PixysJourney

Rasta, 6 months ago to random

I use my bluetooth headphones often. daily. I was worried I'd break the most expensive pair I own, and reordered it to keep the same make.
I misplaced my old pair, took out the new pair to use, and they are not even the same brand name. They look close, but on reorder, they should have been exact. Not even the same charging cords.

But, I found my missing ones.. I'll use them some more

Tim_McTuffty, 6 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 22 Monday 20/11/23

TL:DR It’s STILL only Monday! ; Early to bed, early to rise - just make sure you tired !; The unadulterated truth is a sharp blade , one should not wield it without caution!

Today was a very ‘Meh’ kind of day.
Breakfast was quiet but you could have cut the atmosphere with a knife . 😔
It was a relief when Mrs Squirrel had to go into the office for the day!

I’m starting to move my sleep cycle so I wake earlier. Aiming for 20:30 - 04:00 , I’ll wait while those of you allergic to pre-dawn wake up calls recover 😆

There are 2 reasons for this.

1. Mrs Squirrel insists on going to bed (to read) as close to 20:00 as she can get. Every night! This leaves me on my own till about midnight when I go to bed to get my statutory 6 hours sleep ( that’s what my body clock is set too 🙄🤦‍♂️ )
2. One of my dear online friends has a 17:00 - 00:30 (ish ) sleep cycle & I want to tie in with that a bit better so we can chat of a morning.

So I’m a bit tired today as my body adjusts , objecting loudly obviously !
I am also recovering from yesterday’s fracas , the MH fallout of which will take a few days to work out of my system.

I did a few chores & downloaded ‘It takes 2’ to play with my Pixy friend when she next has a moment 😊
(CDP 🧚‍♀️🥰😁 not NGP🧚🥰 )

Then I had a long phone chat with my very close friend , possibly my bestie I guess .
I overcame my anxiety about talking to people directly & I think we had a good chat. 😊

Then I hit Mastodon - 256 toots ! I love the guys I share a TL with , but really peeps !
This is why I’m a little late with this , I’m still a little behind but will finish off when I publish this.

Final Thoughts:
The aftereffects of my ASD mini meltdown yesterday continue to reverberate, peace & cordiality have been restored in the household but such episodes are not without scarring , certainly for me.
Talking with my Bestie helped as I discovered that some of the feelings I was having about yesterday they had had in the past. They are ND too & they are helping me understand my ASD better.
I also discovered yesterday that, when pushed to the point of angry exchange, I can only tell the truth & nothing but the truth, in its raw, unadulterated , unfiltered form! This is actually not as good a thing as one might think, folk don’t always like that level of truth, it can, in a nutshell ,piss them off!
Had I not been in my current state of self analysis I’m not sure I would ever have noticed .
Another tick in the Triad box methinks, but not an idea negotiation technique 🤦‍♂️

Thanks to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 😊🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty, 6 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 21 Sunday 19/11/23

TL:DR This another entry that is hard to write & hard to read, there is no cw because there is nothing really controversial here. Even so read at your own risk.

Another lay in this morning promised a lazy carefree day, but that was not to be.

Getting downstairs 2 minor triggers, then 1 big sod off one were set off within a few moments.
I ended up storming out of the house in an ASD fuelled strop.
I hate walking in the rain, I really hate walking in cold rain, but I needed to walk , I needed space.
I walked to the top of our hill, chatting with a dear friend who helped me , stopped me crashing & pulled me back from the brink.

I got home & as has happened in the past my inability to handle multiple triggering events was thrown in my face & I ended up being the one who backed down, the one who felt guilty & to blame , the one who made the peace overtures in the shape of food & drink.

Don’t get me wrong I’m am not wholly innocent in this episode, but neither am I wholly guilty, I should not have had to shoulder all the blame simply to return a quiet life.

So the mask goes back up, pent up frustration simmers gently in the background, waiting for sufficient additional frustration to reach the next explosion, probably in about a year.

