neuralex

@neuralex@neurodifferent.me

Late-diagnosed autistic adult. Using this account more for mental/emotional/neural rumination and https://ruby.social/@alexch as my main (coding/news/politics / dog pix).

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

jentrification, to Astronomy
@jentrification@mastodon.social avatar

A simple streetlight hack could protect from urban

https://www.space.com/astronomy-light-pollution-streetlight-hack

neuralex,

@jentrification @aprilfollies

an even simpler hack is putting shades on streetlights — which actually makes them less light-leaky and more effective illuminators since their light is bouncing off the ground and not glaring into a viewer’s eyes — or simple motion sensors

and we’ve known about these easy fixes for decades, with very little adoption traction from governments or citizens

people still want their yards and streets and parking lots lit up like stadiums all night long and nobody’s making them stop

it’s not a technical problem, so there’s no technical solution, sorry

https://darksky.org/resources/guides-and-how-tos/values-centered-outdoor-lighting/

neuralex,

@jentrification

TLDR: if one wants to learn about the problem, https://darksky.org is a better resource than space dot com

Private
neuralex,

@PossiblyAutistic @anantagd @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic by "hypersensitivity" they might mean "highly sensitive person" (HSP/VSP) which is an informal (?) research category that might turn out to overlap 99% with "highly masking autistic person" -- check out pop psych descriptions like this one and tell me if they sound like "are you autistic?" checklists to you:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/trust-yourself/202106/14-traits-of-highly-sensitive-people

Cassandra, to random
@Cassandra@autistics.life avatar

Does anyone else have trouble physically relaxing into bed? Like, your head's on the pillow but then you notice your neck muscles are activated to hold your head up a bit. Or, if you make efforts to relax your neck then you notice you're stretching your jaw out. That kind of thing.

neuralex,

@Cassandra yup -- my solution is to sleep alone, use a crescent-shaped memory foam pillow that I pull snug into my neck arch, two pillows (one per side) to keep my arms and shoulders supported, then finally lay a less-fluffy pillow on top of my face so I feel comfortable enough to drift off while lying on my back. Otherwise I tend to thrash and roll and reach other neck-unfriendly positions, but while pillow-swaddled I tend to drift off then sleep through the night on my back.

Private
neuralex,

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

Masking to me is like speaking a foreign language that you are only partially fluent in — it works okay until suddenly it doesn’t

imagine: you’re vibing, you’re nailing the accent, verbs are almost conjugating themselves, you’re dropping some idioms, you’re even catching some of what the native speakers are rapidly saying, and they seem to be following you too — and then suddenly your brain locks and you have no words to even explain or apologize or clarify so you either smile dumbly (in both the sonic and mental senses), or dig yourself deeper by reusing the same wrong words as before, or try to exit gracefully, but it’s too late, and they won’t even explain if they’re upset or what rule you broke cause they don’t even know either, it’s all subconscious and intuitive to them, so they either get mad or (worse) sigh and look away from you and talk amongst themselves

neuralex, to actuallyautistic

Do people think you’re mad [at them] when you’re just elaborating?

https://reddit.com/r/AutismTranslated/s/QcSjYltO02

@actuallyautistic

neuralex,

@joshsusser @actuallyautistic

i know you’re 90% joking but ftr the context is clear in the reddit post … which btw i’m not the author of

“think” = clearly say and react and accuse as if they think

Private
neuralex,

@Uniflame @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

As an answer to a ritual “How are you?”…

“Not bad.” is honest.

A detailed infodump is selfish.

Yes, the infodump is what comes to your mind first. But my advice is to learn to resist the impulse to overshare. At least check in first: “Do you really want to know the answer to that?” or “Oh man, it’s been rough (or awesome or whatever)” and wait for an explicit signal like “Do tell!” before going on.

neuralex,

@SimonFabianMueller @Uniflame @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

“Not bad” is almost always an honest answer. Things can always get worse!

