@reallybigfoot@ohai.social
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reallybigfoot

@reallybigfoot@ohai.social

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reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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Animals would rather eat each other than have sex with each other. If animals were sexier, the world would be a peaceful utopia. Full of sex starved freaks.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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This is how evolution happened... One day, a fish was washed up on the shore. Right before he died, he spontaneously sprouted limbs and lungs. Then he had babies, and they were lizards. Fact.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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I look forward to the day I can imagine things. I can't imagine what it will be like.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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Why isn't dogfood made of cats? I'm sure there is a humany smart-brained explanation, but my apey freak dumb-brain can't figure it out.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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I haven't pooped since we changed the clocks.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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Sasquatches don't have a word for "yesterday". But, when we tell a story about yesterday, we just plant our feet and sidestep one step for every yesterday we're talking about, and tell our yesterday story. Nobody understands, though.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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I'm constantly hungry. I eat my own fur, I eat trees sometimes, rocks, if I can find a horse, yes, of course, that horse is gonna get eaten, but, usually, it's fences, tires, whatevs. My scat is very unique. You will know it when you see it. Look for a pile of WTF?

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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It's important to be humane when you eat animals. Take small bites and let them live for hours while you reassure them it will take a long time before you kill them.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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What's weird is when a hog sees me, he gets a huge WTF look on his face, but his oinker-snout stays exactly the same. It's like oinkers have no emotions.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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"ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE ENOUGH PROBE DATA?! THERE IS MORE DATA IN THERE! COME BACK!!!"

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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Ruff ruff buh-ruff bow-wowzers. I have read this to a German Shepherd named Sarge. His facial expression is a very nuanced combination of "WTF?" and "HUH?". Geez, Sarge is very precise. I know exactly where you are. Ttyl.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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My emotions feel like fire on my brain. Even boredom. I wish I was a dog.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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I was visited last night by my alien friend Zardok the Vun. He was all "this is how you make fire", blah, blah, blah. Holy crap, his head is weird.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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I hate mornings. Wolves just assume I'm a corpse.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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In Bigfoot world, when you see something you like, you say, "FREAK-KING OINK!!!".

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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My scat tastes a little "off". I need to drink more liquids.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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OK, humans. Post a pic of a cool Bigfoot item you own. 👀

GET YOUR ME ON!!!

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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Today is brought to you by the color wet.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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It seems like all the Sasquatches that Bobo asks about are hand-sized. No matter how high he puts his hand.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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Elephants have an even longer oinker than hogs, but they do not oink. This keeps me up nights.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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Some hippies just got into a Volkswagen. I'm suddenly aroused.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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I asked a Frankenstein, "HEY MAN, WHAT ARE THOSE BOLTS IN YOUR NECK?" He kind of hesitated, so I tore the bolts out of his neck. Turns out, they keep him alive. Huh.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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https://www.instagram.com/reel/C3tWQHuRxuo/?igsh=cG80MWpkY3gydzFw. Trying new things

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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A snowman just saw me walking on a ridge. Had to kill him. Wouldn't promise not to talk. I mean, that guy's dead. BIG TIME. Like, I've killed a lot of things, but that snowman is 100% dead.

reallybigfoot,
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He was a Frosty the Snowman type. I ate his carrot nose right in front of him. He didn't blink an eye. He just stared at me with his big, black eyes, like doll eyes. Then I freaking strangled him.

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