This evening détente had been restored, all parties were on talking terms , will things change, unlikely, one refuses to change the other strives for a mixture of a quiet life & to not ‘rock the boat’. I leave the reader to decide who plays what role.

Final Thoughts:
ASD & depression are hard to deal with, harder when the one who should be someone to turn to is the one triggering episodes.

I’m not looking for sympathy, or indeed judgment of any party, there are aspects of today, like my autism , that caused the situation to be so much harder for those involved.

This is the other side of the coin from yesterday, what a difference 24 hours makes.

Thanks to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 😊🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

MaJ1, 6 months ago to weirdfolks

#MorningAll & #TZAG

G’day Squirrel Fans,
so this morning could have gone sooo much better , but I’ll leave the details to my diary tonight .

I’m so behind on toots to read, bare with me peeps! .

Massive shout out to @PixysJourney , thank you so much for your help & advice this morning, above & beyond lass, above & beyond ! 🫂 🥰

Have a great #Sunday & remember #RuleNumberOne: Don’t get caught!
😊🫶🐿️🖖
@weirdfolks
#WeirdFolks #SquirrelsOfMastodon #TheMammutMoves

PixysJourney, 6 months ago to ai

#SilentSunday

#AI creation by me and Bing.

PixysJourney, 6 months ago to ai

Sometimes something very nice happens.
You get to meet someone that you click with. That you have fun with. That's like a long-lost friend.
Thanks to Mastodon I've made a few very good new friends and I am super grateful for them and their support!
I recently have been gaming a bit with one of those friends and he gave me some jolly good laughs, which were greatly appreciated.
So while I was dabbling with some AI, while AI and I still don't really work together well, I did manage to get this image made.
So I thought I would share it. Instead of writing for my blog like I should be doing now haha! I'm too easily distracted for my own good...
OK back to writing on my WP site now.
Have a lovely day dears!

#PixysJourney #AI

Tim_McTuffty, 6 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 20 Saturday 18/11/23

TL:DR A lazy day, but progress was still made! Writing is so much easier than other forms of communication for those who lack Social Communication skills .

Hurrah for Saturdays !
A much needed lay in this morning that led to a decidedly enjoyable gaming session & learning a few new tricks on the PS5 associated with multiplayer options 😊

My ASD played with me in the moments leading up to starting the gaming session . A new game , new genre , playing with someone who knew the game & had completed it. Angst levels were high!

However because the person I play with is kind & patient & the game ‘Man of Medan’ is a slower pace than the games I usually play it was a truly enjoyable experience & the angst quickly passed.

A long chat this afternoon via text allowed a friendship to grow stronger. ND experiences shared & a deeper understanding of each other developed.

An evening of takeaway, cider & ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ rounded off the day in a very pleasant way. 😊

Final Thoughts:

As I have commented before a deeper understanding of autism, as it affects me , & others (including the responses to previous diary entries ) makes life a little easier & friendships a little deeper.

Thanks to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 😊🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

PixysJourney, 6 months ago to animals

When the love of your life is peacefully snoring next to you and you enjoy every breath she takes wholeheartedly.... 💜 🐾 💜

#Labrador #DogsOfMastodon #Dog #Arwen

MaJ1, 6 months ago to weirdfolks

#MorningAll & #TZAG

G’day Squirrel Fans, not a promising start weather wise , dull & grey.

Gotta gaming session this morning with a certain CDP 🧚‍♀️ , new game to me so much ASD anxiety, but if she can follow me through the FO76 wastes then I can do ‘Man of Medan’ !

Have a great #Saturday & remember #RuleNumberOne: Don’t get caught!
😊🫶🐿️🖖
@weirdfolks
#WeirdFolks #SquirrelsOfMastodon #TheMammutMoves

PixysJourney, 6 months ago to random

Journal of a Dutch Pixy 🧚🏼‍♀️

TL;DR Arwen wanted to spend the night with me on my bed (she's my dog, FYI 😉)

Last night, well at the end of the afternoon, Arwen and I had gone for walkies. Arwen sometimes walks to my bedroom and looks at the bed. But usually when I ask her if she wants to sleep there, she just heads to the living room. But this time, she put her head on the side. The bed is too high for her to jump these days, so I lifted her up. She immediately took over the whole bed 😂!

