geekysteven

geekysteven, 5 hours ago to random

If I got an unsolicited dick daguerreotype, I'd just be impressed by the effort.

geekysteven, 9 hours ago to random

A fledgling raven lands before you and clumsily attempts to foreshadow your doom. The bird's parents caw in encouragement from a nearby perch.

geekysteven, 11 hours ago to random

geekysteven, 1 day ago to random

an exorcist finds a tough demonic possession he just gets a bunch of holy water and is like "it needs to soak"

geekysteven, 1 day ago to random

The worst thing about my neighborhood sex dungeon is that it's the same one Buzz Aldrin uses. Ok, we get it you landed on the moon, some of us are just here to get stepped on, alright?

geekysteven, 2 days ago to random

At some point in the future people will learn that shitposting used to be called night posting and determine the common link is night soil

geekysteven, 3 days ago to random

Frogs act confused when you put them in a bounce house but it's like, sir, you work here

geekysteven, 4 days ago to random

[at glory hole]
"So...when do I get to meet your parents?"

geekysteven, 4 days ago to random

I figured there must be a corollary

geekysteven, 5 days ago to random

I'm gonna stop going to the Sex McDonald's because they say they're just a regular McDonald's and you're not allowed to have sex there

geekysteven, 5 days ago to random

I don't want to be an alarmist, but that seems to be the consensus term for people who collect smoke detectors.

geekysteven, 5 days ago to random

"Nature is so peaceful and serene"
-people who don't know how much nature likes murder

geekysteven, 6 days ago to random

Me: oh good, I found our bike tool!

My wife: you really shouldn't call yourself that

geekysteven, 6 days ago to random

They're roasting your ass genes in the group chat on the 23andMe discord

geekysteven, 8 days ago to random

You get "bill" from William and "chuck" from Charles, but how do you get jack from John?
You can't get jack from John, he's broke as hell lmao gottem

geekysteven, 8 days ago to random

If all other records from the 2020s were lost, future historians could piece together a rough timeline based on which charity game bundles I bought

geekysteven, 8 days ago to random

"I'm trying to wrap my head around this"

Me, terrified of people who are secretly giant snakes: gulp

geekysteven, 12 days ago to random

Extremely unfair to criticize a fictional character after I decided that liking them defines my personality

geekysteven, 13 days ago to random

I love showing up at UFO hunter meetings with a black suit, sunglasses, and absolutely no sense of humor.

geekysteven, 14 days ago to random

Actually, my job is making witty retorts that fail to land at the quip sucking factory

geekysteven, 14 days ago to random

I thought by this point in my life I'd be going on more underwater adventures armed with a harpoon gun and a small knife I sometimes hold with my teeth

geekysteven, 15 days ago to random

geekysteven, 17 days ago to random

geekysteven, 17 days ago to random

geekysteven, 17 days ago to random

Men: defensively arguing that they are safer to be around in the woods than a bear

Women: saying "BEAR" louder each time in the same manner you would demand a human representative from an automated line