the trans community rarely talks about, and which was inflicted upon us by WPATH (before WPATH was WPATH) and the APA, and which I will never forgive them for.

    By requiring trans people to go stealth after transition, to pretend that there had never been a transition, by effectively making generations of us a shames of who we were, these organizations have robbed us of our elders. Of the people we can look to to see the future we...

    Dani,
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    @Impossible_PhD @ThePoetSky

    waves

    Dani, to random
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    ... it's not like I'm going to not figure out presentation and just boymode my whole life or something... but the idea of people noticing me is... frankly a bit terrifying. And feels just like completely a downside. IDK, just me?

    Dani,
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    @dangeousenby Yea... not even a safety aspect or something, just... being seen? By people?

    Dani, to random
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    Annoying quirk of bra sizing, with cup volume increasing with band size for a given cup size... big frame means despite having A Reasonable Amount Of Boob already, I'm way out of bounds on practically findable bras unless I assemble some frankenstein thing.

    Le sigh.

    Dani, to random
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    It's fucking transphobic I can't open access panels on my arms to install integrated blades. Why are we just getting the bad parts of the cyberpunk future?

    Dani, to random
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    Name popping into my head lately - "Cass", short for "Cassowary", like the Australian murder bird.

    It keeps not going away.

    Dani, to random
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    Hmmm. The totally normal, non-queer urge to get "FRONT TOWARDS ENEMY" tattooed on my chest

    Terra, to random

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    Dani,
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    @Tweetfiction @Terra The problem is I'm in utterly weird territory on band sizes on account of having Amazon Sized underlying structure and even the closest I can find is ... not close at all.

    If you look at volume calculations it's going to be A Lot Of Tit; like A cup at 46" band is like a liter of tit per tit.

    Dani,
    @Dani@mastodon.sandwich.net avatar

    @Tweetfiction @Terra
    I'm fortunate that it doesn't constantly prey on my mind (such as it is (as other stuff is doing its job)) but it's just ... sobering you know?

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