I went to the living room to get my shoes off, grab Arwen's snacks and prepare everything for the next day (night). After a loo break, Arwen and I played the game of beds until I had a decent spot to sleep in. I quickly fell asleep with her beside me. It's been years since she really wanted to sleep with me like this and I almost feared that it might be her last night or something and she didn't want to be alone...

But every time I woke, she was there, snoring. Or pushing me out the bed 😂. During loo breaks I asked her if she wanted off and she stayed put. But when my alarm woke me, she was ready to go off and get out for walkies.
Of course I had to dress and prepare her food and all that.

But we had a good night together. I did have some weird dreams about exes, but every time I woke I stroked Arwen's fur and quickly was able to fall asleep again.

#PixysJourney

Arwen laying on my bed, ready to snuggle up for the night.

Tim_McTuffty, 6 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 19 Friday 17/11/23

TL:DR Alexander G. Bell will be turning in his grave ! ; My friends must think I’m a screw loose! ; Don’t bring that slide rule any closer ! ; The inner child in me is excited as anything!

I really need to remember to write this thru the day. Given that I managed to lose my AirPods precisely 2 feet away from my head doesn’t exactly bode well on the memory front 🙄🤦‍♂️

I found today that my aversion to using the phone is seriously deeply seated!
I really wanted to speak to a really close friend today, but could not. I lost my airpods as mentioned above & my autistic self told me that my friend would judge me (as I had txted them about the loss) & refused point blank to use the phone to speak to them.
I was perfectly fine texting them, but speaking to them was out of the question !

Just had a bun fight with someone who misread a toot & then argued with a coder & claimed that coding wasn’t easy & absolutely needed a high degree of maths capability. Hmmmmm.
All I can say is my 13 year old Niece can run mathematical rings around me & ,for me at least, programming isn’t that hard. Except Assembly Language, which was created to punish programmers who wouldn’t eat their greens !

Oh and I’m sharing TLs with @ niamhgarvey@mastodon.ie! 😊 does slightly excited little dance (I de-tagged her because I don’t wanna flood her TL with my nonsense!)
Well I think that proves both the inner child in me is alive & well & that the bit in the Triad of Impairment about not comprehending correct social behaviour holds true for me!

Final Thoughts:
Conquering my ND tendencies may prove harder than I thought, who’d have thunk that speaking on the phone with a dear friend would be harder than actually meeting them face to face? (They live 500 miles away so no real chance of that in the foreseeable future 😔)
I wonder if one of my autistic ‘super powers ‘ is the ability to code without any competence in Maths ?
Hey is my inner child ND too ?

Thanks to all my friends on here & all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 😊🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty, 6 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 18 Thursday 16/11/23

TL:DR Life , don’t talk to me about life ! There’s some hard reading ahead, UHBW.

Let’s just say I’ve had better days & leave it at that.

I am in bed, not because I’m ill but because I’m really not up for sitting downstairs on my own , again & again.
So at least here I can snuggle under the duvet & pretend I’m 80 miles & 45 years away & my Mum will walk in to tell me to turn out the light & wish me good night in 15 minutes 😣

I’m casting about for someone in the real world who hasn’t triggered me today, my brother his partner & my niece, by dint of not actually interacting with me pretty much fills that list.

Thank Nuggan for Mastodon & the ability to loose myself in the presence of people who will at least not ignore me.

I am so very close to taking my frustrations out on me , but then I would feel I had let good friends on here down so perhaps not. Also I know that some of my reactions are ASD amplified again & in realising that I can step slowly back to a safer space.

I am not looking for sympathy, or understanding, this is a diary after all.

