@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic
Ugh...it's so frustrating when people tell me, "You'll miss out on the college experience," just because I want certain accommodations while away at university.
I don't mind missing out on sporting events, not having a roommate, or preferring to study in my dorm room instead of the library. I still have a social life without those things!
For me, having the freedom to avoid the NT "college life" is what keeps me sane while I'm at university.
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 213 , Tuesday 28/05/2024
Up at 6m as Mrs S. was back in work today.
Another day of fighting the agoraphobia & losing . The spectre of the world beyond the front door playing havoc with my mind.
Watching others sally forth, both in analog & digital life makes me realise how far I have to go to get better.
I would go to the GP, but the whole thing over the ADHD assessment has badly shaken my trust in them.
Also I am so very aware of the state of the NHS & I feel that I cannot deny other, more worthy souls their opportunity to get medical help.
So chores are done and now I roam the countryside around Boston in the virtual world of Fo4.
I was analysing my current play style & I am being so very logical about it - for no reason. I need to relax & play the game as I encounter it, instead of maximising companion potential or trying to do stuff in a set order.
Got a new stand for the iPad today , gotta get used to the new layout - it’s more comfortable if a little odd at the moment.
Final Thoughts.
Sometimes my autistic nature makes me miss communication cues. I fail to respond in the way folk expect , sometimes say things innocently that are misinterpreted because there are certain rules that I either don’t know or don’t understand.
I am kind by nature & like to see the best in people, I like to compliment folk, often the old adage ‘it’s nice to be nice’ comes into play.
Sometimes I do not recognise the unseen, unspoken edges of what is acceptable, people have blocked me before today for being too familiar too soon.This upsets me a great deal when it happens. Thankfully it has not happened since I got my diagnosis.
Now I know I am autistic I take steps to try & avoid the more obvious pit falls , but sometimes I forget or get a little over enthusiastic & folk bring me up short. Then I back away & something is lost.
I had hoped that my GP would help me find the help I need but they seem disinterested. For now I am on my own.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic
Read an article recently that claimed autistic individuals are less likely to succumb to marketing and impulse buying. I think this is true about myself.
I am aware that AuDHD can often work against this, and make shopping a dreadful experience because of the push and pull of "wanting" but not "needing" something. I'd love to hear y'all's experiences/opinions.
I'm sitting in the dark, with the window blinds closed, because I feel like I just need it that way right now for no discernable reason. This is probably what my therapist means by nervous system regulation and emotional regulation. 🤔
I really like sensory deprivation—sometimes even more than others.
I really want to make a career in the #InfoSec field. Security is my passion. I haven't yet decided which role I'd like to get involved in. All I know so far is that Malware Analysis isn't for me. I'm interested to hear from folks in the field who are #ActuallyAutistic, have #ADHD, or both. What roles have been a good fit for you? I'm guessing that Incident Response would be far too high stress, but I could be wrong about that. Boosts appreciated. #NeuroDiverseSquad#AuDhd#AskingAutistics
I just made a phone call.
It was regarding something relatively straightforward and simple to sort out and I was on the phone for 37 minutes. Most of that was on hold.
As soon as it ended I burst into tears.
I am exhausted. My neck and back are agony from the tension. I’ve got a headache and I feel sick.
It took about 30 minutes to stop shaking.
I wrote my speech but they interrupted, trying to get me to do security questions first.
I really wish there was a way to never have to make phone calls.
I do everything I possibly can via email and online. If it has to be a call usually I get D to make them for me, but if there’s any security questions needed they insist I’m on the phone, even when they have no way of knowing if it’s me by my voice.
I really hate having to rely on him and it makes it even harder if they’re only available during working hours.
Forecast says it'll rain today and cloudy with showers tomorrow. Maybe sunshine returns on Thursday. I could use good days of sunshine. Yesterday there was some semi-sunshine getting through thin clouds but not the sunshine I need.
Ginza is such a good sleeping buddy. I love hearing her sometimes making sighing noises in the night because of how comfy she feels.
Many times #ActuallyAutistic people are diagnosed as having alexithymia, an inability to recognize and/or describe the emotions they are feeling. Its Greek roots mean "without words for feelings."
It seems complex to me, an autistic who has an oversized vocabulary in some part due to the fact I was a hyperlexic child who learned to read before kindergarten and the fact I have a great love and curiosity for language, for languages, for words. I have plenty of words. I have feelings.
I also have a strong desire to be careful with my words, to find ones that seem best, though even then later thinking may lead me to wanting to revise them. Of course that's when allistics might suggest I'm simply overthinking things. But is that true? Or is it that they are underthinking things? Why don't they spend more time examining their feelings?
Of course another issue which has made alexithymia part of my life is how much of my life I would be told that I wasn't
feeling the things I would feel, that my descriptions were wrong. If that happens to any person often enough, it will create hesitation and uncertainty.
But here's something I know. All our words are at best approximations and that over time words change and shift in meaning. That is demonstrated over and over in languages and their histories that we know of. Words are symbols but they are only maps and not the actual territory. Those symbols can grow in complexity
when we use metaphorical representations built from vocabulary and grammar. We share those maps with others, but we can't know exactly how others look upon maps or hold those maps or how they might not just look at the map but take it in their hands, put their fingers upon it, use other sensory inputs to make sense of them.