batkaren

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

Batman crouching down to collect soil, groaning at his popping knee joints.

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

“And why do you go on social media?” the therapist asks me.

“I guess...to have fun?” I say.

The therapist pauses. “And do you? Have fun, that is?”

We stare at each other a few beats, the silence sharp in my ears. I press my lips together and drop my gaze, slowly shaking my head...

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

Hello Fresh too much work?

Consider trying Fuck It, Rot.

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

Taking off my house hoodie and putting on my professional hoodie for a videoconference.

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

Undressing me with your eyes, getting cornea juice all over the fucking place.

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

But it won’t be the last time, amirite The New Yorker?

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

Paint brand names all sound like they helped frame the US Constitution:

• Benjamin Moore
• Dunn Edwards
• Dutch Boy
• Sherwin Williams
• Little Green Paint & Paper
• Zinsser Perma-White

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

Each Alien movie reflects Ripley in a different archetypal stage:

Alien: The Young Warrior
Aliens: The Mother Figure
Alien³: The Wise Sage
Alien Resurrection: The Regenerated Clone

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

Writing Yelp reviews for all my neighborhood diners, indicating “not an excessive number of teeth in the omelet” on each.

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

Hollywood teaches when female hackers get computer serious, the hair goes up. Sometimes it’s a ponytail; sometimes it’s a sloppy twist. But that’s how you know they now mean business.

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing humans the other 364 days of the year are not fools’ days.

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

What the fuck, Charlie Brown

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

Adjusted for today’s insurance coverage, the Six Million Dollar Man can’t afford diabetic insulin requirements.

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

I like how the P in NOPE is basically a thumbs down 👎

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

I guess I’m not actually a misanthrope, as I don’t conceptually dislike people—I just seem to find pretty much every specific instance of humanity to be a hard fucking pass.

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

HR just conducted a 1.5-hour company-wide interactive chat about awareness of people's different and preferred communication styles, and if they really respected mine, that meeting would have been an email.

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

“I’ll be turning in now,” she said, never telling me what she was turning into.

I always suspected it was a falcon.

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

Sucks you can’t wander the night wood clad only in white gossamer set aglow by moonlight anymore.

Climate collapse really fucked shit up.

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

Jack’s with Jill, then he’s got a wife who won’t eat lean, then he’s growing a beanstalk, and jumping over candlesticks, and building a fucking house, and doing some weird shit with his thumb in a plum pie…

You’ve got way too much going on, my dude.

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

I’ve written a cacophonous sequel to 4’33” for 287 instruments. “It’s all the sounds John Cage left out,” I explain to the wincing crowd.

batkaren, 1 month ago to random

Filling out the “what part hurts” medical chart by circling the entire human figure.

batkaren, 2 months ago to random

70s comic book ads were wild

batkaren, 2 months ago to random

New business idea: sound-proofed room rentals by the half-hour where people can just scream from the bottom of their fucking lungs.

batkaren, 2 months ago to random

Ugh. All the ERs only have USED blood.