Final Thoughts:
I would list the triggers & frustrations one by one , but what would that serve .
I faced the temptation of full on self penalisation & resisted , so a little progress there I guess.
I wonder if people with conditions that seem to force them to live in their past memories have simply had enough of ‘now’ & prefer to live in the comfort of ‘then’ ?

Thanks to all my friends on here & all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 😊🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

MaJ1, 6 months ago to weirdfolks

#MorningAll & #TZAG
G’day Squirrel Fans, Thursday of my birthday week & I’ve decided that a nice quiet morning sat in bed is in order. The excitement & exposure to people this week has exhausted me mentally (although I did enjoy it ) & I need a bit of me time. 😊

Love n hugs to those that need them 🤗🥰

Have a great #Thursday & remember #RuleNumberOne: Don’t get caught!

😊🫶🐿️🖖
@weirdfolks
#WeirdFolks #SquirrelsOfMastodon #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty, 6 months ago to cake

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 17 Wednesday 15/11/23

TL:DR Blood is thicker than water, unless you’re on blood thinners ! Also good friends are hard to replace especially when you understand them a little better ! Oh & please don’t break my brain with illogical logic !

I had another good day today, Mrs Squirrel took me out of a post birthday lunch treat. Then we watched movies.

Also I shared my MAJ1 TL with someone today & it was a most welcome reunion, nice to see you back Fi 🤗🥰
I hope that now I am understanding me better & autism better, I can stop putting my foot in it !

This afternoon into this evening a merry thread developed , seasoned Squirrel Fans will not be surprised to learn it involved #Cake 😂

A new peep sharing my MAJ1 TL @AntiPapa_Ken produced an inordinately long Emoji acronym , my logical ASD brain took one look at it & closed down.
I suggested that acronyms should be shorter than what they represent , his response was “where is the fun in that?”
Now my NT side knew that this was a joke, that it was humour. However my ND mind was like ‘there is no fun in that, it makes no sense ‘ & promptly shut down any further train of thought on the subject.

However as the song goes “Into every life a little rain must fall!”

Today was a day of sunshine & and major rain storm!

My Dad & Sisters have not sent me a card or presents , or at least ones that arrived yesterday (my birthday) or today .

My Dad did ring yesterday & my older Sister texted me but, that feels like a consolation prize.
I know that my feelings of utter rejection are OTT & most probably driven to these levels by my ASD mind , but that does not help.

There is something primal about being ‘rejected’ or at least feeling you’ve been rejected by your immediate family .

It is worse because I had hoped that the revelation of my being autistic would explain some of my anti-social behaviour, but it seems not. Maybe it needs longer conversations & explaining to my Dad that I have been this way since birth. That is definitely gonna be a shock to his system !

Mrs Squirrel has hinted at a post, post birthday lunch tomorrow , but the way I feel at the moment , hiding away at home & having something simple appeals more.

Final Thoughts:
Once again the duality of my ASD becomes evident, on the one hand enabling me to reconnect with folk & brightening my day.
On the other hand the inability to process nonsensical information because my brain wanted to take it literally & my Bambleweeny 57 sub-meson logic circuit ( gotta fit a HHGTTG ref into this somehow ! ) simply didn’t want to know !
Finally heightened emotions were once more boosted to uncalled for levels by my tendency to project the worst on every situation .
It’s been a roller coaster day !

Thanks to all my friends on here & all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 😊🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

PixysJourney, 6 months ago to ADHD

Howdy kind Mastonauts! 😁 Welcome to this new account.
I made (another) account to share things that are not health or entertainment related. I have dedicated accounts for those things (links in bio).

I will boost those toots when I feel them "good enough" to share with you.

I'm #AuDHD (#Actually Autistic and #ADHD). I live with #Fibromyalgia and #Hypermobility. Got a fake hip. Love fitness. Have an eating disorder that I struggle with. I also have been fighting with #ChronicDepression for many years.

My big love is my 10 year old Labrador lady Arwen. She's slowly showing her age, bless her, so I'm often worried about that.

I have a silly kind of humor and often a either too straight forward or too anxious to say anything.

Have a nice day everyone! 🌸