@madam__mayhem@mastodon.social
@madam__mayhem@mastodon.social avatar

madam__mayhem

@madam__mayhem@mastodon.social

She/her • 42 • Pro Domme
Welcome to the Mayhem… Send coffee, cuddles and cunnilingus https://linktr.ee/Madam__Mayhem

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madam__mayhem, to random
@madam__mayhem@mastodon.social avatar

Sure, sex is great…but have you ever done your first pull-up at the age of 42?

madam__mayhem, to random
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I’m not sure what’s worse:
a) The sound of foxes mating
b) The smell of the jizz trees in bloom
c) Both these things reminding me just how little sex I have these days

madam__mayhem, to random
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Humiliation isn’t my kink but some men are such low hanging fruit I can’t resist.

madam__mayhem, to random
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Watched Challengers. Now want to be Zendaya’s bitch. I will not be taking questions at this time.

madam__mayhem, to random
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Some people really don’t understand the difference between a Mummy Domme and a mother and it shows.

madam__mayhem, to random
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I’m in the naughty corner on Instagram again so let’s do a Q&A here to keep me sane while I recover from Covid and can’t go to the gym… https://ngl.link/_madam_mayhem_1

madam__mayhem,
@madam__mayhem@mastodon.social avatar

‪Swallow. Every single time. ‬

madam__mayhem,
@madam__mayhem@mastodon.social avatar

I actually detest this question. There’s so much more to sex than a position. Or penetration. The joy of kink is that this is literally the least interesting part of sex for me…

madam__mayhem,
@madam__mayhem@mastodon.social avatar

Firstly, I never assume or have expectations. When you have a new partner, you are both inexperienced with each other. The joy is in exploration and finding out how the dynamic unfolds together…

madam__mayhem,
@madam__mayhem@mastodon.social avatar

Nope…it’s never interested me in the slightest. I had a sub who enjoyed me writing on him…I did it for his pleasure but it wasn’t my thing.

madam__mayhem,
@madam__mayhem@mastodon.social avatar

Precisely 0% of chat up lines work on me…authenticity always. Given my disastrous track record trying to date women, I feel like I can’t be giving advice on that topic. Though I know I don’t apply the same rules to women as I do to men…because, well…men.

madam__mayhem,
@madam__mayhem@mastodon.social avatar

The orgasm gaps studies show women are far more likely to orgasm solo or with another woman. I don’t think it’s about bodies though, men are socialised to be selfish lovers, women the opposite. For too long the script has focused on penetration and sex ending when he cums.

madam__mayhem,
@madam__mayhem@mastodon.social avatar

Because I’m pansexual and greedy you get three…Dave Grohl (now and forever), Gillian Anderson and Mae Martin.

madam__mayhem,
@madam__mayhem@mastodon.social avatar

Never…thanks for the cruel reminder.

madam__mayhem,
@madam__mayhem@mastodon.social avatar

Haha, you have no idea. My super power is helping subs uncover kinks they never knew they had. So yes…many, many times…and I love it. It feeds my corruption kink nicely.

girlonthenet, to random
@girlonthenet@mastodon.social avatar

Once again I am here to improve your lives with wisdom: if you have a jar you’re struggling to open, or something like this ancient bottle of nail varnish, try scrim tape (also known as plasterboard/dry wall tape). You’re right, I AM a genius.

Roll of scrim tape - white tape made up of thin strings arranged in a grid pattern

madam__mayhem,
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@girlonthenet And here I was using my rubber Pilates stretch bands…

madam__mayhem, to random
@madam__mayhem@mastodon.social avatar

Having an ‘everything’ shower is like doing the big shop. You have to psych yourself up for it, try to get through it as fast as possible and when it’s over you’re too exhausted to cook anyway.

madam__mayhem, to random
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A vibrator works wonders on blocked sinuses.

And no, that’s not a euphemism.

madam__mayhem, to random
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It’s always ‘I want you’, never ‘I want to get to know your soul’.

madam__mayhem, to random
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For my debaucherous sins yesterday I am paying the price today with a hellish cold.

This is when I need a house servant to make me tea and do my chores…

madam__mayhem, to random
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Coffee, Madmin, gym, wank, The Walking Dead, sleep.

Repeat.

madam__mayhem, to random
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If you insist on using group shots on your dating profile, you better be damn sure you’re hotter than all your mates.

madam__mayhem,
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@interpipes nope 😭😂

madam__mayhem, to random
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It’s just about the time of year where the weather is good enough to fuck on my balcony.*

*I’m sure it will remain unchristened for the fifth year running.

madam__mayhem, to random
@madam__mayhem@mastodon.social avatar

Have a great weekend filthy fuckers…I’m off to my happy place…

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