xinicit

xinicit, 8 days ago to random

Oops! All Cringe!

xinicit, 8 days ago to random

The year is 3200. Most people live on nutrient slurry. In a lab deep in the antarctic jungle, a group of rogue scientists slice open and taste the fruit of tree grown from one thousand year old seeds.

Scientist 1: This tastes like yellow-red electrolyte mix.
Scientist 2: Not as sweet, though.

xinicit, 9 days ago to random

Me: renounces sensual pleasure
Also me: has a whole body orgasm from drinking cold lemonade on a hot day

xinicit, 9 days ago to random

sorry i said oh damn when i should have said yas queen

xinicit, 9 days ago to random

The paralyzing anxiety in me recognizes and honors the paralyzing anxiety in you.

xinicit, 9 days ago to random

Unleavened bread: Boring, Old Testament-y
Tortillas: Ole! It’s a flatbread fiesta, and you can make chips!

xinicit, 9 days ago to random

Converting Mexicans to Christianity was a real coup for Heaven’s menu.

xinicit, 11 days ago to random

It’s only tentacle porn if it’s from the Tentacle region of Japan. Otherwise it’s just wiggly hentai.

xinicit, 12 days ago to mentalhealth

To the growing concern of people on my friends list, I’ve been talking about mental health a lot lately. The reason I’m talking about mental health is because my #mentalhealth is in the absolute shitter. I do not have in person supporting relationships, do not have money for therapy, and definitely don’t have money to move. Does anyone know any self validation strategies? I feel like I can’t rely on other people to treat me like my experience matters, and need to know how to do that for myself.

xinicit, 13 days ago to random

Protip: Describe your lovemaking style as “freestyle and improvisational” so that your partner will think you’re a misunderstood genius instead of bad in bed.

xinicit, 13 days ago to random

Pro tip: there is a big difference between being aroused by jazz music and having a scat fetish.

xinicit, 13 days ago to random

Perfectionists in movies: Oh wow! He works hard, pays attention to detail, makes a lot of money and has lots of sex in his tasteful condominium.

Perfectionists in real life: Immobilized by fear of failure to the point that they are afraid they will lose their jobs. The bed is for crying.

xinicit, 16 days ago to random

He likes to rhyme, and he hates crime! This fall, Sammy Nash is taking out the trash!

Poetic Justice!

Thursdays, on NBC!

xinicit, 16 days ago to random

I bet leaving the theater with my wife and son via the exit that goes directly into Crime Alley would fix me.

xinicit, 16 days ago to random

I think a bird of prey mistaking my bald head for a shiny rock and dropping a turtle onto it from a great height would fix me.

xinicit, 16 days ago to random

I don’t think I will ever be a big account because I post about my mental health on main. People may be into my humorous takes on goth mommies, but no one wants to see the dark underbelly of livin’ la vida loca.

xinicit, 16 days ago to random

Got really excited to talk with a bunch of people about how good “Rainbow In The Dark” is, but all anyone at this Dio-rama conference wants to do is show me their shoeboxes full of dolls boning.

xinicit, 16 days ago to random

Whom amongst us has not had their bidet malfunction and shaken up a can of La Croix in a desperate act of hygiene?

xinicit, 18 days ago to random

The period of time between when the sex dolls became sentient and the end of the bloodshed is referred to by historians as “Bot Girl Summer.”

xinicit, 19 days ago to random

I feel like the people who tell you to touch grass probably need to touch some booty.

xinicit, 22 days ago to random

Kindle unlimited erotica where a hot mantis lady hooks up with a hydra and she rips off its heads until she is a quivering mess.

xinicit, 22 days ago to random

What if we train a cadre of weebs to wield swords so sharp that slicing the air will break the bonds in carbon dioxide? What if the solution to climate change was (and always has been) mall ninjas?

xinicit, 22 days ago to random

In heaven, all the cats will let you touch their toe beans.

xinicit, 11 months ago to random

Pretending to be normal is having a detrimental effect on my ability to pretend to be normal.