MostlyHarmless

MostlyHarmless, 11 months ago to random

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

Has Missouri ever done a tourism ad with the slogan ‘Missouri Loves Company?’ If not, what is even the point of Missouri?

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

Move this kid up a couple of grades.

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

Might be a Canadian if you’re standing at the gas station in shorts and flip flops sweating during a heat wave, and you check to make sure the windshield wash you're buying is rated to -45°.

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

Did some financial planning yesterday, and it looks like I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for eleven minutes.

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

Good grief this makes me sick and disgusted. What has America come to already?
Honestly, what kind of heathen hangs toilet paper this way???

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

The most unrealistic part of Guardians of the Galaxy was where Peter didn't break his headphones for 30+ years.

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

Apparently when I said I wanted to see Les Misérables someday, I should have clarified that I did not mean "unfolding on the streets around me in real time".

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

Got a new bottle of dish soap, and now I’m using what’s left of the old one with the wild abandon of someone in a much higher tax bracket.

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

Meeting a blind date at Starbucks. She said she'll be wearing Uggs, a NorthFace Jacket, and yoga pants. I have her narrowed down to 47 girls so far.

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

On the upside, during this playoff run, children were conceived, and their children's children may eventually get to see the Leafs get eliminated in the finals.

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

Me: I’m sort of a chicken magnet.
Colleague: Don’t you mean chick magnet?
[distant squawking]
Me: We have to go NOW.

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

Why are all those adults who warned me as a student how Wikipedia is unreliable now using viral Facebook posts as their news sources?

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

Life pro tip: If you can, try to be born with generational wealth.

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

All I want is enough money to discover for myself it doesn’t make me happy.

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

Can we posthumously change the names of mass shooters and domestic terrorists to things like the Indiana Idiot, the California Clown #4, and the New Zealand Twat?

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

The only way I want to see your ultrasound picture is if you’re having a velociraptor.

MostlyHarmless, 1 year ago to random

When a guy says "I'm fine," what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.