But the cool thing about rituals is that terms mean specific things by definition in that context. “Fine thanks” or “Not bad” or “Can’t complain” are explicitly honest and true answers to a greeting question even if they are technically false or imprecise.

Or at least that’s how I try to convince my literal truth-telling impulse that they are appropriate and acceptable responses, and suppress the urge to overshare. Which works about half the time. 😂

neuralex,

@ScottSoCal @Uniflame @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

I’m specifically talking about going from zero to infodump in response to a casual “How’s it going?”. Infodumping is awesome, but only when it’s consensual.

ND people can be selfish just like NTs can. Using words with clear meanings is good, and discomfort is not harm, and the fact that the way A describes B’s behavior makes B uncomfortable doesn’t mean A is wrong. Eschew euphemisms.

But please, if you have a better descriptor than “selfish” to describe “suddenly talking past and over someone to satisfy your own internal urge to be fully understood without first confirming that your audience actually wants to spend their own precious time and attention and effort on understanding you”, I’m all ears. “I didn’t mean to be selfish” or “I was just giving an honest answer” are both explanations but not excuses for being selfish.

To be clear: I have been on both sides of awkward greetings, with all types of people. This is not an NT-vs-ND issue — NDs can be quite annoying to other NDs when their infodump interests collide, and NTs can be annoying in the same and different ways. “How to perform the greeting ritual protocol fluidly” advice is universal.

neuralex,

@Claire @Uniflame @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

That sounds like great advice, Claire, and probably a lot more actionable than mine (which as I said, only works about half the time for me anyway).

Private
neuralex,

@guppegroups Aha, I answered my own (second) question and found https://github.com/immers-space/guppe/wiki/Guppe-Groups-FAQ

and this seems relevant to the first question but doesn't really answer it:
https://github.com/immers-space/guppe/issues/67

Private
neuralex, (edited )

@dukeoffail @actuallyautistic

Been there! If I may suggest a reframe:

whatever labels and categories are in vogue will always shift over time, and nobody will ever tick all the boxes for any given diagnosis…

but you will still and always be you

so the most important thing is to learn about your own symptoms / feelings / patterns / experiences / triggers and treat all of these medicalized lists as menus you can choose from, try out, and discard at will, like a tasting menu, or maybe one of those sushi conveyor belts

Private
neuralex,

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

or, a bit more darkly:

neuralex,

@hlangeveld @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic "I've got a vocabulary, and I'm not afraid to use it."

^^ is what younger me eventually trained myself to say every time someone tried to casually shame me for their own ignorance or discomfort at me using words to communicate

the humor worked to heal the social injury, at least in my own mind

theautisticcoach, to actuallyautistic

Do my comrades have issues with going to the bathroom? Forget to go in the morning or in general?

You have nothing to be ashamed of. You’re not broken.

Many autistic peoples deal with interoception issues.

You’re not alone.

@actuallyautistic @actuallyautistics

neuralex,

@dpnash @EverBeyondReach @gri @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic @actuallyautistics

fwiw “toilet” is also a euphemism — a “toilette” was a cloth wrapper for storing clothes, and a “toilet” was originally a dressing room, not a pooping room

even “lavatory” means washing / bathing room

“restroom” is just silly prudishness tho

Private
neuralex,

@Sci_Fi_FanGirl @actuallyautistic

Sometimes exhausted and overwhelmed and happy and energized all at once, not to mention content and nervous, confident and insecure, inspired and unmotivated, supported and alienated — and if you couldn’t already guess, yes, I’m autistic 😂

Private
neuralex,

@RenoirDana @bangskij @dipolecat @I_Like_Books @actuallyautistic

and contrariwise, they have outsized (to us) negative reactions to experiences that we consider trivial or even positive, like perceived affronts to social status or manners, or to being corrected on matters of fact ¯_(ツ)_/¯

double empathy works (or more often fails) both ways

neuralex,

@dweebish @dipolecat @actuallyautistic

omg, exaggeration is literally the absolute worst!

