bluecat

bluecat, 1 day ago to random

A small PSA.

Stop to consider before you comment on someone’s outfit. Whatever you’re about to say, is it necessary? Is it kind?

For three decades I have quietly struggled with body dysmorphia. I am about as average as it gets. I am a US size 8, I am 5’6”, there is nothing about me that stands out very remarkably.

More important than my height or size is that I can climb a 5,000ft peak with my husband and run a 5k without trouble and go on all the adventures I please because I do my best to take care of myself.

Yet despite all this I often look in the mirror and somehow see an eight foot billion pound twenty armed sea squid staring back at me (metaphorically speaking). I can stare at myself and know there is nothing wrong with the jeans and t-shirt I have on, and then change my outfit five times before going back to the original outfit, stressing anxiously the entire time.

I have to deliberately practice self validation to walk out the door in the simplest outfit sometimes. I have to stand in a mirror and tell myself stuff like this:
“I have just as much of a right as anyone else to exist on this planet, no matter what I look like”
“It’s nobodies business what I look like”
“I’m not Korean and I am not supposed to look Korean” (this one is specific to the fact that I live in Korea and I have a very non-Korean shaped body).
“I should wear what I like unapologetically”
“The people important to me love me exactly the way I am”

No one I know would guess how difficult it is some days for me to just put on clothes and leave my house, especially because I love eccentric styles and am pretty sure I was a Harajuku girl in some past life. I’ve created this illusion that because my style is different then the average I must be completely confident about how I look. This seems to make people feel like they are entitled to comment on my clothing choices.

So when you meet up with someone, please don’t say things like “aren’t you going to be hot in that?” Or “jeez what happened to your shirt, did the cat get to it?” (Yes someone said this to me recently because I was wearing an intentionally distressed sweatshirt). “I don’t know how you are wearing that…”

Feel free to just say nothing at all about a person’s choice of clothing and instead say something like “I’m so happy to spend some time chilling with you today!”

You really have no idea what someone’s experience with their body and clothing is, no matter how comfortable and outgoing you may perceive them to be.

/psa

bluecat, 1 day ago to random

As if I'm being invited to the women in engineering Maine AI conference only AFTER I have completed my thesis project on AI. hahahaha....

Not that I can go anyway I suppose.

bluecat, 10 days ago to random

Just noticing the pharmaceuticals you see in American ads always sound like Pokemon names.

bluecat, 11 days ago to random

seeing people kiss with tongue on television and you can SEE the tongue... makes me wildly uncomfortable.

bluecat, 13 days ago to random

My daughter came home and told me her friend dumped her because she’s too bossy and I opened my big stupid mouth and said something like “well your other friends have also said they felt you were bossing them around, so what’s going on that everyone still feels this way?” And she ran down the hall screaming “HOW DARE I TRY TO TALK TO YOU AND EXPECT YOU TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING!”

Then she locked me out of her room (she’s 10)

Sorry but what is the universe on today? For real though.

🤦🏻‍♀️

bluecat, 13 days ago to random

In Korean lessons I'm learning how to say "when I'm feeling like ____ I do __________"

My Korean teacher asked me what I do when I feel bad, to change my mood so I told her:

기분이 나쁠 때 Sims 4 Xpacks 많이 사요.

So, looks like I'll be buying another one given the events of today.

bluecat, 13 days ago to random

This exhausting friend is one of those people who is uncomfortable with silence and feels the need to fill every second with chat even if it's awkward and repetitive.

Almost laughable that right before all this happened the song I was listening to was the Anberlin cover of Depeche Mode's Enjoy the Silence.

Almost laughable... if I wasn't crying on the inside over my flattened airpod.

bluecat, 13 days ago to random

The last month has been very people-full for me with my kids out of school for two weeks, then my MIL staying with us for two weeks and a lot of other people-y activities.

As an introvert I've been on the brink of a mental break down in my desperation to be alone for awhile. Today I had a korean lesson and then finally I was free to be by myself.

It's gorgeous out, so I went for a walk. I had my airpods in, as usual.

A particularly emotionally exhausting friend of mine who I just spent all day with yesterday spotted me (dammit) as I was crossing the road.

In an effort not to be rude I removed my airpods from my ears because she wanted to join me (dammit) on my walk home.

An airpod slipped from my hand into the road, but now the crossing light was red so I had to stand there waiting for it to turn green again so I could run out and grab my airpod. As I waited I had to watch two cars... run over my airpod.

I use my airpods for about 60% of the day almost every single day. I used my old ones until one short-circuited in my ear and I had to replace them, just a couple months ago.

Sigh.

I just wanted to walk alone and listen to music.

Other people are literal hell.

bluecat, 13 days ago to random

I have been out of school for four two days and in this time have already been asked four times "so what will you do now that you are out of school" and "so are you going to get a job now?"

Listen here.

I was not doing just school before I graduated. My life and schedule are full and busy and fulfilling.

What is this idea that school was the only thing validating I was doing with my time? Because I'm no longer a 9-5 employee? This mentality is annoying and your questions are annoying.

bluecat, 16 days ago to random

I passed. That’s it I am officially done with school forever and you guys never have to hear me complain about homework again. What a glorious day!!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

bluecat, 16 days ago to random

Here I am trying to focus because my thesis presentation is happening tomorrow at 7am (😰) and here comes my husband saying shit like “remember that game Snood?” Like I need that kind of distraction in my life this evening.

bluecat, 19 days ago to random

Me: "Hi Professor. You made a note on my draft asking me to include my deliverable in my appendix as well as in my paper. Do you want just the link to the deliverable in the appendix, or the entire document?

Prof: "How long is it?"

Me: "10 pages"

Prof: "Then include it in the appendix."

....? Is my initial question here somehow not clear...? Seriously wondering. Still unsure whether to include link or whole document in my appendix!?

bluecat, 1 month ago to random

Friends. I got a 97% on the draft for my thesis and my deliverable and I cried.

All semester I've been questioning if I'm going about this properly and if my deliverable was actually... worthwhile.

Thank you to those of you that gave me advice and support and those of you who have been cheering me along.

Two more weeks and I'm done with school forever!

bluecat, 1 month ago to random

Practice your deep fake detection skills:

https://detectfakes.kellogg.northwestern.edu/

https://www.media.mit.edu/projects/detect-fakes/overview/

bluecat, 1 month ago to random

thesis draft turned in and heading to Seoul for the weekend.

Intrusive thoughts of "my project is trash" have already commenced.

bluecat, 1 month ago to random

The most difficult character trait I deal with is my short attention span and habit of procrastinating coinciding with my need to turn in really well done work always perfectly on time.

the struggle is exhausting.

bluecat, 1 month ago to random

I am soooo cloooose to the finish line of school forever. I AM SO CLOSE.

I need to turn my thesis draft in this week because I'll be out of town next week. Once I finished the draft I'm like... that much closer right? All that will be left is editing and presenting.

And yet.

AND YET.

Here I am making a mastodon post instead of focusing.

dammit.

bluecat, 1 month ago to random

YouTube recommended me a video titled "How to Dance at Events in your 40s and 50s and Not be Embarrassing".

Srsly? Now that I'm 40 I just automatically embarrass people with my public dancing?

Jokes on you, YouTube, I've always been an embarrassing dancer!

mattblaze, 1 month ago to random

When I post photos and discussion of them, I often get suggestions that I should be on some other instance. I don't understand this. The big strength of a federated network, as I understand it, that it doesn't really matter that much what instance I'm on - people from anywhere can follow me.

My current instance (which I support) doesn't seem to mind me posting photos, and most of my followers are on non-photo-centric instances. What would be the point of moving?