StefanThinks

StefanThinks, 22 days ago to random

I was going to hire a skywriter with my stimulus money from three years ago to tell the CEOs how out of touch they sound, but then I realized I had to use it for bills as soon as I got it. https://beige.party/@StefanThinks/112369290544908320

StefanThinks, 22 days ago to random

I don’t have a pot to piss in? I don’t need equipment to pee. Don’t underestimate my ability to urinate anywhere anyhow.

StefanThinks, 22 days ago to random

When life gives you Jesse Plemons, make Jesse Plemonade.

StefanThinks, 23 days ago to random

Is… is this why food is so expensive now? Because companies think we are flush with cash from the stimulus checks three years ago?

StefanThinks, 23 days ago to random

Going to join an online tent user group with the sole purpose of waiting for someone to post a picture of their circular tent so I can reply “Who yurt you?”

StefanThinks, 23 days ago to random

It’s May already? I still have the ignored post it notes to remind me to do my taxes up!

StefanThinks, 23 days ago to random

Weird, it seems bear costumes for adult males are selling out suddenly.

StefanThinks, 23 days ago to random

I'm going to start saying “I’m ool” for “out of the loop” so I can create an additional loop for people to be outside of.

StefanThinks, 23 days ago to random

Update: Everything still sucks.

StefanThinks, 23 days ago to random

“Hahah, that’s so funny I forgot to laugh! [Tear rolls down cheek]” – Person with a psychological condition where they can't remember how to laugh when they hear something extremely humorous

StefanThinks, 24 days ago to random

Bill Nye sold me acid.

StefanThinks, 25 days ago to random

A reboot of “Parents Just Don’t Understand” called “Parents Are Just a Psyop.”

StefanThinks, 27 days ago to random

Under deodorant: 72-hour protection guaranteed!

Me: Challenge accepted!

StefanThinks, 27 days ago to random

I'm sorry but even though I love you more than anything, we can't be together because you prefer Zyrtec and I prefer Claritin.

StefanThinks, 27 days ago to random

Thanks for fact checking my wisecrack, you should offer a service like Snopes but for jokes, you can call it Snoops.

StefanThinks, 27 days ago to random

New rightwing grievance just dropped: “Anti-racism made us racist, why would you do this to us???”

StefanThinks, 27 days ago to random

2.4G/5G Dual Band Wireless Bra

StefanThinks, 27 days ago to random

Shooting a dog because it became inconvenient for you is not very pro-life of you.

StefanThinks, 28 days ago to random

Keep honking, my parents were clowns and it reminds me of my childhood.

StefanThinks, 28 days ago to random

I work at a comfortable pace, and play at a comfortable pace.

StefanThinks, 28 days ago to random

The only kind of dog that is ok to shoot is a flame-throwing robot dog.

StefanThinks, 28 days ago to random

Boss: Working hard or hardly working?

Me, with a boner: Heheh, what?

StefanThinks, 29 days ago to random

Me, now: One minute, you're young and carefree, the next…

Me, in 2nd grade: unable to sleep at night because I found out that sadness, famine, and hate exist and trying to figure out how to solve them

StefanThinks, 29 days ago to random

If you and I put our heads together, we’d be stoppable!

StefanThinks, 29 days ago to random

Disgusting if literal: shitposter