@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

DivineKestrel

@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw

Black autistic train wreck of the manic pixie chaos demon variety. Desperately sapphic and depressingly touch-starved. Constantly walks into the cocktail party naked in heels because my sense of boundaries is entirely fucking broken.

I dream of having bigger tits, a day collar, and someone who calls me "pet." Someday I will meet a woman willing to tie me up in a vaguely uncomfortable position and fuck me until the pain stops. Until then I'm here to rip my chest open and pour 75 conflicting emotions all over everyone's expensive shoes.

I post about sex A LOT because I'm a horny chaos demon. My posts auto-delete after a while for the safety of humanity.

If I don't know you, you might consider interacting a bit before requesting a follow or I might ignore it.

If you're a cis man, you might consider not interacting at all…or at least thinking real hard before explaining my own jokes to me or describing the nuances of politics or science, both which I've written actual books about.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Every time I make a joke here where I word the joke the way I would around other Black folk, there is a white person who drops into my mentions to condemn it. Every single time. I'm only safe as long as I code switch.

And the thing is, I know not to engage them on this topic because the easiest way for a Black person to get attacked is to call a white liberal out on racist behaviors. I've been around this chestnut way too damn long. I got decades as a published author dealing with that chestnut. It's not worth it.

When we say Mastodon has a race problem, we are not talking about the Nazis.

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

What is the thing(s) that attracts you to a person romantically or otherwise?

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@RickiTarr @lisamelton safety and humor.

If they are fun/funny, and I know I'm emotionally, physically, and sexually safe—not just from abuse, tho that's obviously important, but safe to be myself, safe to express myself and my wishes and desires without condemnation or ridicule, to not mask and hide pieces of myself—then the rest doesn't really matter.

DivineKestrel, to random
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Something I think about sometimes is the difference between us late bloomers and the Trans kids now.

I look around at all the Trans women my age and it's like we're this weird cookie cutter form where the similarities are fucking eerie.

And I think of all the young kids now, and how there might be so much variation in the Trans community with those kids. How I hope none of them will be cookie cut-outs.

The sad truth is when I stop to think about it, I know why all the late blooming Trans girls are the same.

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@ljrk Older Trans women can sometimes act in ways that are somewhat indistinguishable from grumpy old men. It genuinely makes me sad. I'm so excited to see the younger Trans people having fun. I wish I could have experienced that, true, but I would never want to denigrate them for having it easier, and I genuinely don't understand why anyone would.

This is, actually, something I've noticed in the broader LGBTQ+ community. David Sedaris gave a talk in Portland where he went off on a tear about children using the term Queer and how angry it made him because they don't know anything about how painful it was and how meaningless it is.

I sat there the whole time thinking Wow, there's just no love for how far we've come. Like, how could you not be happy that children today feel THAT comfortable exploring their sexuality?! It was straight up like he wanted it to be "The Old Days." If I had to suffer, you should too. WTF?

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Looking for jobs right now is fucking wild, because all the tech jobs are hiring at the same salary as they were 13 years ago when I started working in software. This was back when the boring ass Oregon state jobs paid so little by comparison.

But Oregon state has tied their salaries to inflation and living wages and given cost of living adjustments (COLAs). So now, the boring ass state jobs pay more than the private company jobs.

The software industry laughs at COLAs, but we've been taking pay cuts every single year. If I'd just have stayed at DEQ working as a hydrologist, I'd be making considerable more than a senior software developer. That's wild.

Pagan_Animist, to random
@Pagan_Animist@beekeeping.ninja avatar

Good morning!

I think I might’ve found my first definitely AI generated image.

These HANDS!

I’ve been around people in their 80’s and 90’s my entire life. I know a woman that is 104.

I’ve never seen ANYONE with hands that looked like they belonged on a desiccated corpse.

DivineKestrel,
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@Pagan_Animist those are the hands of a The Vampire Slayer demon.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

There are so many characters whose entire persona is the source of comedy, who are there because their very existence is what's funny.

Men with the characteristics of women.

Them being women-like or identified as such is what makes them gross, ridiculous, laughable. Characters like John Dorian from Scrubs and Lt. Boyle from Brooklyn 99.

The wild thing—the telling thing—is that most of them, perhaps all of them, could be played straight.

If the audience saw the characters as genuine closeted Trans femmes, the entire presentation would be a stark and very painful commentary on how hard it is to survive as a Trans femme. How every natural inclination we have is ridiculed and condemned.

