cashews_best_nut

@cashews_best_nut@lemmy.world

Cashew nuts are the best nut

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cashews_best_nut,

Dutch is a strange language.

cashews_best_nut,

This is a conspiracy between Big Goggles and Big Ketamine to take attention away from Elon Musk.

cashews_best_nut,

Thanks!

Holy shit! That Swan guy is a fucking legend. I’ve never seen Trump get that hounded by a journalist before!! He needs to et this more often. Why the fuck aren’t more people pressuring him with questions like this?

cashews_best_nut,

If only more people were like me - lie on the sofa with laptop on belly eating ice ream.

No more genocide. Much more shitposting.

cashews_best_nut,

I can’t believe this! I’ve been feeding starlings near me with bits of Greggs baguettes and pastries.

Have I received a stone?

Have I bollocks!!

Selfish little bastards - I’m going on strike. No more will they take advantage of my altruistic nature!

I thought I was building an army of starlings! Instead I’ve been taken for a fool!

cashews_best_nut,

Oh ok Mr Picard - make NO attempt to inform us of this game will you!? 😝

cashews_best_nut,

CONSUME!

Taylor Swift launches legal broadside at a college student who tracks private jets via public data (www.seattletimes.com)

In late December, Swift’s camp hit Jack Sweeney, a junior studying information technology at the University of Central Florida, with a cease-and-desist letter that blamed his automated tracking of her private jet for tipping off stalkers as to her location. In the letter, attorneys from the law firm Venable accused Sweeney of...

cashews_best_nut,

You ever heard of the curse of being famous?

🤢🤮

cashews_best_nut,

banter

It won’t work. I regularly post banter, irony, sarcasm. But it just gets taken too seriously. People accuse me of having an agenda or seriously believing some of the utterly outlandish things I say.

I’ll sa stupid shit like “the Java programming language causes cancer” and people will think I’m fucking SERIOUS?!

The other day I said the VERY obviously unserious: “Only bourgeois homosexuals and gentrified lesbians use Wayland”.

Bear in mind I’m gay and my that user account has a rainbow flag in it!

One lesbian found it funny and responded. It was mostly downvoted and it lasted 4hrs before getting deleted and my account banned.

I regularly make comments that are blindingly obvious sarcasm - they use utterly ridiculous sentences like the above about “gentrified lesbians”.

Everyone takes them seriously. There’s absolutely NO fucking humour allowed unless it follows a VERY stale Reddit-esque meme format that people are used to.

When someone said they tried meth once and hated it I replied “Skill issue”.

I was battered by downvotes.

Another example: I puffed on a strong vape for the first time one morning and made a WHIMSICAL post of: “WOW! How is nicotine legal!?” - cos it almost knocked me the fuck out. I wasn’t serious!

Dog-piled by people saying - “Yeah well alcohol is legal!” or “What’s your endgame here? What’s the agenda?!”. Or “If this is bait, then you’re pretending to be an idiot. If not, you’re an actual idiot.”

What’s with assuming the fucking worst of everyone’s posts?! What happened to “que sera sera”?

“Yes I’m bragging about fucking my body you well-oiled grape.” - -9 downvotes.

“WELL OILED GRAPE!!!” Oh of course I must have absolutely meant that fuckign classic burn. I don’t even WTF it would mean if taken seriously.

“But if I dropped you in the Pacific ocean you wouldn’t live long.” to a “Hydro Homie” espousing the virtues of water. -8 downvotes (fucking sarcasm!)

“The weight of my intellect is a heavy burden to bear.” - Obvious fucking sarcasm -8 downvotes

“Java devs are the reason humanity will never have FTL drives.” - -3 downvotes. Java devs really have NO sense of fucking humour.

I refuse on principal to add the brain-dead “/s” bollocks for obvious sarcasm. It’s not my problem the world is wet lipped and loose knickered.

The entire fediverse is filled with humourless, miserable, cynical wishy-washy cunts who dont’ spot sarcasm irony or anything unless it’s written in BIG FUCKING CAPITALS.

THIS IS A FUNNY - DONT TAKE SERIOUSLY

cashews_best_nut,

To add:

Someone posted in a UK sub asking if a “Good News UK” community would be good.

