SkyezOpen

@SkyezOpen@lemmy.world

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SkyezOpen,

DCR is genuinely fun to watch as well. It’s everything a kid with matchbox cars did, but with hilarious “professional” commentary. Also the track is always fucking amazing.

SkyezOpen,

Let’s say for a minute, that hypothetically, everyone was in fact kung fu fighting. Now statistically speaking of course, this is impossible. Now hypothetically if they were, hypothetically of course. Now, would they all be performing the same so called Kung Fu move? Statistically speaking that is highly unlikely. This would also, hypothetically, be quite dangerous if it were to actually occur. Coming from a medical official, my wife, who is a doctor, she says that hypothetically, this would be dangerous. So, logically, this would not happen. So in fact, there is no way, impossible even, that everybody was Kung Fu Fighting.

SkyezOpen,

I stole it but I’ll take the wedgie anyway.

SkyezOpen,

Except lightning travels at 270,000 mph, therefore it is literally impossible that their moves were “fast as lightning.”

SkyezOpen,

You are on private property.

It’s a state school, it’s public property.

SkyezOpen,

Gasp. Are you suggesting corporations don’t actually care about representation and just want that sweet sweet lgbtq money? How dare!

I find it hilarious when people get upset about companies that don’t change profile pics during whatever month, when it’s not like any of them give a shit in the first place.

SkyezOpen,

It’s pretty fantastic for generating hype. Sure gamers can commiserate with each other over particularly hard campaign levels in offline campaigns, but malevalon creek was a whole wave of memes and other engagement.

It’s just such a shame Sony had to shit it all up, and that the devs keep pumping out monthly warbonds instead of fixing and balancing what we already have first. I haven’t tried polar patriots yet but the reviews so far are not great. Meanwhile they keep nerfing good weapons.

SkyezOpen,

Uh oh, I just realized I haven’t condemned hamas in the last 10 minutes. People are going to think I hate jews now.

SkyezOpen,

Been ages since I played, but I remember random events while chopping trees actually hit pretty hard. How do you not get one shot?

SkyezOpen, (edited )

It’s from a long debunked paper. Anyone claiming any correlation between vaccines and autism is willfully ignorant at this point.

SkyezOpen,

Not to my knowledge, but anyone trying to link it to vaccines would also be full of shit.

SkyezOpen,

Grindr, probably. Don’t Google his ladybugs.

SkyezOpen,

As much as I would like to see Russia get shitmixed by a proper first world army (not that Ukraine hasn’t been doing phenomenally), I think that might actually put putin in a corner.

Ideally we’ll just keep giving Ukraine equipment and propagandize how hard they’re kicking russian ass and sanction the hell out of Russia until the people and oligarchs lose their appetite for Ukraine.

SkyezOpen,

Looks to be advanced sovcit brain damage. Like not only do they believe they have the magic words and forms to defy whatever law they like and pay debts, they also believe all judges and lawyers are secretly evil beings that can be bound by a special paper, and ignoring it only proves how extra super evil they are.

Absolute insanity.

SkyezOpen,

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

SkyezOpen,

It’s always been agitprop for one thing or another. Hell, I was an edgy teen over a decade ago and there was always a BBC thread and a WHITES ONLY thread running at all times, and both were interspersed about how jews wanted blacks to cuck all the white guys. Truly unhinged shit.

SkyezOpen,

Any idea why they don’t just apply LLMs to natural language processing? “Turn the living room lights off and bedroom lights on” should be pretty simple to parse, yet my assistant has a breakdown any time I do anything more than one command at a time.

SkyezOpen,

When the very first thing that happens is being stranded 75 years travel away from home, yeah everything else just kinda loses its punch. Janeway is always one cup of coffee away from genocide.

SkyezOpen,

Well he’s still technically in the army so he should get paid, and seeing as he’s indisposed at the moment, no reason why it shouldn’t go to her. Unless he took her off his beneficiary list, though I doubt he did.

I held a baby squirrel today! (lemmy.world)

Story time! We recently bought a rural property with a burnt down house on it and are going up every few weekends to clean it up. I’m up there this morning picking up random sheet metal and yeeting it into the trash pile. Suddenly I hear frantic squeaks…I look, and I accidentally yeeted the cover of a squirrel nest (I think...

SkyezOpen,

Almost definitely a rat. I should’ve guessed having 3 lol, but I hadn’t seen a baby until looking it up.

SkyezOpen,

Smart people know there’s a difference between what Republican politicians say and what they mean. I’m willing to bet there’s plenty of republican men who will see “child support before birth” and go “woah hold the hell on.” We can legislate women all we want, but you don’t touch men.

SkyezOpen,

On highways it does well enough, but yeah when the road is reflecting it gets really sketchy. Also it gets finicky around truck shadows.

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