@dave@autisticnomad.social
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

dave

@dave@autisticnomad.social

Autistic digital nomad, ADHDer, optimist, lover of learning, tinkerer, CTO of a startup.

I live in an RV and travel around North America

Header: Large bus-sized RV with a small blue car parked in front. Palm trees in the background stand tall against the early glow of a sunset.

Profile: Man with glasses and reddish beard standing on a suspension bridge over a gorge

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

dave, to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic I've heard "if you've met one Autistic person, you've met one Autistic person" and I understand that people's experiences vary so wildly.

But there are still times when I read about someone's experiences being Autistic that I think, wow, okay, maybe I'm actually not Autistic. 🤔

But then I set a date with my best friend to play a TTRPG, and I've never played one before, and I feel anxious and stressed about going into this having literally zero idea of how a TTRPG works, so I have to watch YT videos and read the rulebook ahead of time to calm myself down.

Or I post here about how I suppressed my most visible stim (hand flapping) as a teenager, and now as a replacement I hold my hands tightly while holding my breath and exhaling rhythmically through my nose.

Then I find it much harder to doubt my identity as an Autistic person 😃

dave, to random
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

I've seen a lot of conversations on here about people's experiences with sensory overwhelm and how they deal with it - bright lights, loud sounds, painful fabrics and textures, etc.

What I haven't seen talked about very much is smells.

Last night while I was watching TV, a strong, overwhelming burning smell came in from outside. It felt like the whole RV was infested with this smell, and I actually found it really stressful and dysregulating.

I tried lighting a sweet-smelling candle, which I usually find calming, but the smell of the burning wick just amplified the stress.

Have any of my fellow humans experienced sensory overwhelm with scents? What do you do to cope if you can't get away from it?

dave, to random
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

Ergh, I always find posts difficult, because I don't know what to say about myself. I guess I'll start with the basics:

I'm a 38 year old Autistic digital nomad, originally from Toronto, Canada.

Two years ago, my wife and I bought a motorhome and moved in full-time with our German Shepherd, Beau. We picked up Zoe, our Husky, while in Las Vegas in the winter of 2022.

I post a lot about my experience being Autistic, as well as off-grid solar power and RVing. I also post a bit about tech and software development, since that's what I do for a living.

When I'm not in burnout, I love to tinker and dabble in a wide variety of interests, such as writing, drawing, playing guitar and making music, renovating and upgrading my RV, photography, game dev, 3D rendering and animation, ... did I miss any? Probably.

Some things I'm proud of:

  • I completely rewired my RV to run off-grid from solar and battery power myself.
  • I'm a certified scuba diver.
  • I've lived in 8 different countries.
  • I love learning and I've taught myself almost everything I know

Fairness is one of my most fundamental core values. I believe that all humans are equal and that everyone deserves joy and to live the life they want.

While I generally find being social exhausting, I love meeting new people. I express myself much more easily and comfortably over text than face-to-face or over the phone, even with the people closest to me.

On one hand, I don't know what else to say. On the other hand, I feel like I could probably ramble on forever with no focus at all.

Got any questions? Feel free to ask. 💚

dave, to random
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

When you suspect you've been in some form of Autistic burnout for as long as you can remember, and you're working on recovering, how do you know when you've recovered if you have no baseline for comparison? 🤔

dave, to random
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

During my burnout recovery, I've been closely monitoring my resting heart rate, my heart rate variability, and the "stress management" score on my

I'm really starting to see and understand that there's a clear correlation between those metrics and how I feel.

My RHR has been trending downwards over the last week (87 last Monday, to 77 today), my HRV (an indicator of stress on the body) has been trending upward (27ms last Monday, 38ms yesterday, 29 today)

Stress management has also been on the rise. Today it's 77, which is the highest it has been since Dec 1.

Fascinating. Maybe stress management isn't as useless and inaccurate as I thought it was.

dave, to random
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

How do you tell someone you think they might be Autistic?

It's someone in my family, who acknowledges they likely have ADHD, and accepts my self-id.

But the more I learn and think about their behaviour, the more I'm convinced that they're Autistic too.