I commented something like: “It’d make sense to set up and leave it empty while bloicking any submissions cos there’s bugger all good news about this country”

4 DAY BAN but not just from the Good News UK community - from every other community they moderated including the Nature one which pissed me off most of all cos I fucking love British nature!

Hedgehogs are my fave animal and I’ve nurtered some back to health. I love tits and especially the crested tit.

Heaven forbid anyone leave a wry comment! Christ you’ll get banned from fucking everything.

So no, banter is dead. Humour is dead unless it follows a brain-dead Reddit meme everyone understands.

cashews_best_nut,

Yes - thank you!! I’m not sure when it happened but the internet defo feels very different when I compare it when I was running a vBulletin forum in the early-00s.

It was very much an anything-goes wind-up fest.

There’s places you can still be sarcastic and ironic. FOr example Reddit’s 2westerneurope4u is good but as a whole everything’s a lot more serious and dour.

I hoped the UK subs on feddit.uk would be less uptight but unfortunately they’re some of the worst for taking things wrong. Whereas on Reddit UK subs they’ll proudly refuse to use “/s” the Lemmy users are just as blind to obvious sarcasm.

Even when I’ve posted videos of British comedy such as Chris Morris it will get donvoted cos I assume people just don’t want to laugh?! You’ll get people commenting seriously about how such-n-such is better or “oh yeah this was funny when it came out but I didn’t like X, Y, Z”.

Like fucking hell guys - when was the last time you all laughed?

I dunno, I’m gonna carry on doing my thing. I refuse to be battered into misery by the cynical masses. :)

cashews_best_nut,

I staple my foreskin closed then add a bit of superglue. Cheap condom. 👍

cashews_best_nut,

I stick my arse over the edge of the bath and spray with the shower.

cashews_best_nut,

Hey I’d rather be forgotten that be the root of all the worlds ills. 👍

cashews_best_nut,

The back of my brain is fizzing.

cashews_best_nut,

When Zefram Cochrane is born you’ll eat your words!

cashews_best_nut,

I can still chew my toenails off at 40! Apparently that’s good.

cashews_best_nut,

immediate amphetamine for serious head trauma.

Always have a little bit of emergency meth on hand!

cashews_best_nut,

For anyone who hates the gym learn decent bodyweight exercises. I can’t stand weights and hate the indoor sweatbox. But I’m happy to do bodyweight exercises til the cows come home. Push ups, pull-ups, rows, squats, etc.

You can get Android apps or check online.

“Convict Conditioning” is one I’ve used before. It’s designed for people without equipment (convicts in a cell!).

cashews_best_nut,

😂 that gif seems prefect!

cashews_best_nut,

Jealous? 😜

cashews_best_nut,

Lemmy.ml is just as bad. I suggested Nicaragua wasn’t a democratic country. Holy shit!! I got downvoted to hell, pasted left and right. Given 24hr ban.

Then I got a 4-day ban cos I suggested “Tankies give socialists like me a bad name”. Fucking hell fire. I’m not going near any of their subs again.

cashews_best_nut,

Do you think everyone should agree with you always?

No of course not but I subscribe to the original Reddiquette philosophy. Downvotes arne’t for disagreement. They were originally a form of user-moderation to stop spam. Unfortunately about a decade ago after the Digg exodus the users of Reddit forgot that original usage and so you’d end up being downvoted and not knowing why. It doesn’t foster debate or discussion. It’s a cheap way to snipe someone down without being responsible or engaging them.

I never, ever downvote unless it’s obvious link spam. If I feel strongly enough I tell the person they’re wrong and why. That’s what I believe in.

I am curious, what current of socialism do you subscribe to?

Libertarian Socialism. In the UK the closest parties/groups would be Black Rose Labour and/or Jeremy Corbyn’s Labour. The countries closest to my beliefs are Denmark, Iceland and Norway.

However, the people on Lemmy.ml took further offence when I suggested DPRK wasn’t a democratic country and they trotted out a list of articles on how democratic it really was. Then I was given a bunch of Stalin emojis of him pulling heart shapes with his hands.

I’m not a fan of autocratic dictatorships and I was dog-piled and taunted with a bunch of Stalinist and DPRK memes. Because apparently you’re not truly left-wing unless you worship Stalin and Kim.

I would have been happy to debate these points with them but unfortunately my reticence of autocratic dictatorships was considered far worse than what was directed at me in response.

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