;-)

but seriously: i recently had to explain to a friend that when she uses emotional exaggerations like “very”, her intent is to make me take her claims and experiences more seriously, but it actually makes me less likely to believe her since my whole life I have noticed people busting those words out only when they think their factual case is weak

exaggeration is a way to emotionally manipulate others, possibly with good intent, possibly as a form of poetry or idiom or metaphor, but also in a way that obscures and blurs and ameliorates, and that doesn’t mesh with my literal factual logical approach to understanding the world (including the world of emotions)

cvwillegen, to actuallyautistic Dutch
@cvwillegen@mastodon.nl avatar

Sometimes, NT behavior can be really dangerous for ND people! I was told to use an inhaler for my lungs. "Exhale, inhale deeply, hold your breath for 10 seconds, exhale, and rinse your throat." After falling to the floor twice from losing consciousness, I contacted my doctor. He told me that "we say 10s, because then people hold their breath for 7, which is enough. But, knowing you, you hold it for 10, which may lead to fainting. So, hold your breath for 7 s". Great... @actuallyautistic

neuralex,

@cvwillegen @actuallyautistic Another medical scenario where NT culture collapses under the weight of its recursive nest of expected deceptions is those ubiquitous 1-to-10 smiley-face pain scales. Most NTs will start frowning at “discomfort (2)” (not "intense (6)") and many autistics will smile and mask until “intense” (and then go flat-faced again at "excruciating (9)"), so the smiles don't match the numbers or the experiences. I guess we’re all supposed to realize it’s just a metaphor and everyone's just meant to guess the correct level... except in that case, what’s the point of the pictures at all? 😠

theautisticcoach, to actuallyautistics

I need your opinion on something comrades. I hold weekly free discussion circles about a number of topics. A NT professional working with autistic people has asked me to join in order to "observe" how I work before they can refer those that they work with to my groups.

Is this a reasonable ask? Is this ableist? While I do appreciate that fact that people shouldn't recommend things that they haven't tried, I also find it problematic for someone who isn't autistic to question the style of how an autistic person works. But I'm not sure. What do you guys think?

@actuallyautistic @actuallyautistics

neuralex,

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic @actuallyautistics

I feel it’s a respectful and reasonable request and as long as each group member has a chance to veto in advance, or to bow out during the (limited) time they’re on the call, I’d be fine with it. I think it’s very professional for a therapist to see for themselves how the optimistic words and intentions you express in your marketing communications manifest in reality. Especially considering that there’s a non-zero chance your live techniques are harmful or misguided (maybe you’re using ABA or NLP or (God forbid) some manipulative manosphere or New Age quackery).

Private
neuralex,

@ledaj @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistics @autisticadvocacy

PDA stands for Pathological Demand Avoidance

“pathological” is not an insult; it means it is more extreme than normal demand avoidance or even Extreme Demand Avoidance; PDAers avoid even activities they enjoy and that they know are good for them if they feel like external demands— or even internal demands

see attached screenshots from
https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/what-is-pda-menu/about-autism-and-pda/

image/jpeg

neuralex,

@wakame @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistics @autisticadvocacy

here’s why i don’t like “deficit”:

my attention is not deficient; my executive control of where that attention goes and how it waxes and wanes is missing

so i’d prefer “Low Attentional Governance” or “Attention Control Disorder” or something like that to make that distinction clear — the apparent deficit only appears in boring or stressful situations; at other times there is no deficit or even an excess of attention

agreed that being an Avatar of Disorder in the world is rad 👍 😈

neuralex,

@wakame @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistics @autisticadvocacy

btw fwiw the term “autism” originally meant “pathologically self-absorbed” (aut = auto = self = in a world of their own = delusionally solitary and emotionally stunted with no theory of other minds and suffering from a variant of schizophrenia)

there’s no real reason to try to change it now since the term has taken on a semantic life of its own since its misguided origin

(but i do think that “Attention Deficit” is still misleading since its components are in English so people can’t help but parse it)

neuralex,

@devxvda @theautisticcoach

“gifted kids are special-needs kids”

https://youtu.be/QUjYy4Ksy1E

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