I suspect knowing would greatly help them, but I don't know how they would react to the suggestion.

dave, to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Once in a while, I wonder what it might've been like to talk to my parents about being Autistic. I doubt it would've been a useful conversation... but I suspect I would've tried to make it more useful by talking about traits and behaviours first, before calling it autism. It would've been interesting to see how much of it they could relate to.

I'm not entirely sure how my dad would've reacted... the few conversations we had as adults felt strained and awkward.

My mom probably would've been confused about why I would think I'm Autistic (just like she was confused about why I thought I needed therapy) but I doubt she would've rejected or doubted the idea. I don't think she'd really accept or acknowledge it either. For her, it'd be more like "Oh, okay, neat... so when can you go to the store for me? I'm out of Tylenol and Diet Coke"

I can see hints of neurodivergence in my memories of both of them. Alas, they both passed long before I discovered I'm Autistic.

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@punishmenthurts

I'm sorry you have to deal with being made out to be a villain. Ugh, families suck.

I'm estranged from my family, for the most part. I recently reconnected with my brother, and his story seems to be that I'm the genius that nobody knew how to talk to. He also has a very different impression and recollection of my parents... for some reason, he thinks very highly of them.

@actuallyautistic

dave, to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Can't help but feel like this song is about Autistic camouflaging.

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=7CuOnz0nDVE&si=LprsazEknhGI7xzb

Also yes, I'm still fixating on Blue Man Group.

dave, to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic What are your thoughts on physical activity?

More specifically, do you find that it drains your energy more than most people? That you can't push yourself as hard as others? Or, put another way, that you need more rest and recovery time than most people?

Almost two years ago, I tried Couch to 5K. I made it to week five, then burned out and stopped because it so thoroughly drained every bit of energy I had.

I remember being so puzzled and confused about it. I remember thinking, what's wrong with me? I'm eating well. I'm eating enough. I'm getting enough sleep. I'm resting on my off days. I'm not extraordinarily out of shape and I was keeping up with the program well enough until the fifth week.

In retrospect, I'm wondering if it was an Autistic energy management problem, and I'm curious about others' experiences with C25K and other physical activity programs.

dave, to random
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs Does it mean I'm doing it right when, instead of having to say "sit! sit! no, sit!" I can just stand there and look at my dog and do nothing and they sit?

Going out the door? Stand there and look at them. Door doesn't open until they sit.

Time for dinner? Dinner isn't served until they sit.

etc. etc.

ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs, to random
@ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs@kolektiva.social avatar

deleted_by_author

    •
    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs I like to think of it (from the dog's perspective) as "good things happen" vs "bad things happen"

    Bad things happen when I go near the baby.

    Maybe if good things happened, the dog would be less nervous.

    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs I can't remember if I heard it somewhere or came up with it myself... but when I was going deep into dog training, it mapped really well with learning to have empathy for my dogs.

    If they're not doing what I want or need them to do, it's because not enough good things are happening to incentivize them.

    ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs, to random
    @ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs@kolektiva.social avatar

    deleted_by_author

    •
    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs Actually the complete opposite for me - I hate to admit it but I'm terrified to stand up to injustice in public or, really, to draw attention to myself in any way. I expect I would be on the brink of a meltdown if I tried.

    I don't think it's related to caring what people think of me, though. I generally don't care what individual people think. Maybe it's being othered by a group... I'm not really sure.

    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs I feel like I need to elaborate on that a bit.

    Re-reading what I said, I feel frustrated. Fairness, social justice, and equity are so fundamentally important to me, that it pains me to admit my complete inability to stand up for those things in a public group setting.

    At the same time, I'm also finding the mere thought of doing it to be troubling :(

    dave, to random
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    Ever since I realized I was , and read about how familiar movies and TV shows can have a calming effect, I've worked on unmasking and being mindful of the little sparks of desire and craving for these sorts of things.

    I noticed it especially last night, browsing through streaming services, looking for something to watch. Out of habit, I ignored the craving. But today, being more mindful about it, I followed it and watched a movie that I watched a lot as a teenager.