Every time, the writing still works. And the whole series would become a way to show fucking horrible society is to us just for existing.

Cis people: Just sit for a while with that.

DivineKestrel, to random
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Happy Mother's Day to all Trans mothers. You are doing an incredible job under circumstances that nobody else would ever understand.

rooster, to random
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deleted_by_author

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    DivineKestrel,
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    @rooster YAAAASSSS!!!! The best caption for you!!

    DivineKestrel, to random
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    Cis people wishing Trans women a happy Mother's Day without being ironic or weird.

    Difficulty: Impossible.

    DivineKestrel, to random
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    American towns and universities really are digging in on the fascism. Holy shit.

    DivineKestrel, to random
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    Full depth on orange, bitches!!

    WrenArcher, to random
    @WrenArcher@beige.party avatar

    Happy Friday everyone!
    I have another submission. This time it’s even got a Fun Fact About Wren. 😉

    p.s. my apologies for the ASMR breathing sound of my recording. I did this while people were still asleep and was a little close to the microphone.

    DivineKestrel,
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    @WrenArcher I would totally eat Wren's brownies. @Alice @amiserabilist

    DivineKestrel, to random
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    I can't stop fantasizing about what Jason Momoa would look like post-transition.

    DivineKestrel,
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    "Don't be ridiculous! YOU look like Jason Momoa post-transition!"

    Jesus! Shots fired!

    (Also… I was "too old to transition" too.)

    Me, made up with cat eye glasses, teal and purple hair, a low cut green scoop neck top, a brown collar with a D-ring, and eyes saying "You know who you are."

    DivineKestrel, to random
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    *Sees a small Oregon town on TV

    God I wish I lived there.

    *Actually lives in a small Oregon town

    God I wish I lived in a big city.

    DivineKestrel, to random
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    Oh these?

    *Looks down at chest

    These are my JSON blobs

    DivineKestrel, to random
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    @amye there are few people I know who would understand this, but you will.

    I just had an interview with Oregon DEQ about an application architect position in water quality. It's a big project they are working on. At the end of the interview they asked if I had questions and I said I wanted a detailed description of the project.

    Remember Hydrasi? The company I tried to build to make environmental data open and accessible? Amye… they are building Hydrasi!

    I almost started crying. I still dream of that becoming a reality.

    I thought I wanted this job before. But now I very desperately need this job!

    RickiTarr, to random
    @RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

    What cracks me up is when you go to a restaurant, and they ask if you've been there before, and then they say, "Well, we do things a little different here", and then it's exactly like every other restaurant, but more expensive.

    DivineKestrel,
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    @RickiTarr @Alice I went to a swanky pasta restaurant in North Carolina where they said they don't serve rolls but do have hand crafted milk-bread. It came baked in a terra cotta ramekin and was very expensive and very good.

    It was also just a regular-ass dinner roll, because adding milk to make an enriched dough is literally how you make a fucking dinner roll. 🙄🙄

    rooster, to random
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    deleted_by_author

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    DivineKestrel,
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    @rooster

    *calls auto insurance company

    DivineKestrel, to random
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    *Slides on lace panties

    *Snaps stockings onto garter belt.

    *Puts on violently red lipstick

    *Pulls on low-cut, backless dress

    *Steps into stiletto heels

    *Walks into the IT convention speaking loudly

    "Why aren't there any lesbian characters in Star Trek?!"

    DivineKestrel, to random
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    Tomorrow, I have to answer a question for a job interview about what diversity means to me and what I've done to support it…

    And somehow I have to not go on a tear about how I've never done anything to support it because I'm struggling to just fucking survive and as the autistic Black trans woman have never been in a position of power that I COULD support it and the fact they are asking me that question without considering that is the fucking problem with "diversity."

    DivineKestrel, to random
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    The person who's no longer my CEO as of yesterday wants to have a zoom meeting with me to discuss the job and thank me for my time.

    When I was told I was laid off, I was told my last day on payroll was technically yesterday.

    So the meeting where I was told I was laid off was unpaid time.

    And now the CEO wants to meet with me to …what? Assuage his guilt? On unpaid time?

    This is the kind on entitlement I fucking hate so much about tech.

    DivineKestrel, to random
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    Welcome to the world of the unemployed, I guess.

    DivineKestrel, to random
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    Thinking about going to a women-only BDSM/leather casual munch event. I Just want to meet some people in person. But trying to talk myself into it is surprisingly terrifying.

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