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jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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time to celebrate memorial day the old fashioned way... watching Madame Web.

jackdaw_ruiz,
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god damn two seconds into this movie there is a spider web, we are not fucking around

jackdaw_ruiz,
@jackdaw_ruiz@normal.style avatar

I dunno where to start. like five different baffling things have happened so far. each time I start typing a riff on one a weirder thing has happened.

jackdaw_ruiz,
@jackdaw_ruiz@normal.style avatar

fuck yeah. New York in 2003. Yeah Yeah Yeahs music. Blockbuster Video in the background. the residual psychic toll of 9/11 (not filmed but probably implied in the tension).

jackdaw_ruiz,
@jackdaw_ruiz@normal.style avatar

there is a particular way that people banter over eating cartons of Chinese food that only occurs in movies. you know exactly what I mean, right? the gesticulating at each other with chopsticks? it may as well be stock photos of women laughing with salad.

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
@jackdaw_ruiz@normal.style avatar

i might get a new cell phone soon and the options are just so dismal.

jackdaw_ruiz,
@jackdaw_ruiz@normal.style avatar

what if i get a pixel 8 and install graphene os?

[puts fingers to my head and tries to recall which open source and security-minded tech platforms are run by weirdo nazis, and which ones are just weirdos.]

jackdaw_ruiz,
@jackdaw_ruiz@normal.style avatar

okay graphene os appears to be the mobile operating system for criminals that need digital assistance. that might be overkill for me because i can just talk my way out of crimes.

as a reminder you should never talk to law enforcement. but it's okay if i do because i can talk my way out of crimes.

ray, to random

the spice girls Wannabe music video opens with them harrassing homeless people wtf

jackdaw_ruiz,
@jackdaw_ruiz@normal.style avatar

@ray

to think we were surprised when they were like "you know who had girl power? Margaret Thatcher!"

ray, to random

leaving Two Spoons of matcha ice cream left in this carton because i just cant do it

jackdaw_ruiz,
@jackdaw_ruiz@normal.style avatar

@ray

the reality of this situation is that the feeling of being ice cream bloated tonight like "uhhh why did I do that" is less of a detriment than wanting that ice cream on another night and only having two spoons worth taunting you.

and when I say the reality I mean my subjective experience but like, tomato tomato.

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
@jackdaw_ruiz@normal.style avatar

it's so goofy how over on Twitter or other large social media there can be a bad post, and it is totally random if the hooting mob commenting below is a all going "this shit is regressive and wrong and shouldn't happen" or if they're all posting stuff like "it's her fault for going outside while being a woman -- play stupid games and find out!"

jackdaw_ruiz,
@jackdaw_ruiz@normal.style avatar

you can post the same video of a random person being slapped, devoid of any other context, and it's an absolute pachinko ball drop whether the crowd that assembles will decry the crass and senseless violence that fills all the cracks and gaps of modern society, or if they will convene like a panel of jurors and conclude "the vibe from that slap indicates the person deserved it... probably needs to be hit harder, if anything."

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
@jackdaw_ruiz@normal.style avatar

my work productivity has been decimated by this facebook group with photos of incredibly fucked stairs.

jackdaw_ruiz,
@jackdaw_ruiz@normal.style avatar

there are groverhauses everywhere, for those with eyes to see them. 😌

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
@jackdaw_ruiz@normal.style avatar

mmhmm yes, that's interesting. full-disclosure: I was not paying attention. instead, I was imagining an A24 distributed biopic of Smash Mouth titled Walking on the Sun.

jackdaw_ruiz,
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you KNOW the trailer opens with a reverby "somebody once told me..." and a single melancholy key struck on the piano.

jackdaw_ruiz, to random
@jackdaw_ruiz@normal.style avatar

concerning last boost, he said to please share and look you are enjoying the whole combination here. german. kinky. looks like that. it's like a line across and a line vertically on a fediverse bingo card.

jackdaw_ruiz,
@jackdaw_ruiz@normal.style avatar

if you can't find an erotic cellist in the Berlin area on this website what the fuck was the point of it all?

18+ jackdaw_ruiz, to random
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David Letterman: So, this is interesting. I read today that they might give Flowless a gun. Have you heard about this, Paul?

Paul Shaffer: presses several keys on the keyboard, making gunshot noises in different pitches

18+ jackdaw_ruiz,
@jackdaw_ruiz@normal.style avatar

shoutout to the bear from Altered Beast, who looks less like he's gonna maul enemies with teeth and claws so much as do some kind of awesome hapkido joint-lock throw with fluidity and grace.

sprite of the bear from Altered Beast standing upright in some kinda martial arts pose.

18+ jackdaw_ruiz,
@jackdaw_ruiz@normal.style avatar

cocking a gun and pointing it at a COEXIST bumper sticker like "you had two decades to fix everything and it's only gotten worse!"


I used to be nice before this website. Now I make horrible faces at babies in public when nobody is watching to see if they cry. Thanks, Mastodon!

18+ jackdaw_ruiz,
@jackdaw_ruiz@normal.style avatar

walking into court and seeing the judge's big black robe like "oh, OH, do you even listen to The Cure? or Siouxsie? or am I gonna be ordered to pay child support by a damn fake goth!?"

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