    It's still shocking to me the emotional effect a familiar and comforting movie has on me. It's so powerfully calming and soothing.

    Part of unmasking, for me, is learning what my comfort movies are, and using them when I need them.

    ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs, (edited ) to random
    @ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs@kolektiva.social avatar

    deleted_by_author

    •
    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs The most challenging thing I've found is proofing behaviour, eg. not relying solely on treats to get the desired behaviour.

    I also haven't spent a ton of time on it because I'm okay with just always carrying around treats, but it makes it difficult for the times when I don't have treats on me.

    alexstandiford, to random
    @alexstandiford@fosstodon.org avatar

    If you’re full timing in a camper, or boat, or whatever, drop what you’re doing and review your insurance policy. Learn about options related to a loss of use rider - because if your camper is out of commission for several weeks, you’re gonna be paying extra to live in a cabin or something in the meantime.

    Learn from my mistake!

    https://www.alexstandiford.com/micro/2648

    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @alexstandiford Uh oh. Does that mean you're not covered for loss of use?

    Thanks for the reminder. I'm pretty sure I have that - I vaguely recall talking about it with the broker - but I will definitely check.

    alexstandiford, to random
    @alexstandiford@fosstodon.org avatar

    So…I think this might be how we exit out of full-timing. We were already poising ourselves to move into a house this Summer, but I think with my primary home, at best, being in a repair shop for several months, that we’re probably going to consider this a forced opportunity to exit. I really didn’t think we would be leaving like this, eesh.

    https://www.alexstandiford.com/micro/2646

    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @alexstandiford 😭

    That hit me in feels. I'm so sorry for you guys 😢

    dave, to random
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    Apparently therapists in Ontario can't practice virtually with clients that are physically outside of Ontario, despite the clients being residents of Ontario?

    Sounds like outdated regulations to me. Which I guess shouldn't be surprising.

    Totally makes sense that a therapist needs to be registered in the jurisdiction where they practice, but it seems silly to me that that's dependent on the physical location of the client.

    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @alexstandiford Ergh, that's so frustrating. And you can't talk to someone in TX?

    I suppose I could find a therapist in Vegas, but I have no interest in having multiple therapists depending on where I am and no continuity.

    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @alexstandiford Yeah definitely... there are much higher priority things you're dealing with.

    Really glad you guys were able to secure a place for a couple of months.

    I wonder if you couldn't seek legal action against the logistics company if they or the driver are refusing your calls? It sucks to go down that route but it seems like it might be an option as a last resort.

    ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs, to random
    @ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs@kolektiva.social avatar

    deleted_by_author

    •
    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs As a Canadian driving through the US I can't help but laugh at Republican billboards refering to the "radical Democrats"

    Radical! 😂

    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs Historically even the Conservative party in Canada - the furthest to the right of the biggest 3 parties - is further left than the Democrats. That's unfortunately changing as they become more fringe, but generally the entire political landscape in Canada is left of the US. It's laughable to hear Democrats referred to as radical and socialists.

    alexstandiford, (edited ) to Travel
    @alexstandiford@fosstodon.org avatar

    Our winter home has been damaged, and it's unclear if we're ever going to live in it again. As a result, we find ourselves making due, but we're asking for help.

    https://www.casualweirdness.life/articles/personal-updates/our-camper-has-been-severely-damaged/

    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @alexstandiford Like you weren't going to find out anyway? That's nuts. I hope all the pre-flight photos you took help make things go a bit more smoothly. It's awful to lose a home you invested so much time into, but I also hope you're not stuck in temporary arrangements for too long and can get it repaired or replaced.

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • JUstTest
  • everett
  • InstantRegret
  • thenastyranch
  • magazineikmin
  • khanakhh
  • rosin
  • Youngstown
  • slotface
  • mdbf
  • cisconetworking
  • kavyap
  • cubers
  • DreamBathrooms
  • megavids
  • ngwrru68w68
  • Durango
  • osvaldo12
  • tacticalgear
  • modclub
  • normalnudes
  • Leos
  • ethstaker
  • GTA5RPClips
  • tester
  • anitta
  • provamag3
  • lostlight
  • All magazines
    •