@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

DivineKestrel

@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw

Black autistic train wreck of the manic pixie chaos demon variety. Desperately sapphic and depressingly touch-starved. Constantly walks into the cocktail party naked in heels because my sense of boundaries is entirely fucking broken.

I dream of having bigger tits, a day collar, and someone who calls me "pet." Someday I will meet a woman willing to tie me up in a vaguely uncomfortable position and fuck me until the pain stops. Until then I'm here to rip my chest open and pour 75 conflicting emotions all over everyone's expensive shoes.

I post about sex A LOT because I'm a horny chaos demon. My posts auto-delete after a while for the safety of humanity.

If I don't know you, you might consider interacting a bit before requesting a follow or I might ignore it.

If you're a cis man, you might consider not interacting at all…or at least thinking real hard before explaining my own jokes to me or describing the nuances of politics or science, both which I've written actual books about.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Job hunting is soul crushing. Especially when your last 10 years have been in software, and you hate it, and you can't get a software job anyway because you're a Black trans woman with anthropology and hydrology degrees, but can't get a hydrology job because you haven't done hydrology in 15 years. So I'm just floating without a job, without prospects, and with no idea what to even look for.

Soul… crushed.

Impossible_PhD, to random
@Impossible_PhD@hachyderm.io avatar

Mirrored from Bluesky:

If baby (6 months hrt) Zoe could see me today, she'd have a goddamned panic attack, but because I'm so much more femme and publicly queer than she ever dared to dream.

It ain't what's Girl Enough, it's what Fits You.

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@Impossible_PhD Well 6 months HRT Terra would be somewhat less shocked because she was already starting the 6th or 7th crack by then. But I can tell you 3 month Terra would have been pushed right back into the closet seeing me today.

She had a plan to come out publicly right about now at the two year mark, and absolutely ZERO ability to comprehend being an unhinged post-op chaos demon who openly talks about wearing miniskirts without any panties, tying herself up in rope, and fucking all of her friends.

Pretty sure I would have shut this whole thing down out of fear if I'd had any idea. 😆​

It ain't what's Girl Enough, it's What Kind Of Dumbass Bat-Shit Manic Pixie Chaos Demon Fits You.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Got my cute OnlyMaker round toe daily heel that I was super excited about since they have a size 14, only to find out that they're too small for me. Gods I hate buying shoes. It's so depressing. Even when I can find shoes sized for a monster, they're not sized for a MONSTEROUS monster.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

There are so many white people responding about voting.

Y'all, it's not hard.

If a POC says "it's racist to I expect me to behave in the way you want me to regarding voting"

And you only talk about the voting

Then what you are not talking about is the racism

And since the racism was the point, then what you are doing is changing the subject.

And if a POC talks about racism and you change the subject…

Y'all…we see that. Like, you realize we see that, right?

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

And that ain't even what I'm talking about. Y'all always do this "but what about…?" Shit.

I'm talking about white people calling POC "stupid" for protesting by not voting.

I'm talking about white people who EXPECT POC to behave in ways that benefit white people, and then condemn us when we don't do what we're supposed to do. Like you are so steeped in white privilege you don't even see how racist that is?

Take all those other "but what about …?" Arguments somewhere else, I ain't havin it.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

White people complaining about Black and other POC people not voting shows how they can really lean into the implicit racism of the neoliberal system.

As if the corporeal state didn't happen under Democratic guidance. As if Roe v Wade wasn't over-turned under a Democratic president. 6 different times here, white people have pointed to Columbia university and said shit like "avoiding this kind of police state is why we need to vote democrat" as if the sitting president is not Democratic.

And then they'll say "it could be worse if you don't vote." When they have zero understanding of what "worse" means. When they know nothing of the neoliberal acceptance of the GOP big plan.

And when they have decided to ignore the fact that BIPOC and AAPI peoples have been living "worse" for generations.

Telling POC people to save their asses yet fucking again. Bitch don't get all moral high ground about voting just because the barrel is finally pointing at you. This shit is called "Tuesday."

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Thinking about making a T-shirt with the silhouette of a woman and of a grizzly bear with the text "Bi-curious ( I'm into women but I might give the bear a try)"

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

I mean, she also said that she wasn't happy about me wearing a low cut top because "I'm in a high level position and mostly hide that I'm a woman." So the second-wavism is strong, I guess.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Turns out my wife is a bit of a "women should avoid dressing suggestively so they don't get sexually assaulted" feminist.

Since I'm a "men should be held accountable for their actions since boyhood" feminist, we have conflicting views.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Transition turning point.

I was pretty hell bent already, life was falling apart. I couldn't come back from COVID because being home with the kids all day was too amazing. I knew I wanted to be a mom and couldn't because…well, I'm a man. There were a lot of things pushing me but I knew I had to suck it up and just be a good dad.

Then one day, a group of the men from my church approached me and said they wanted me to join them for coffee on Saturday, which they do every week, calling it The Old Men Coffee Club.

