@shortridge@hachyderm.io
@shortridge@hachyderm.io avatar

shortridge

@shortridge@hachyderm.io

Senior Director @Fastly | author of Security Chaos Engineering: Sustaining Resilience in Software & Systems (O'Reilly)

resilience + complex systems | bringing software security out of the dark ages

&void; | daedric prince of chaos | previously @swagitda_

“In the information society, nobody thinks. We expected to banish paper, but we actually banished thought."

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shortridge, to random
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anyone know the best place around Moscone to get a chai latte?

shortridge, to security
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went down to the hotel lobby to retrieve my dinner delivery in a yoga outfit + snuggly cardigan + face mask.

some men with lanyards exited the elevator as I re-entered; they turned back to look at me and one said (very loudly, very pointedly staring at me) to the other, “I was like, did you hire me a hooker?”

if you are a man attending , please shut that kind of shit down when your peers do it. let’s not let insecurity rule our industry.

shortridge,
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@afterdark I definitely read that as a security conference dedicated to @bea’s glorious contributions, and I am here for it

shortridge, to Cybersecurity
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The 2024 Verizon Data Breach Investigations Report () is out this morning, and I make sense of it in my new post: https://kellyshortridge.com/blog/posts/shortridge-makes-sense-of-verizon-dbir-2024/

I focused on what felt like the most notable points, from to MOVEit to web app pwnage to and more.

I have insights, quibbles, and hot takes as always — but the fact remains it’s our best source of empirical data on cyberattack impacts. If you’re a vendor, please consider contributing data to it.

shortridge, to Bulgaria
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To my friends, followers, and future allies: I’m keynoting in exactly one month (May 30).

I will bring heresy — and custom stickers — with me to Budapest.

You still have spacetime to buy tickets and bask in software craftship: https://craft-conf.com/2024/talk/disputation-on-the-power-and-efficacy-of-cybersecurity

Let me know if you’ll be attending, speaking, or otherwise proximate xx

shortridge, to random
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Me: “I’m lowkey bullish on inexact supercomputing.”

Them: “Intel’s been doing that since the 90s!”

(historical context for the joke: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pentium_FDIV_bug)

shortridge, to random
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my Pilates instructor told me to “check on my gays,” so how are y’all today?

shortridge,
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@ljrk there is indeed much on the agenda

shortridge, to random
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Dan Brown is Perl.

no, I will not elaborate

shortridge, to random
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Byzantween Generals 💀

without context

shortridge, to random
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I’m watching the livestream and this is hilarious but also where has this been all my life: https://sendmixedsignals.vercel.app/

it’s a tool for weighting the variegated intentions you want to express to a counterparty and synthesizing them into one statement.

A+ for shitposting but also blending in with humans

shortridge, to random
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earthquake in nyc was not in my threat model… but I guess that’s the point of fault injection

(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

whereistanya, to random
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My new #1 requirement for devices and appliances and machines and robots of every kind is “does not beep at me.”

shortridge,
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@jsled @whereistanya @skamille

when “finished” with its cycle, my new dryer beep bloops a jingle that can only be described as the sound of an ice cream truck in the first third of a horror movie, meant to show the viewer that something is contorted, sinister, slithering beneath the glossy surface in this seemingly halcyon town and it feels like it is mocking me every time, especially because it never actually has dried the things its insidiously jocund jingle insists it has

Di4na, to random
@Di4na@hachyderm.io avatar

I know I am late to it, but I finally read https://kellyshortridge.com/blog/posts/rfi-secure-by-design-response/
Thank you @shortridge for being one of the rare person in this domain that make sense.

You are one of the reason I still write about this. I may not have a lot of hope, but at least I feel less lonely.

(And yes, I do not agree with everything, but faaaaar better than all the other answers)

shortridge,
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@Di4na I am so very glad I can at least make you feel less alone in this worthy quest 🖤

shortridge, to random
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them: where do you want your career to go in the next 5 to 10 years?

me: to become widely known as “The Entity”

shortridge,
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@ferrix I haven’t been introing myself in talks already for a few years now 👀

aphyr, to random
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Ah yes, the two genders

shortridge,
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@aphyr @thisismissem it’s a gay romance thriller where Kristen’s character falls in love with a bodybuilder, teenage me would die if they knew

shortridge, to random
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“…just as Error, by contrast, renders more dazzling the triumph of Truth…”

~ Proust on chaos experimentation circa 1337 BCE

shortridge, to Cybersecurity
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tired: My job is to write kernel exploits to collect remote access across target systems

inspired: I am a corn farmer

shortridge, to random
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OH: “None of these galactic fuckheads seem to realize YAML’s a goddamn data exchange format, not the fuckin’ language of the spheres, forged by the seraphim at the dawn of time, held securely in its place of honor in this one directory that’s checked into git”

👀 hello stans

shortridge, to random
@shortridge@hachyderm.io avatar

a sales rep from a vendor reached out to my work email asking if I’ve thought about using chaos engineering

how should I respond?

I’m tempted to reply, “never heard of it”

shortridge, to random
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some days it feels like if I read one more sentence putrefied by passive voice, my brain will implode.

they do not warn liberal arts majors of this hazard before entering the tech industry.

shortridge,
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one day I will write a, “here are the top ~7 ways to dramatically improve your technical writing” guide for engineers.

because passive voice influences clarity, not just style, and even adds friction for neurodivergents who can’t stomach extended slogs through passive voice without their attention drifting.

eg “A review will be performed before project launch so readiness is assessed.” Who will perform the review?? Often the answer is “we don’t know”; passive voice is pernicious like that.

shortridge,
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@narthur my go-to is “by zombies,” but monkeys totally works, too

shortridge,
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@lita I love your framing of it as “tactical information”! Can I borrow that (with attribution) if I end up writing the post?

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