@dave@autisticnomad.social
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

dave

@dave@autisticnomad.social

Autistic digital nomad, ADHDer, optimist, lover of learning, tinkerer, CTO of a startup.

I live in an RV and travel around North America

Header: Large bus-sized RV with a small blue car parked in front. Palm trees in the background stand tall against the early glow of a sunset.

Profile: Man with glasses and reddish beard standing on a suspension bridge over a gorge

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dave, to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Who knew it was possible to hyperfixate on TWO things simultaneously?

Not me.

dave, to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

What do the terms "hyperfixation" and "hyperfocus" mean to you?

I've seen these terms used interchangeably. I'm writing a blog post about hyperfixation coping strategies, and I want to make sure I'm clear on how I'm using these terms.

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic I appreciate all the responses 💚

Here's how I define and differentiate the two:

Hyperfocus is when we fall into an intense and deep flow state. When we're hyperfocused, we lose track of time. We forget to eat or drink water. We also usually get superhuman amounts of things accomplished. Hyperfocus is a state of mind, and is limited in scope to a single session.

Hyperfixation is a longer term phenomenon. It involves obsessive and intrusive thoughts about a thing, and repetitive hyperfocused sessions. It's usually accompanied by intense feelings of joy and excitement. It can last days, weeks, even months.

Hyperfixation is not all rainbows and unicorns, though. Which is what I'm struggling with, and what I'm writing about.

Does this resonate with you? Do you experience these things?

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@FrightenedRat

I really like the way you distinguish between the two as a matter of intensity and choice. In particular, that hyperfocus is a choice, and hyperfixation is not.

Then you throw in Autistic inertia - which I find is more intense when I'm hyperfixating - and it's a struggle all around.

@actuallyautistic

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@FrightenedRat

That being said, I have felt in the past that hyperfocusing on a project every day for weeks, and dropping "lower priority" things, was a choice... and in retrospect, I'm not sure it was. I suspect that it was actually hyperfixation making a project seem so exciting and fun, that even self care became lower priority. And I ultimately suffer for it.

@actuallyautistic

dave, to RaspberryPi
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

Anyone have any experience with OrangePi single-board computers?

I'm not looking for a direct RaspPi replacement, just a small computer that runs off 5v. Curious if they're any good.

#RaspberryPi #OrangePi #SingleBoardComputers

dave, to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

First attempt using cannabis to calm my hyperfixated brain seems successful.

I was able to relax and stop thinking about my current fixation. I was also able to get to sleep fairly easily, and stay asleep.

This morning, I my ADHD meds (something I don't do every day), hoping that they'll quiet my brain and help me control my focus away from the fixation.

This is the first time ever I'm actively working to manage and curb my tendency to fixate on a thing. I have hope it's manageable..

dave, to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

There's a lot I don't love about being Autistic... but one thing I DO love is how systematic and logical my brain is. I can often successfully troubleshoot systems I have no experience with, because my brain just gets systems.

In our RV, our bed is on a slide-out. That means that it extends and retracts: it's retracted while driving, and extends about 18 inches from the wall of the RV when we're parked.

On our way to LV, the bed slide broke. It would extend, but only one side would retract. I found a hacky workaround that let us get it retracted so we could finish our trip.

I did some diagnosis once we got to LV in November and I was fairly certain the problem was the electronic controller that controls the motors, not the motors or the wiring. Lo and behold... yesterday I finally replaced the controller, and that fixed it.

Systems-oriented brain ftw 😃

JeremyMallin, to random
@JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar


You know how sometimes people say "Me three." after someone has already said "Me too."?

I think I'm going to start using "Me three.", "Me four.", "Me five.", and so on as an indication of the degree to which I agree. 😉

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@JeremyMallin Me ten!

ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs, to random
@ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs@kolektiva.social avatar

deleted_by_author

    •
    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs It's an interesting thought experiment. I wonder if you took it a step further to say: it's an imagined utopia where there's no neurodiversity and everybody's Autistic.

    What do you think that would look like?

    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs I mean, I don't either.

    I was just curious if you thought a society of only Autistic people would be any different.

    dave, to actuallyautistic
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @actuallyautistic

    The burnout experience, before I knew I was Autistic and expected myself to be able to function like a neurotypical:

    Why the hell am I so tired all the time?!
    I get 8 solid hours of sleep!
    Maybe I'm eating too much sugar.
    Maybe I'm not eating enough.
    Maybe I'm eating too many processed foods.
    Maybe I'm not eating enough protein.
    Maybe I'm not drinking enough water.
    Maybe I'm not getting enough physical activity.
    Maybe I'm drinking too much caffeine.
    Maybe I've got mono.
    Maybe my body is fighting off a mild infection.

    Thoughts that literally never crossed my mind:

    Maybe I've had too many demands on my time and energy.
    Maybe my senses have been overloaded.
    Maybe I'm not giving my brain enough rest (which is different than sleep)
    Maybe I need to do LESS.
    Maybe I need a lot more alone time.

    It's so hard to understand why we feel a certain way when we're trying to understand ourselves as a "normal" person.

    dave, to actuallyautistic
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @actuallyautistic

    Got another chore completed that I had been putting off for months.

    These chores weren't particularly complicated. In fact they're kinda "easy" - the trouble was that they required multiple easy steps, and some level of executive function to think ahead about where to start and in what order to complete things.

    This chore was "simply" gluing the molding on some of the doors in the RV, because they had come loose.

    But that involved setting up a workbench, getting my tools out, finding the glue, removing the doors, taking them outside to a work area, gluing them, clamping them and/or putting weights on top of them, etc

    Burnout is not laziness. It's not even really a lack of motivation, though that's the word I've been erroneously using to describe it.