I almost vomited.

I was forced to be a man, but I didn't want to be… that. Just picturing being in a group of old men made me sick to my stomach.

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Then a a 65 year old woman from church was lamenting her loss of strength and how she wasn't young and she was so beautiful and I thought "god I wish I was you."

And at that point I was like "shit… what's THAT all about."

A couple months later, I saw an article in…Vanity Fair? About some women transitioning in their 60s and one said "I knew I'd never be beautiful, but I also knew I didn't want to die as an old man."

My exact words were "oh shit. That's me."

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

I'm honestly convinced that estrogen has made me more scatterbrained.

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@rooster New existential crisis just dropped.

rooster, to random
@rooster@chaosfem.tw avatar

INTERIOR, NYC PIZZA SHOP

Jessica: sorry cousin, I had a boy. We named him Pauli

Benny Gesserit: hey! I’m plottin’ here!

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@caroline @rooster This may be the greatest thing that's happened on the internet.

Now I want to do a remake of Dune like the Danes/DiCaprio remake of Romeo and Juliet. That would be amazing. Y'all are fucking amazing.

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@Cara @rooster @caroline @WrenArcher Okay, so, y'all doing Jewish New York and Italian New York, and I can't do that. I only know how to do Black New York.

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@rooster @sashag @Cara @caroline @WrenArcher

*Terra continues taking notes…

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@rooster @sashag @Cara @caroline @WrenArcher

Scene opens with camera focused on light reflecting on the water.

Pan up and back slowly, widen shot, a teenage boy stands at the edge of a lake, a small toy sailboat bobs in the water close to his feet.

Widen shot further, a well-dressed high fashion woman stands primly next to him, staring out across the lake. Some will recognize the shot as the Central Park Lake.

Boy: "But why do we have to move to The Shore?"

Woman [Looks lovingly at the boy]: "You're father's been called, so we gotta go."

Boy: "I don't trust the Italians. He's just gonna be a patsy. It's a trap."

Woman: "Your father knows it's a trap though. That means he has the upper hand."

Boy is silent for a while, staring at the water, trying to build courage to speak.

Boy: "I've had dreams of him dying in Jersey, mom. I don't want dad to die in Jersey."

Woman: "I don't either, baby. So let's make sure that doesn't happen. [Beat] Have you been practicing your voice?"

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@rooster @RoseRaven @sashag @Cara @caroline @WrenArcher

So, like, what's the water like back in New York, Usul.

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

Y'all, I like all the Treks, I can't deal with your fighting, please think of the children.

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@RickiTarr Treks are like boobs, all are beautiful in their own way.

Toastie, (edited ) to random
@Toastie@journa.host avatar

Funniest thing I've read all day:

"the United States is committed to serving as a model in the international community in promoting and protecting the collective rights of #indigenous peoples as well as the human rights of all individuals."

https://www.achp.gov/sites/default/files/whitepapers/2018-09/AnnouncementofUSSupportfortheUNDRIP.pdf

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@Toastie @Lachesis OMG satire is fucking dead.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

So, my original vaginoplasty consult was with OHSU, which is an amazing hospital and where I wanted to go. But the consult was in two months.

On a whim, I decided to set a consult with another doctor. I now have a vagina two months before the original consult.

Just as a point of reference people: A 20 month wait for a consult and another 20+ month surgery wait was avoided by looking around.

This falls into the "It can't hurt to look around" category.

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@Impossible_PhD @NicolaElle does she do remote consults?!

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

*On the phone with the VA, using the femme voice that gets coded femme by people who don't know me.

"Can we have the veterans name."

"Okay, the name you have on file is – but my name is Terra. I'm trying to update my name and sex on record, that's why I'm calling."

"I see your record now. What can we do for you today, sir?"

"Well, it's ma'am."

"Ma'am, yes, I'm sorry about that sir."

"I'm not a sir. Can you confirm that you have the paperwork I sent to update my record."

"Give me one moment to check that sir."

"Ma'am."

"Yes, of course, just one moment…"

*Fast forward 10 minutes, where they say they have everything, but are 'working on it,' so I can't get updated docs. 🤦‍♀️​

"Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?"

"OMG I'm not a sir, no."

"Thank you for calling the VA, sir, have a nice day."

…

*Terra throws a table into the wall

Impossible_PhD, to random
@Impossible_PhD@hachyderm.io avatar

I'll be taking next week off on SGW. Several reasons why, but generally busy. I'll be out of town for part of the weekend and....

I bought a new car on Monday. My very first new car. For those who haven't, buying a new car is a Whole Fucking Process.

So yeah. Taking the breather.

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Pictures @Impossible_PhD in heels and a violently red dress getting into a dragon red Maserati in Monaco…

rooster, to random
@rooster@chaosfem.tw avatar

Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man are the same person right isn't that why they were running around eating pills

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@rooster I just got a joke someone told me in high school…

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