    It's a disability. It's the complete lack of ability, in my brain, not just to plan and consider all of these steps, but even to make the decision to get started.

    "Just do it" my ass. I CAN just do it - when I'm not in burnout and taking care of myself.

    dave, to actuallyautistic
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @actuallyautistic

    Finally checked off a maintenance chore I've been putting off for months because I didn't have the spoons.

    I feel really good lately. Motivated. Enjoying things. I'm also trying to be very mindful of how I'm feeling, so I don't wind up burning myself out again. I'm trying to find a sustainable balance.

    Part of me is hopeful and even confident that this is my new baseline, and a sustainable balance is possible.

    Part of me is absolutely terrified this is just the same cycle and in a month or two, I'm going to be completely exhausted and have zero energy to do anything.

    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @arisummerland

    😂 Right?! It's like this feeling is some uncontrollable magic and I'm just waiting for the magic to stop working without warning.

    Enjoy the good feelings, but give yourself time to rest too. Don't overdo it as we tend to do 😀

    @actuallyautistic

    dave, to actuallyautistic
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @actuallyautistic

    An interesting observation of myself: when I'm deep in burnout, I have very little interest in new and unfamiliar things. In fact, I feel strong resistance to it.

    New kinds of music, new movies, new TV shows, going to new places, etc.

    I've learned that in burnout, I crave the familiar and comfortable, and I need to follow those cravings to help me recover. Familiar foods, routines, TV shows, movies, music.

    But as I recover, as I start feeling better, as my HRV rises... not only do I become more willing and interested about new experiences, but I feel less interested in the familiar.

    This has manifested specifically this morning by me exploring new music and artists. Something I rarely do, because I so deeply crave and need my familiar, comfortable music.

    dave, to random
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    I've been playing around with producing music on and off over the last couple of weeks...

    It's a hobby of mine that has been coming and going in phases for years, since I was a teenager. Like most of my hobbies.

    This time feels different, though. I feel better equipped to be more consistent with it.

    On top of that, I've spent a lot of time reflecting on how I think and learn, and what kinds of things I find really appealing.

    I seem to do really well in a thing when I can get immediate feedback. It's a very kinetic way of doing and learning, which I guess is why programming has kept my interest for more than half my life.

    So, I've been playing around with a DAW (digital audio workstation, basically music production software) and I've finally found a way in which I can tinker and explore in ways that make sense and appeals to me. And it's exciting.

    dave, to actuallyautistic
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @actuallyautistic Yay I wrote a blog post 😀

    I'm feeling fairly confident that I can actually be consistent with it this time around. Time will tell 🤞

    https://autisticnomad.blog/2023-in-review

    dave, to actuallyautistic
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @actuallyautistic My annual review took a lot longer than I thought it would... literally the whole day.

    But, holy shit. I am astonished at how much I have learned about myself and changed in the last two months, compared to the previous 10.

    I discovered I'm Autistic in July or August, but it really wasn't until we got to Vegas in November that I had the space to really think about what that means, and start working on identifying my needs and making sure they're met.

    Again, learning I'm Autistic was a total life changer for me. I'm just... blown away by how much.

    I don't love being Autistic, but I absolutely love knowing that I'm Autistic. It helps me understand myself in ways I have been struggling for over a decade to find.

    Not only that, but it helps me feel connected to a community - a family that I never knew I had.

    One of my objectives for 2023 was to "build my tribe" - to make connections with people and find people who understand me.

    I never would've guessed I'd find that in the community.

    dave, to actuallyautistic
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @actuallyautistic It's annual review and planning day for me. I'll be going through my journal, reviewing my notes from throughout the year, and reflecting on how I feel about the year as a whole.

    Off the top of my head, I feel like 2023 was powerfully transformative. I've had a couple of transformative years in the past - starting therapy and first learning about boundaries and self-care, moving into the RV - but in 2023, I discovered that I am Autistic, and that was a groundbreaking shift in how I view and understand myself and my needs.

    dave, to actuallyautistic
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @actuallyautistic Let's talk emotional dysregulation.

    What does it mean for you? How does it manifest in your life?

    I've been searching for relatable content around this subject, and I've had a hard time finding anything. Most articles - including ones from neurodivergent and neuroaffirming sources that I could find - talk about what it is and what it means, but not how it feels or what it looks like in reality.

    What are some examples of it in your life?

    If you have any resources on the subject you're able to share, that would be appreciated too!

    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @Tom 😂 I am shocked! @actuallyautistic

    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @actuallyautistic What got me thinking about this was watching a show where a married couple were in a heated argument, then all of a sudden one cracked a joke and relieved the tension and all was fine.

    You see that a lot in movies and TV shows. The most obvious trope being when a heated argument turns into passionate intimacy.

    Is that fiction? Can people (Allistics, NTs, anyone) really turn their emotions on a dime like that? 🤔

    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @GreenRoc

    You make a good point - it's less about how quickly the emotions change, and more about how in control a person is.

    My mood can quickly swing to negative as well, given a trigger or stressor. But it's out of my control, and I can't just swing it back to positive because I want to.

    So.. is that what dysregulation means? That sounds like an inability to regulate emotions.
    @actuallyautistic

    dave, to sourdough
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    Did some reading up on this morning, and I suspect my starter isn't active enough.

    There's lots of tiny bubbles on the surface, but the texture of the starter as a whole isn't fluffy, airy, or frothy.

    This morning, I put some of the starter in a new bowl and mixed it with equal parts flour and water. We'll see if that has any effect. If not, I'll try increasing feedings, or adding two parts flour and water.

    We'll see how this goes 🤞

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